


Supergirl: Season 6- BACK FROM HIATUS

by gabi_maria



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Bisexual Kara Danvers, Canon Compliant, Earth-Prime (DCU), F/F, F/M, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, POV Kara Danvers, POV Lena Luthor, Post-Crisis on Infinite Earths Crossover Event (CW DC TV Universe), Protective Kara Danvers, Science Fiction, Slow Burn Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:00:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 48,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25009609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabi_maria/pseuds/gabi_maria
Summary: After the Season 5 finale, with Leviathan finally defeated and Lex still free to carry on whatever masterplan he may have, the super friends must heal their wounds and get used to Earth Prime while also protecting the planet.On their respective ends, Kara needs to sort out her feelings and her role as National City's hero, while Lena searches for the strength to forgive herself and earn her friends' trust again.
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Kara Danvers, Alex Danvers & Kara Danvers & J'onn J'onzz | Hank Henshaw, Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen, J'onn J'onzz | Hank Henshaw/M'gann M'orzz, Kara Danvers & Lex Luthor, Kara Danvers & Nia Nal, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Lena Luthor & Andrea Rojas, Lena Luthor & Lex Luthor, Querl Dox & Lena Luthor, Querl Dox/Nia Nal
Comments: 97
Kudos: 473





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everyone!  
> Since season 5 broke my heart over and over again, destroying any hope I had that the show would still find its way back, I've been trying to create a story that could look like the official season 6 while still resolving some of the things I didn't like in season 5.
> 
> On that note, let me give you a little context: even though season 5 has mentioned that Leviathan responded to some big boss, I haven't taken that in consideration, as the entire Leviathan plot has always seemed so pointless to me.
> 
> Also, everything else about their world post-Crisis was developed after gathering as many details from cannon as possible. According to the show, Agent Liberty still existed in this reality and Lex helped Supergirl stop him. Also, Lex bought the DEO after its bankruptcy, so he pretty much "saved" the organization. There may still be some divergences though, as there are a lot of details to consider and it's possible that I forgot or just didn't notice the difference in some of them.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning: the artists and bands credited after the music quotes in the beginning of the chapters are not necessarily the ones who wrote the song, but rather the ones who play my favorite versions.

_ "Trouble on my left, trouble on my right _

_ I been facing trouble almost all my life" _

_ Trouble, by Cage the Elephant _

***

Lena is frowning in concentration, her eyes scanning the nearest computer screen as she tries to make sense of Brainy’s radiation readings. Eliza and Alex stand beside her, also completely concentrated on the numbers and graphics, now that they have managed to stabilize Brainy’s vitals.

They’ve been working on it for quite some time now, discussing eventual observations and theories in low voices as the rest of the group stands a safe distance from them, just waiting.

For Kara, watching Lena work from so close is considerably new. When they worked together before, she was usually out in the field fighting or investigating something or someone while Lena worked inside the DEO’s labs.

But now the outside world seems to be out of danger and the only thing Kara, J’onn, M’gann, Nia and Kelly can do for now is stand by and wait for instructions from the three women who might have just saved Brainy’s life.

Kara shudders at the memory of J’onn flying inside Lena’s lab, carrying an unconscious Brainy after he and Nia found him half-dead. She folds both arms across her stomach, as if to hold herself and refrain the thoughts.

\- Are you alright?

J’onn’s voice has Kara turning to look at him with an anguished face.

\- I’m trying not to freak out, but… things are not great.

He rubs her shoulder in a soothing gesture.

\- Brainy is safe for now and we have National City’s finest scientists working on getting him back on his feet.

\- Yeah…

She feels nervous for Brainy, sure, but she also hates how a day of victory suddenly became a gathering beside a med bed, while Nia prays to every entity she’s ever known of, asking for Brainy to wake up.

Kara can hear her murmuring agonized pleas, repeating over and over that she can’t live with the feeling of letting someone die like that.

How did things escape her control like this?

\- I still don’t understand how he got rid of Leviathan alone - says Kara. - We have to be missing something.

\- And he found Leviathan’s headquarters - M’gann adds.

As if summoned by their discussion, Nia leaves her seat and joins them as well. 

\- I should’ve dreamed about that too - she says in a defeated tone, looking down at her hands.

\- Hey - Kara tries, wrapping an arm around Nia’s shoulders. - You’re the reason we ever got him out in time.

\- It could still be too late - she murmurs in response.

It must be quite a sight, Kara thinks. Two superheroes, in their supersuits, crying over a friend that they couldn’t save.

So much for saving the world from Leviathan tonight.

Still, she tries to be more positive, even if only to abate Nia’s suffering.

\- We know he was exposed to some kind of weird radiation at Leviathan’s headquarters, but Lena and Alex reprogrammed the MRI machine, right? They’ll rid his body of the radiation and then Eliza will figure out how we can help him - Kara tries to reassure her, but Nia is shaking her head in defeat.

\- If only I’d given my attention to the right things…

Kara wants to calm her somehow, but she relates too much to the feeling. She should have guessed Lex would take advantage of Leviathan’s power. She should have known to focus her attention on what really matters.

Instead, she’d sit by playing the angry reporter and falling into Lex’s every trap as Supergirl.

And what’s the point of being all powerful if you can’t see what is right in front of you? If you can’t even protect the people you love most?

\- We got it - Alex announces, breaking the silence before it gets unbearable. She strides to the others and adds: - Lena’s machine worked and Brainy’s readings seem normal again. Mom will focus on the rest now.

Thank Rao for Lena.

\- What now? - Kara asks, suddenly energized by the news.

\- We wait - Lena answers from behind Alex. Eliza and her come closer to the rest of the group so they can give more details about Brainy’s situation. - We don’t know what happened to his organs exactly so we need to watch closely and help his functionalities work again.

\- From what I’ve seen so far, some of the inner organs are seriously damaged, even if there wasn’t any apparent physical injury - Eliza continues. - I still need to research a lot more about Brainy’s system, but I think he’s safe from danger now. It should give us a few more hours to understand his body.

\- He’s techno organic - Nia informs, like that isn’t a wide known fact, and Kara can only tighten her hold around her friend’s shoulders.

\- As far as we could assess, his AI nature wasn’t damaged - Lena goes on, giving Nia a sympathetic look.

Kara hasn’t really processed what today’s events mean to her friendship with Lena, but she does appreciate her softness with Nia, the way Lena’s voice comes out tender and calm.

She also takes note of Lena’s hunched shoulders, the way her eyelids flutter with exhaustion. Kara recognizes these signs as the indications that Lena is too exhausted to function, but still too wired to make herself rest. She used to see them on display whenever Lena worked long weeks to resolve some especially frustrating matter at L Corp. 

Back then, Kara had been convinced that overworking herself was Lena’s way to punish herself for not being perfect, and she wonders if that’s what is driving Lena right now as well.

\- But his organic part suffered terribly - Lena is telling the others -, so, even with the radiation gone, we can’t assume his organs will heal on their own.

\- Unless that’s one of his powers - Kelly interjects.

\- Not that we know of.

They all look at J’onn, waiting for him to continue.

\- I mean, he is tougher than an average human. Maybe he heals faster, too, but it doesn’t mean we can just put him under sunlamps and wait.

There’s silence for a while, then Eliza’s firm voice rips through it:

\- I’ll stay here and search for any sorts of treatment that can help him heal - she guarantees. - You all need to rest. It’s been a long day.

\- I can stay too - J’onn offers immediately. - In case you need any help here.

Kara wants to offer the same, but she really hates just standing by, waiting for something bad to happen. On the other hand, she still feels too buzzed to sleep anytime soon, so...

\- Before anyone goes home - Lena starts, interrupting Kara’s thoughts. - I told Eve and her mother to spend the night here. We should probably come up with a plan in the morning.

\- A plan? - Kara repeats, confused. She had forgotten about Eve for the past two hours or so, as they were all engrossed in discussing Brainy’s case.

\- Well, as far as Lex knows she didn’t betray him and she’s still afraid for her mother - Lena explains, looking uncertainly to everyone else.

\- Except that Supergirl vanished with the woman hours ago - Alex points out.

\- Yes, and that’s why we need to gather all the information she has on him before she inevitably decides to run away from all of this.

\- I’ll keep an eye on her - J’onn is the first to answer. 

Kara merely watches as Lena gives him a firm nod of appreciation. Part of her wonders if Lena isn’t keeping Eve close as part of some kind of revenge. She did seem pretty surprised when Alex said Eve’s name earlier that day.

\- So Brainy stopped Leviathan? - Lena asks the group.

\- According to my vision, yes - says Nia.

\- I'm not sure how to tell you this, so I'll just say it - she gulps, and Kara can hear her heart racing before she adds: - I found out that Brainy was working with Lex a couple of months ago.

And it’s not a betrayal, right? Lena didn’t owe it to them to come tell them anything about Brainy.

Still, Kara looks down at the floor and hopes the disappointment won’t be too obvious on her face.

Since no one says anything in response, Lena goes on:

\- Lex didn't know about Leviathan at first, because he never knew he'd been part of Leviathan's plan before Crisis. But, once we came back and I had my memory intact, I mentioned the name and he started looking for a way to defeat them. He asked for my help once, asked me to talk to someone and see what they knew about Leviathan. I only agreed… 

Here Kara risks a glance at her, but Lena is the one who can’t seem to look anyone in the eyes as she finishes: 

\- I only agreed to help him because Brainy assured me that no one would get hurt and that Lex was our best shot at defeating Leviathan. He said that was the only reason he was helping Lex.

There is some kind of collective sigh as everyone absorbs the news.

\- That sure explains a lot - Nia says bitterly.

The others are quiet, except for Alex, who's shaking her head and protesting:

\- I don’t get it - she says. - Why would Brainy join him and still help us? Was he spying on us?

It's Nia who answers:

\- Clearly Lex was ahead of us in finding Leviathan, and, without the inhibitors, Brainy should be completely logical, so… What if, by his calculations…

\- It makes sense - Kara agrees. - Brainy didn’t let us question Rama Khan. And he spoke about Lex in some weird language…

Alex is shaking her head and pacing back and forth, seeming completely lost. Kara wants to hold her, but she can’t bring herself to let go of Nia just yet.

\- But none of that makes him a spy - J’onn remarks. - He actually pushed everyone away for months. That’s not a spy’s job.

Alex opens her mouth to say something, but...

\- Excuse me?

All heads turn to the back of the lab, where Eve Tessmacher stands with an uncertain look, assessing the place. She clears her throat then asks shyly:

\- Can I speak to Supergirl?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEEEEES!
> 
> We're back! \o/
> 
> Hope I didn't take too long and that you guys are still here to follow this story!
> 
> I still haven't finished writing the whole thing, but I'm pretty happy about the edited chapters and I really wanted to share them. Also, I do have a number of them ready to go, so, if everything goes as planned, I should be able to update regularly. 
> 
> Fair warning though: it may seem like there were no major alterations to the first chapters, but I promise it's important to read them, as they've given a new feel and atmosphere to the entire story.
> 
> As always, your comments are very much appreciated! 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to be clear, the science parts are not my strong suit, so they may be inaccurate or even a little too impossible, but we just need to move the plot along, right? Promise I'm doing my best so that it still makes some sense. ^^'

_ "I got secrets from you, you got secrets from me _

_ Because you're so worried about what I'm gonna to think _

_ Well I'm worried too" _

_ Paranoia in B Flat Major, by The Avett Brothers _

*

Seeing Eve is hard enough.

Pretending not to know just how much damage she’d done in the last world…

That is a whole new level of unbearable, especially when all Lena can think about are the numerous times Eve lied to her face.

It’s unfair, of course, because this Eve has no idea about what happened on Earth-38, but she still looks the same, still talks the same…

She still worked with Lex.

And Lena still remembers what it felt like to have Eve’s face looking at her, promising to help her launch non nocere. She remembers how working with Hope inside Eve's body felt like the safest partnership she could ever have.

Kara's voice interrupts her reverie:

\- Where’s your mother? - she asks Eve.

\- Sleeping. I would prefer if she didn’t know about our conversation…

Everyone in the room exchanges glances, until, finally, Eliza excuses herself to go back to Brainy and Kara steps forward.

\- Alright - she concedes, hands on her hips as she eyes Eve. - The sooner we know everything the better. Ms Tessmacher, you can say everything in front of them - Kara states, gesturing towards the others. - I trust everyone in this room. They all work with me. 

Her certainty makes Lena's heart race. It’s almost enough to convince her that their handshake earlier was an actual good sign, instead of Kara’s way to seal a partnership with no emotional depth.

Eve, however, blinks in confusion a few times.

\- Doesn’t  _ she _ work with Lex though? - she nods towards Lena, clearly afraid.

_ That's rich, isn't it? _

\- Not anymore - Lena says before anyone else has the chance. - And I never took part in his plan against Leviathan. At least not willingly.

\- She helped us yesterday - Kara insists, using her special Supergirl hopeful voice. - She’s the reason we stopped Gemma and Lex in time to save everyone.

Lena’s heart beats faster at every word Kara says in her defense. She knows she’s supposed to keep her eyes on Eve’s, but she can’t help the urge to look at Kara and wonder if she has really been forgiven.

\- I can’t stay here - Eve finally says. - He’ll come after us the second he knows I turned on him.

\- You don’t have to stay for long - Lena promises. - Just tell us everything you know before you leave and I’ll help you escape.

Eve seems to consider her offer for a moment, looking unsure. She glances at Kara, who gives her a firm nod, then she murmurs:

\- I’m not proud of it. He tricked me.

\- We believe you - Kara gets closer to Eve, places a hand on each of her shoulders. - And we need your help to make this right.

So it begins.

Apparently, Lex found Eve during some dirty mission for Leviathan and promised to rid her from them. 

She tells them how she worked as a double agent for months and how she fed Lex with information from both Leviathan and Obsidian. She explains the mortality code and then…

\- That unconscious man in the next room - her voice shakes almost as much as the rest of her body. - He was part of the plan. He was the one who got the mortality code so Lex could finally use it to end Leviathan.

Lena senses the general disappointment in everyone’s faces, and a part of her laughs bitterly: they had still doubted her.

\- Dox, right? - Eve continues. - Director Dox of the DEO?

\- That’s him - Kara confirms. - We’re still not sure what happened with him.

\- He didn’t like Lex’s methods - the other woman informs. - I know he got angry a few times, ran out of patience. But he still played his part.

\- Which was? - Alex's voice is stone cold.

\- He helped Lex get the resources he needed against Leviathan and he also… well, he was the one who should activate the mortality code when the day came.

Kara’s and Alex’s disappointments are palpable. Nia, however, seems to be in some kind of trance, staring at nowhere, merely listening. 

Eve goes on and tells about stopping the kill-switch glitch from being properly repaired and how Lex had armed both Richard Bates and Amy Sapphire with the tech they needed to launch their own attacks.

And there it is again.

Lena fists her hands with all the strength she can muster as she learns about how Eve, once again, used her technology for evil.

She feels warm hatred simmering inside her and she desperately wants to leave the room but then…

\- His only demand was that I kept Leviathan from ever tracking the glitch back to him… - Eve’s eyes flutter to Lena’s direction. - Or to his sister.

Lena clenches her jaw involuntarily. So Lex was protecting her after all.

\- I trusted him - Eve says, hunching over in embarrassment. - He made me feel appreciated and important and… - she sighs, clearly disappointed at herself, as the first tears escape. - Well, honestly, I thought he was just a genius with questionable morals who wanted to help everyone. I didn’t know the truth until the day that the sun-eater attacked. He made me believe… - she pauses for a moment to regain control of herself. - He said something about another life and that I had betrayed him…?

Her eyes focus on Kara’s, pleading.

\- I know there’s more to this - Eve says under her breath.

\- Those people stuck in the VR - Alex cuts in. - Was Lex behind it?

Eve nods.

Beside Lena, J’onn lets out a tired sigh.

Eve proceeds to tell them about Margot, who Lena remembers from the previous reality: showing up out of thin air inside her apartment and threatening her for taking the medallion; and explains that Lex needed to push Leviathan in order to gain their trust and earn an invitation to their ship.

\- Was Margot working with Lex, then? - Nia queries. 

Eve hesitates.

\- That on the video… that wasn’t really Margot - she ducks her head before adding: - It was me using an image inducer.

And again, Lena’s technology is part of some evil master plan.

There's no need to ask what happened to the real Margot, so they all just wait for Eve to resume talking.

And she does. She's explaining why Lex wanted to release the sun-eater and...

Realization dawns on Lena immediately.

\- That fucking bastard!

Everyone looks at her in surprise, but she's too dumbfounded to mind them.

\- Lena? - J’onn prompts.

\- He has access to the Fortress - she speaks, looking up at the others again. Then she looks only at Kara, forcing herself to say: - He used me again. He gave me the transmatter watch that day…

Kara’s eyes widen.

\- He knew we’d have to use Myriad! - she exclaims, infuriated. 

\- He knew Myriad was the most efficient way for you to find the missing people and it would also interrupt my experiment, so…

\- He got one of Leviathan’s operatives to follow you inside the Fortress - Alex fills in.

\- And he released the sun-eater to distract us while he killed Margot and got all the glory for rescuing the users - Kara finishes. She is gritting her teeth, her face is contorted in anger.

Lena is angry too, but a part of her is just… ashamed.

Lex knew she would take the fact that Kara was using Myriad as a personal offense. He made sure things happened so Kara would have no choice but to use the device and Lena fell for it. She believed the Supergirl tale Lex and Lilian had always told her and, once again, let her resentments get the best of her .

As a result Lex now has access to an unending collection of weaponry.

And to think she ever accepted Lex’s transmatter watch…

Eve is speaking again:

\- Later that day, Lex told me he only recruited me because I was useful and that he’d never even looked for my father’s killer

\- Wait - Kara says, raising a hand for Eve to stop. - He was supposed to look for the person who killed your father?

Eve’s face reddens rapidly. She stammers a few disconnected syllables, clearly trying to avoid the question, until she agrees with a nod.

\- He said we would bring justice for my father’s murder - she adds after a few seconds.

Lena tightly folds both arms in front of her chest to ground herself. Six months ago, she’d fallen for that same act when Lex offered to help with non nocere, even though she’d known, from the very beginning, that he didn’t care at all about her project. But he seemed determined to help her step out of his shadow. He… believed in her.

Or so she’d thought anyway.

\- Your heart is beating like crazy, Eve - Kara’s suspicious voice brings Lena back from the emotional turmoil.

She looks up to see Kara analysing Eve with distrust.

\- I hate talking about this - Eve responds, avoiding everyone’s stare. - Makes me nervous and afraid, but I have told you all I know.

Kara doesn’t seem convinced.

\- You sure?

\- I am! - Eve splutters. - Give me a paper and I’ll write down his lab’s location to you.

\- We need to discuss this whole thing - J’onn speaks to the rest of the group. - If we’re presuming that Lex has been inside the Fortress…

\- Did Lex ever mention the Fortress to you? - Kara queries, whipping her head to look at Eve again.

\- N-no.

\- Anything about finding my Fortress or the weapons inside of it…

\- He never insinuated he wanted to  _ kill _ you - Eve answers more firmly this time and Kara sighs in frustration.

Alex, however, takes a step closer to Eve, hands on her hips as she demands:

\- Then how did Leviathan know about the kryptonite storage inside the DEO? 

Before Eve has even recovered from the surprise at Alex’s question, Lena is already answering:

\- Lex must have alerted Gemma that Supergirl would be on high alert after those missing people, so he convinced her to take action. I bet it didn’t hurt when he offered loads of kryptonite to help.

\- There’s something else - Eve cuts in nervously. - That bracelet William Dey found at the warehouse… - she hesitates. - It was all planned. Lex used his investigation to convince Gemma to get on board with the sun-eater idea.

Lena can see how pale Kara’s face turns in mere seconds. She seems like the air was forced out of her body as she retreats a step so Alex can touch her back to provide comfort.

So that’s it.

Lena wasn’t wrong about Kara’s intense reaction during William’s disappearance. She does have feelings for him.

Lena tries not to think about the unfairness of it all. Before Crisis, didn’t Kara  _ despise _ William? Wasn’t she completely disgruntled about his hiring? And wasn’t Lena the person who Kara always protected, rushing into danger first, no questions asked? 

But now, all she gets is a firm and professional handshake. 

\- I just didn’t know William was looking for me - Eve goes on. - But, once I realized he was following me, I panicked and…

\- It’s ok - Kara intervenes. - He’s ok now. He’s in the hospital.

Eve nods nervously rubbing the palms of both hands on her face.

\- I really need to disappear now - she says at last.

\- I’ll get you on a plane to wherever you want - Lena decides, back to her practical self. - I’ll make sure Lex doesn’t know about any of it. Can you manage to get some new identities for you and your mother?

\- Yes! - Eve responds vigorously. 

\- Well, then - Lena sighs, a bit disappointed. Part of her was really hoping they would restore Eve’s memory, but that’s not important right now. - You get your documents and give us the location of Lex’s lab. I’ll have the plane ready by sundown.

Before leaving to deal with the documents problem, Eve writes down the address of Lex's laboratory and turns to Kara with a pleading look.

\- Please keep my mom safe. I'll be back as soon as I can.

After she walks away, the room falls silent for a long while, until J'onn sighs out:

\- Ok, the rest of us should definitely get some rest. Lena, is it ok if M'gann and I stay here to look after Eve's mother and help Eliza?

\- Of course - Lena agrees. - And I'm staying as well. I have a lot of research to do if I want to track back all of Lex's moves.

From across the room, she catches Kara eyeing her with concern:

\- Have you eaten today? 

Lena's heart clenches, because Kara is taking care of her. And, even as that fills her with hope and with the desire to let Kara take care of her entirely, Lena knows she’s so not worth it. At least not yet.

\- I’ll grab something soon - she promises, more to convince Kara to leave than anything.

\- Right - Kara acquiesces, rubbing her neck. - Be careful, you guys.

Kara, Alex, Nia and Kelly say their goodbyes and leave the lab together. There is a short hug session involving the four of them and J'onn and M'gann, so Lena looks away, trying not to intrude.

She exits the main room before Kara can find her and wave (or hug her) goodbye as well. Sure, she misses Kara's hugs, but she doesn't think she could deal with one right now. She just can't see herself letting Kara go if they hold each other ever again, and she definitely can’t see herself surviving another handshake.


	3. Chapter 3

_ " _ _ I keep tellin' myself that it'll be fine _

_ You can't make everybody happy all of the time _

_ I find myself in a place that I never been _

_ A place that I thought that I could never be _

_ There's people looking back at me _ _ " _

_ Paranoia in B flat major, by The Avett Brothers _

* * *

In moments like this, Kara finds herself truly glad that Alex dropped out of Med school; she would really hate to think of her sister spending the whole day inside a hospital.

Sure, Kara will never quite need a hospital the same way humans do, but she hates them anyway. Quiet places that smell like sanitizer and are filled with concerned voices and sad sighs… 

And hopelessness.

Even as hospitals are the place people go to when they have a chance to heal, Kara has always thought of them as a symbol of hopelessness. Of weakness.

Aren’t hospitals the place where people also fail in saving those who need their attention as well? 

Still, she walks with firm steps until reaching the room she was informed back at the reception. She knocks twice before walking inside to find Kelly standing next to a wide-eyed William.

\- Hey! - Kelly greets her first, smiling.

\- I’m so sorry I couldn’t be here before - Kara starts, looking at William. - You’re ok?

\- Yeah, yeah. Supergirl herself cauterized my wound and brought me in, so the doctors said I should be discharged today. They just wanted to patch it up better and make sure I didn’t have any infections or anything.

Kara comes to stand next to him, right behind Kelly, who she greets with a friendly touch to the arm.

\- I was so scared when I heard…

William offers her a small smile.

\- Yeah, but it’s ok now, ok? I promise.

Kelly lets out a long sigh, then, clasping her hands together as she announces:

\- Well, I just came to make sure you were doing better - she rubs William’s shoulder in farewell. - Gotta go to work now. Andrea wants everybody arriving early. You guys will keep me informed, right?

As soon as Kelly leaves and closes the door behind herself, William turns to Kara with a determined look:

\- Has Kelly told you what we found? - he prompts. There’s a shine of satisfaction and excitement in his eyes, but it only makes Kara more worried.

\- Yeah, I know about Eve Tessmacher.

\- Right! We have to find that woman again! If she talks…

Kara lets out a long tired breath.

\- She won’t talk, William.

He seems completely confused so she elaborates:

\- Eve is supposed to leave the country later today. Supergirl is helping her - he makes to speak, but Kara continues: - Eve’s really worried about her mom and she’s already told Supergirl everything.

\- But, Kara! - he finally interrupts. - She’s the only one who can tell us what exactly was Lex’s goal with the lenses!

Kara bites the inside of her cheek, trying to suppress her nervousness. There’s no way she can update William without telling him about Leviathan, which is far from ideal…

\- Ok, listen - she tries to use her most sensitive voice. - We all know Lex is somehow behind this, but he knows about your investigation.

He blinks in shock.

\- I’m not saying we should just let Lex be, but we should probably wait for Supergirl to clear the path first.

William shakes his head.

\- That makes no sense! - he protests. - I’m not afraid of Lex Luthor.

Kara’s eyes widen at that, filled with indignation.

\- Well, you should be - she pushes. 

Don’t people see how close she came to failing the entire world less than twenty-four hours ago? 

\- Lex planned for you to find that bracelet inside the warehouse, William. He knew all along.

He opens his mouth, but no sounds come out, so Kara finishes:

\- Lex was playing us this whole time, counting on our suspiciousness. We can’t dive right back into the story right now or we’ll be playing his game.

This time there’s no response, but William looks so truly frustrated Kara feels bad for him, as she strongly relates to his passion about journalism and to his dedication to the cause.

In the silence, for a flash of a second, Kara thinks that similar qualities had made her believe in Lena back on their first meeting, when Lena was still “just a woman trying to make a name for herself outside of her family”.

She shakes her head to get rid of the thought, then speaks again:

\- I am so sorry, William.

He glances at her, confused.

\- I should have been there - she explains. - I should have helped you with the investigation but, instead, you ended up doing all the hard work and you even got jumped…

\- It’s not your fault, Kara.

\- Of course it is!

She looks away for a second as she mentally repeats to herself that William is safe and she’s no longer forbidden from using her powers. Leviathan is gone, so Supergirl is back on the game.

And Supergirl always wins.

\- I agreed to be your partner for this - she resumes her apology, finally feeling more in control of herself. - I’m so sorry I couldn’t help more.

\- Kara - he waits until their eyes meet and repeats: - It’s not your fault. At the very least, you introduced me to Kelly and I couldn’t have done any of this without her. I know you had a lot going on, ok? It’s fine. I promise.

She nods and tries to smile, but it just feels like her face is cramped. 

Truth is William doesn’t actually know half of what had been going on. As far as he could tell, Kara just had a busy life and was still dealing with the aftermath of Jeremiah’s death.

Not knowing should help keep him safe, she understands that, but the last time she hid her identity from someone who got so involved in Supergirl’s matters…

She forces herself to stop thinking about Lena, repeats the words Winn told her months ago:  _ Just because Lena reacted the way she did, doesn’t mean everyone will do the same _ .

William interrupts her reverie:

\- So you know I won’t just drop the story, right? Everything you just said proves that we need to expose Lex.

\- We have no hard evidence on him - Kara mutters, sounding defeated. - And looking for clues right now would leave you exposed to him…

\- I can handle it.

She gives him a hard stare, but William simply shrugs in response.

\- It’s more dangerous than we thought, William - she finally says.

\- I started investigating Lex because I think he killed my best friend - he remembers, as if that was a final argument. - I always knew just how dangerous it was.

Kara sighs again because he couldn’t be more wrong. William doesn’t quite know just how far Lex would go to kill Supergirl, to make this new world his own entirely.

\- Listen - William calls again. - It seems you’ve been in touch with Supergirl, right? And you said she got a chance to talk to Eve about all of this - he looks deep inside her eyes as he completes: - Please, Kara. We need to have Eve’s information. Everything. We’ll need it when the time comes. 

The worst part, Kara thinks, is that he is right. Even if they can’t publish Eve’s declarations just yet, she is indeed the only witness they’ve heard of.

Kara gulps before surrendering:

\- I’ll see what I can do.

***

After visiting William, she heads back to Lena’s lab to meet the others, making only a quick stop at Noonan’s to buy coffee for everyone.

When she arrives, Alex and Nia are already there, sharing a huge box of donuts with everybody in the room.

Kara joins them around a large table and starts giving each one their coffees. When she grabs Lena’s, a warm blush spreads all over her face. Is it too weird that she still remembers Lena’s order with perfection?

Her nerves calm down a bit when she sees the obvious shyness on Lena’s face as she murmurs a quiet “thank you”. 

Kara returns to her seat, picking four donuts on her way.

\- How’s Brainy? - she asks.

\- He’s stable - Eliza answers, her voice as soft as always. - Lena’s help and her resources are keeping Brainy alive, but I'm considering moving him to an actual clinic. I believe Brainy can fully recover in middle term, but… he needs a lot of special attention right now.

Kara notices the way Lena looks down after Eliza’s compliment, the way she seems extremely concentrated in sipping her coffee while the others discuss the suggestion.

Normally, a comment like Eliza’s would make Kara beam with pride and brag about Lena’s qualities. But part of her can’t stop thinking that their lives seem to depend on someone who has worked against them before.

Alex’s voice brings her attention back to the present:

\- I agree. Mom, you know someone who could help us?

\- Sure. I'll make some calls - Eliza promptly offers. - Just give me a few hours to get everything settled.

She picks up two donuts from the huge box, then disappears into the next room.

\- Well - Alex sighs out, stretching her limbs. When she’s satisfied, she adds: - Eve wrote down the address to Lex's lab. We should check it out.

\- I could keep watch for a few hours - M’gann offers. - See if I can find out who else is working with Lex or how much time he spends there.

There is only a quick chatter as everyone agrees with the idea, and M’gann leaves shortly after.

In the following silence, Kara watches M’gann walk away, her thoughts racing out of control with worry and frustration. 

When she saved everyone inside the Festival last night, she was supposed to stop both Lex and Leviathan, but now… It seems she was just another pawn on Lex’s chess board.

And Kara hates that feeling.

She clears her throat and speaks to no one in particular:

\- I got an official call on my way back from the hospital. The DEO is supposed to operate from the desert facility now. I should go in soon, so maybe I can find out more about Lex. 

\- No way! - Alex and Lena protest at the same time and Kara looks from one to the other like she doesn’t know who she should listen to.

\- As far as we know - Lena starts -, Lex could be using the DEO to study you and adjust something from the Fortress to kill you. You can’t work for him anymore.

\- If I quit, he’ll know I found out what he did - Kara argues. 

\- He can't be too surprised by that - J’onn mutters. 

Part of Kara is actually dying to tell Lex she knows everything and just suggest they end this once and for all.

Whatever that means.

\- Isn’t there anything we could use from them? - Nia prompts. - Something Kara could find out using the DEO?

Lena snaps her fingers and walks closer to Nia. Her eyes are suddenly wide, like her body got rid of the exhaustion somehow.

\- Yes! - she says almost as an accusation. - Yes, there is a  _ lot _ we can get from the DEO servers!

\- What… - Kara starts, but Lena continues:

\- If you quit, it’ll draw a lot of suspicion. But, if you stay, even just for a day, we can monitor every bit of information Lex has on you. We could delete it, change it…

\- How would you do that? - Alex interrupts.

\- Give me thirty minutes - Lena responds; her chin is up, just like Kara is used to seeing her during business meetings. - I’ll come back with the perfect spy virus.

***

Just like old times, Lena does good on her promise and hands Kara a flash drive half an hour after she started working on the virus.

Is it wrong that Kara feels a wave of relief when that happens?

\- Plug it and let it work for 3 minutes or so - Lena instructs, forcing Kara to focus. - Should be enough to grant me remote access to the DEO database.

\- That’s actually very smart - J’onn comments quietly. - The computers are different, but the database is the same…

\- Are you sure this will work? - Alex checks again, visibly worried. She spent the last thirty minutes throwing worried glances at Kara and insisting that they should just wait a little longer until Lex shows his cards. - I don’t like the idea of Kara being the only one working with Lex, let alone the plan of spying on him.

\- I’ll be fine - Kara promises, tapping Alex’s back. - Lex can’t just hurt me out of nowhere, so he’ll have to put up with my presence there. Besides - she shows the flash drive to her sister and adds: - We’ll have him before he even knows what hit him.

Alex simply nods in response, which doesn’t really help abating the discomfort inside Kara’s chest. She knows everyone is on edge after the world came so close to an end, and she knows Alex has been especially worried since they found out the truth about Brainy, but stil.

If the DEO will resume its activities, then Supergirl needs to be there and make sure the organization follows the right path. She can’t just walk away from all her colleagues now. Besides, how could she ever explain leaving her position at the DEO without telling the truth (that she still has no proof of) about Lex?

\- Kelly told me you went to see William earlier - Alex starts. - How did it go?

Kara shakes her head slightly. Her shoulders tense up on their own accord at the thought of William laying injured on a hospital bed.

And it’s all her fault.

\- It went alright… 

\- You couldn’t have known - Alex murmurs, like she can hear Kara’s thoughts.

\- I still should’ve been there with him - she speaks quietly. - The only reason we made it in time was because Lena used her transmatter watch. It gave us enough time to sort things out before Rhama Khan and the others arrived.

She risks a side glance at Lena to find her leaning on a nearby table, rubbing her temples like she always does when she can’t process any more stress.

Kara recognizes the gesture from all the times she surprised Lena with lunch or convinced her to grab some dinner after a long day at work. She remembers how Lena would try to reject the idea only to thank her over and over again once they finished the meal. She would rant about her stupid shareholders, or simply ask about Kara’s day and they would easily spend hours talking about everything and nothing at all. By the end of the encounter, Lena would normally look tired, but she still had a soft smile and a grateful look that Kara had never seen her direct at anyone else.

But those moments feel like part of somebody else’s life right now. 

Kara shakes her head, trying to collect her thoughts, then turns to Alex again:

\- Tell Nia I left ahead, ok? I know she wants to be with Brainy some more.

\- Of course - says Alex, opening her arms to Kara.

She gladly accepts Alex’s embrace, lets it calm down her nerves.

They murmur goodbye to one another then Kara waves goodbye to J’onn and…

She hesitates when her eyes meet Lena’s. Do they still hug? Does Kara  _ want _ them to hug?

She chooses against it, and merely waves Lena goodbye before leaving.


	4. Chapter 4

_ “Just because I'm hurting _

_ Doesn't mean I'm hurt _

_ Doesn't mean _

_ I don't get what I deserved _

_ No better and no worse” _

_ Lost!, by Coldplay _

* * *

For all Alex knows, Lena Luthor is not a motorcycle person. She remembers Lena mentioned once, years ago, after a few too many wine glasses, that the only time she saw any appeal to it was when her teenager self enjoyed riding some old boyfriend’s motorcycle only to enrage Lilian.

Now, however, Lena is on the back of Alex’s bike, because Alex herself offered to take her home.

They left Lena’s laboratory a few minutes ago, as soon as Nia also left for CatCo. Back at the laboratory, Eliza is asking some fellow scientists in National City to keep Brainy with them and J’onn is helping her arrange the transfer, so it seemed like a nice chance for Alex to talk to Lena in private. 

She’s not sure why it feels important for them to have this conversation. Sure, they used to be friends, especially once they found out their mutual love for fancy scotch, but Alex is not over everything that happened.

On the other hand, as Kelly said the night before, they don’t stand a chance against Lex without both Brainy and Lena, that much has been proved.

In addition to that, Lena hasn’t tried to mind control anyone on this new Earth. She hasn’t even tried anything against Kara or any of the super friends, even as she worked with Lex.

And when she showed up at the Fortress because of Myriad it just seemed too… personal. Like an impulsive decision born out of wild emotions.

Sure, Alex doesn’t like the idea of anyone insulting Kara or violating her sister’s boundaries… but Lena didn’t try to use kryptonite this time, did she? And yesterday, she didn’t even blink before building Kara’s anti-kryptonite suit, or before saving Brainy’s life, so…

Alex stops the bike by the sidewalk of Lena’s building and turns off the engine. 

\- Thank you for the ride - Lena says after climbing down and removing her helmet. Alex has removed her own helmet as well, revealing the obvious signs of anxiety on her face.

\- I actually have been meaning to thank  _ you _ \- she starts, keeping her eyes on Lena’s. - You saved Brainy’s life with that MRI machine and you did good on your word to help us stop Leviathan - she stops for a second, watching Lena’s uncertain face. - Thanks, Lena. It’s really good to have you back with us.

Lena nods firmly in response, but her face doesn’t seem pleased or relieved in any way, so Alex goes on:

\- Look, I don’t like what you did to Kara for the past few months. And she’s probably forgiven everything already, but I… I’m different. I’m still a bit shocked that you were able to do everything you did. I mean… - she winces before whispering: - You trapped Kara with _ kryptonite _ .

Lena gulps hard, but keeps her eyes on Alex’s in a great demonstration of dignity.

\- I don’t like what I did either - she admits. - But I’m trying to compensate for it.

\- I know you are… - Alex purses her lips, thoughtfully. - Here’s the thing, Lena: everything I said to you before that antimatter wave… I meant it. I am so sorry we lied to you for so long. And I’m sorry my first reaction to non nocere was so poor, I just… - she sighs in defeat. - I was terrified by the thought of you turning against us and I felt like I couldn’t afford the luxury of just sitting there, hoping you’d come around… That was all Kara.

The last bit makes Lena glance away for a second, but she keeps a perfect composure.

Alex wants to tell her about Kara’s incessant attempts to defend her, about how Kara blamed no one but herself for Lena’s bad choices even months after everything happened between them. 

But she remembers how stiff and uncomfortable Kara seemed near Lena the previous day, how they were clearly walking on eggshells around each other… and she decides not to prod the beast.

\- I should’ve reached out. I know that. When Kara finally told you, I should’ve reached out to you, I just… - Alex shrugs. - It seemed like such a  _ personal _ thing between the two of you… I didn’t want to intrude.

It’s absolutely true, so Alex is not sure why the comment has Lena’s cheeks blushing furiously, even as she murmurs “I understand”.

\- So, putting it simply - Alex sighs. - I’m still trying to trust that you won’t hurt Kara again. But, for what it’s worth, I do feel like you’ve learned a lot from your mistakes. And I just wanted you to know I’ve learned from mine too.

Alex will never choose anyone over Kara and she’s made her peace with that a long time ago. But she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t missed Lena or if she suggested that Kara is doing great without her best friend.

Kara needs someone who is just hers, someone other than Alex to remind her that she’s enough without the powers, and Lena used to be that person. At first, it almost killed Alex to admit it, but she sees it clearly now, even if Kara refuses to talk in detail about her problems with Lena.

\- Thank you - Lena finally says. - It means a lot.

Alex smiles gently in response, but then there’s a beep inside her pocket and she reaches for her phone to read Eliza’s text.

\- Mom found somewhere safe for Brainy - she informs. - I’ll head back there and help her prepare.

\- Make sure this is handled discreetly - says Lena. - And that Brainy gets the best treatment available. I’ll cover his expenses.

\- You don’t have to…

\- He can pay me later - Lena cuts in. - We can’t risk Lex tracking him through his insurance use or something. Let’s take things one step at a time.

Alex can’t say she is not right.

\- Ok - she relents, turning the motorcycle’s engine on again. She makes to wear her helmet, but stops mid action. - Thank you, Lena. Call us if you need anything, ok?

Lena nods.

\- You keep in touch too.

***

For the rest of the morning, the honesty of Alex’s words brings Lena some much needed comfort. In fact, she finds it refreshing that Alex didn't give her some half-baked apology or a lecture on how terrible her mistakes were.

Sure, Lena knows she is not completely forgiven, but that’s ok. She’s still convincing herself that she deserves forgiveness in the first place.

She holds on to this spark of hope and confidence as she invites Andrea for a late lunch; then again when she arrives at the restaurant and Andrea is already sitting at a table, waiting for her. She seems nervous and suspicious, even when she tries to smile at Lena during pleasantries.

Once they’ve made their orders and the waiter leaves, Lena starts:

\- Thanks for coming on such a short notice. I just wanted to check on you after last night.

Andrea lets out a dramatic sigh.

\- God, that was a terrible night - she mutters under her breath.

Lena humms in agreement.

_ You have no idea. _

\- I was actually happy that you called - says Andrea. - I want to thank you for stopping me.

Her voice falters a little, and Lena feels her own throat tightening at the memory of a desperate Andrea walking towards Kara with some sort of kryptonite dagger.

\- Did you… - Andrea hesitates, frowning at her. - Have you told Supergirl about me?

Lena shakes her head.

\- No. No one knows that you came around last night.

And it’s true. Amongst other reasons, Lena just didn’t have the time to even consider telling Kara about it.

Andrea gulps, her hands fidgeting nervously with the cutlery.

\- And… the weapon? - she asks in a small voice.

When Lena convinced her not to take action against Supergirl, Andrea still seemed too disturbed to manage protecting the kryptonite dagger, so Lena had taken it and put it inside a lead box at her lab. 

Then earlier this morning, she found the time to securely hide it inside her safest vault, in her bedroom.

Truth is she doesn’t believe Andrea would be ready to protect the piece if it ever came to that. She also knows that there is no way she’ll regain her old friend’s trust if she gives her identity to Kara along with a kryptonite dagger that came so near to killing her.

\- I have it - she says, trying to sound reassuring. - And it’s somewhere safe.

Andrea relaxes ever so slightly, nodding nervously at her.

\- Ok - she murmurs in a shaky voice. - Thank you.

She closes her eyes for a moment, takes a steading breath. Part of Lena wants to point out that it’s best for everyone if Andrea tells Supergirl about her powers, so they can join forces, but then…

\- I assume you’re here to tell me why Supergirl intervened at the Unity Festival. Which I’m guessing has something to do with… - Andrea winces. - Leviathan.

Lena takes a steading breath before answering in a calm voice:

\- That’s right.

She tells Andrea the little she knows about Leviathan and their plan to kill many of the VR users during the Unity Festival. As Lena talks, Andrea pales so much Lena thinks she’s about to throw up. Still, somehow, she listens intently until the end.

\- I didn’t know - Andrea finally murmurs. - I mean, I knew they were supposed to be some big organization and all but… controlling humanity’s fate? - she takes in a deep breath. - A-And I really had no idea that the lenses were part of their plan...

Her voice and her face are exasperated as she tries to understand how her life’s project became the main tool to an evil plan. Lena, who surely can relate to the feeling, tries to sound reassuring: 

\- It wasn’t your fault, Andrea. And it’s alright now. Leviathan is gone.

Andrea frowns at her.

\- What do you mean  _ gone _ ?

Lena shrugs.

\- They vanished. We’re not quite sure how yet.

\- We? - Andrea echoes. - As in you and Supergirl?

\- Yes - Lena ignores the chills going up her spine at the mention of her recent partnership with Kara. - I’m working with her to solve things.

Andrea assesses her expression for a moment, then asks:

\- You and Lex knew about this all along, didn’t you?

Lena blinks in shock.

\- What?

The waiter is back, pouring them both some scotch, and Lena takes the moment to calm down again, to choose her next words carefully.

\- You knew about Leviathan and about my deal with them long before I had even used my powers - Andrea presses. - Then Lex came along to help with Platinum, got close to Gemma and made sure we had everything to launch the lenses…

\- I wasn’t a part of that. 

Lena’s voice sounds almost angry when she interrupts Andrea’s accusations. She takes a steading breath, tells herself not to whine about how once again she was a fool in Lex’s hands.

\- Lex used me. I didn’t know what he was planning, but I needed your VR tech to viabilize one of my projects, so I let him arrange the partnership. Months later, I found out he only wanted me to work with Obsidian so he could take advantage of the fail safe glitch. 

\- That makes no sense - Andrea counters.

\- It does when you consider that the only reason Lex worked with Leviathan in the first place was to defeat them from inside.

Andrea arches an incredulous eyebrow at her.

\- And you didn’t know that?

\- I knew he had a plan against Leviathan, but I had no details. 

Andrea ponders the answer for a minute.

\- So, when you came to offer us help with the algorithm…

Lena ducks her head, ashamed.

\- I already knew about the problem - she whispers.

Andrea doesn’t reply to that, so Lena forces herself to look up again and say:

\- I’m sorry.

Andrea leans back on her chair, purses her lips.

\- So you used me and Lex used you - she scoffs bitterly. - And here I thought you had actually forgiven me.

\- I'm really sorry for making you believe that - Lena admits. - I was alone and going through a very dark moment, and I thought that, if I could take advantage of the people who’d hurt me in the past, then I’d feel better - she returns Andrea’s look as she finishes: - I was wrong, Andrea. I should have never sabotaged you.

_ Or Kara. _

Their orders arrive right then, so there’s yet another pause. This time, after the waiter leaves them, Lena talks first:

\- I’m sorry I haven’t shown it lately - she says tentatively. - But I do care about you, Andrea. I want us to be on good terms.

That earns her a stern look from Andrea as they just stare silently at each other for a while.

\- God knows I’ve done many things that I’m not proud of - Andrea starts. - And, even though hurting you was always my biggest regret, that doesn’t give you the right to hurt me back whenever you feel bad about yourself.

Lena nods stiffly. She’s so tired, having spent the last two days trying to right her own wrongs. She hadn’t planned for her lunch with Andrea to be so intense, and her brain keeps reminding her that she could really use a pause from all the chaos right now.

But Lena allows this one attack from Andrea to slip. They both know she deserved it.

\- I don’t plan to do it again - she offers earnestly. - And, if that’s still something you want, then you should know that I meant what I said last night. If you jump, I jump.

She fights to ignore the blush rising on her cheeks while Andrea considers her answer.

\- I’m just glad this nightmare is finally over - she eventually says, shamelessly avoiding Lena's proposal. 

Lena frowns.

\- What do you mean?

\- Well… I tried to see my father last night, but… I can’t move amongst the shadows anymore.

Lena blinks in surprise a few times. She intended to ask about Andrea’s powers, but now she doesn’t know what to think about the answer. Does that mean Leviathan is gone forever? That all their influences will cease from now on?

\- I guess it makes sense - Andrea continues. - If the powers were somehow provided by Leviathan and they’re both gone now… - she trails off, throwing Lena an expectant look.

\- I understand what you’re saying, but Leviathan was never the only villain involved - Lena leans closer, trying to convey all her concern. - I’ll help in every way I can, but you _ can’t trust Lex _ .

Andrea frowns at her, confused.

\- I thought Lex was working against Leviathan.

Lena shifts uncomfortably. What will it be like to tell anyone in this new world that Lex is not the great hero people believe him to be?

And how much is safe for Andrea to know?

\- Lex is not the person everyone thinks he is - she tries. - I still don’t know what he’s angling at, that’s what Supergirl and I are working to find out; but he doesn’t mean well, Andrea. He’s tried to kill Supergirl more than a few times now.

Andrea tenses up visibly, her face hardens. Lena worries that she didn't believe her, that she's about to turn her back on Lena and leave for good. Instead, Andrea murmurs:

\- You always said he had egomaniac tendencies.

Lena allows herself to let out a breath of relief; she needs Andrea’s trust if she wants to protect her from Lex.

\- I’m sorry - Andrea offers in a small voice. - I know working against him must be hard for you.

She sounds like the teenager who listened closely as Lena told her about her beloved brother and how he’d taught her so much about robotics and science in general. Like the first person who ever had the courage to see Lena lost in insecurity and tell her that Lex didn’t treat her right, that he had no right to question her capacity like he did, and that Lena didn’t have to prove anything to him.

And, God, does Lena need that comfort.

\- Thanks for saying that - she whispers back.

They don’t talk much after this, because Andrea still has to put out a fire at Obsidian, but they make plans to meet again soon and discuss any information they manage to gather until then.

It should make Lena happy that she officially has an ally in Andrea. Instead, she just feels like this will be the same as with Kara: they’ll work together for the greater good, but they’ll never be close friends again.


	5. Chapter 5

_ “ _ _ I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight _

_ I need somebody and always _

_ This sick, strange darkness _

_ Comes creeping on, so haunting every time” _

_ I miss you, by Blink-182 _

* * *

When Kara arrives at Lena’s lab early in the afternoon, Eliza and Alex are preparing to move Brainy to some kind of clinic where he’ll be under the care of Dr King, a friend of Eliza’s.

Other than Eve’s mother, who is watching TV inside the back bedroom, they seem to be the only ones present.

\- Lex didn’t show up during the morning, so M’gann came back from his lab with no news at all - Alex explains when Kara asks her about the others. - She left earlier with J’onn to get some rest at home. And Lena texted a while back. She had to take care of some things before coming back.

Kara just humms in agreement, distracted by her own thoughts.

\- You’re back early - Eliza comments, looking at Kara. - Anything wrong?

\- I need to talk to Eve - Kara explains. - If we’ll have any chance to expose Lex, we need her to write down everything she told us earlier or at least record it… - she lets out a tired sigh. - I had to agree with William when he said it.

\- That’s what you guys talked about earlier? - Alex scrunches up her nose, and Kara rolls her eyes as she responds. 

\- He’s obsessed with the story. I tried to tell him to stay away, but…

\- You know he’d never do that - Alex points out.

\- Well, he should!

Her voice raises without warning, startling both Alex and Eliza. 

\- Sorry - Kara sighs out, avoiding their eyes. - I just… I feel like I’m failing.

\- You saved billions of people just last night - Alex arguments. - How the hell are you failing?!

\- C’mon, you heard Eve! I missed so much… Lex is light-years ahead of us in everything and I couldn’t even find out what he was planning. And now…

\- Ok - Alex stops her rambling, putting both hands on Kara’s shoulders. - Just breathe for now, ok? You can worry about this later.

Kara means to protest, but...

\- Brainy is ready to move - Eliza announces.

\- Alright - Alex immediately shifts into her agent self. She glances quickly at Kara and says: - I’ll take care of logistics now. We’ll talk later?

Kara just nods silently and watches as her sister leaves the room to make some phone calls.

She keeps her eyes on the door Alex has just crossed for a long time, deliberately avoiding Eliza’s look.

It’s no use, of course.

\- I know it’s been a lot - her mother starts. - But you all need to get some rest before saving the world again.

Kara crosses both arms in front of her chest in a defensive gesture.

\- Yeah… But there is a lot left to do.

\- Well, in a few hours, Brainy will be safe and you can all deal with the aftermath of last night’s events - Eliza offers.

They stay in silence for a moment, then Eliza starts again:

\- Lena’s paying for everything, you know? She insisted we didn’t even consider using Brainy’s DEO health insurance. Said Lex could find his location through the insurance company.

Kara merely nods, completely unprepared to hear something like that.

\- You two ok? - Eliza finally asks. - You and Lena? I remember things had been difficult for the two of you.

Kara nods vaguely.

\- We’re helping each other.

Eliza’s knowing look is far more disconcerting than most villains Kara has fought.

\- You were devastated when everything happened - she insists. - I thought you’d be happy to have her back.

\- I am! 

And she is happy. She just feels... burnt.

\- But… there is just a lot going on so...

She wants to traill off and avoid the question, but Eliza’s look is so kind and attentive….

\- I just don’t feel ready to deal with this right now - Kara quietly admits. - I keep asking myself when she’ll walk away again or when she’ll hurt me… - she gulps. - It’s been a lot, I know that… But I need to focus on other things too.

\- It’s ok to feel hurt - Eliza offers. - But you can’t heal from what happened if you hide your feelings about it.

Kara nods, wonders if Eliza knows what it feels like to hold on to hope for so long, only to see the person you cared so much for rub it in your face and destroy your trust over and over again.

Eliza makes to speak again, but Kara beats her to it.

\- Thanks for helping Brainy, Eliza. It really means a lot.

\- Anytime you need - she softly replies.

Her enormous, loving eyes look at Kara like they’re begging her to embrace her vulnerabilities. 

But they have discussed this countless times and Kara can’t afford to simply feel things if it means putting the world in danger.

Before the topic comes up again, she makes up some excuse and leaves the room.

***

As the afternoon goes on, some things are finally resolved.

It takes some convincing, but Eve agrees to record a video explaining everything she knows about Lex. Once the recording is done, Lena and Alex take her and her mother to the plane Lena arranged for them.

Eliza and J’onn accompany Brainy during his transfer to another facility and stay with him for the first few hours. 

And Kara…

Kara flies to the Fortress of Solitude, where she follows Lena’s suggestion and programs the L Protocol again.

She’s still not comfortable with the idea (just because she doesn’t feel like it’s safe to be vulnerable around Lena, doesn’t mean she wants to ban her from the Fortress), but Lena and Alex insisted, so she ends up agreeing to use some hair strands Lena offered her to reprogram the Fortress’s defenses.

After that afternoon, she only sees Lena over the weekend, always when they are visiting Brainy at the new clinic.

Even though everyone is still confused and upset about Brainy’s lies, they still make an effort to help with his recovery. 

Nia comes everyday to see him, sometimes twice a day. Alex and Lena spend most of their weekend at the clinic, supervising every bit of data the doctors can provide them with. Kara, Kelly and J’onn stop by every day after work hours, even if only for a few minutes.

Part of Kara, the one that is disappointed in Brainy and still wary of Lena, wonders if they should work so hard for someone who lied to them and pushed them away for months.

But another part keeps telling her she should be grateful for everyone being alive, and that's the side that she listens to most of the time.

On Saturday morning, Brainy finally wakes up, seemingly suffering from some sort of amnesia and disorientation. He has trouble remembering he’s on Earth, which causes him great distress, so Dr. King, the chief of his medical team, decides to sedate him for a while.

\- He’s out of danger, that’s for certain - Dr. King assures everyone on Sunday afternoon. - His system was really overcharged for hours, so it’s normal that he doesn’t come back right away.

\- But he’s been sleeping for days now! - Nia protests.

\- Right, but his brain activity seems to be increasing - Lena remarks. She’d spent the last hour discussing Brainy’s readings with Dr. King until she agreed that sedating him was the right measure at the time. - He’s in the middle of a reboot process - she continues. - Seems like his body is loading everything he already had: memories, feelings, knowledge… It should take a while.

Lena continues to explain Brainy’s situation to Nia, clearly trying to calm her, and, as Kara watches their interaction, a wave of fondness fills her heart. She had almost forgotten how kind and devoted to her friends Lena could be.

It is something she used to remember all the time, but now it’s rare and it goes away just as fast as it comes, and it makes her wonder if Lena’s dedication is her way of making up for everything that happened, rather than a legitimate demonstration of love and concern.

Minutes later, as they are all walking out the clinic, she meets Lena’s gaze for a second and...

\- I hear you flew by Lex’s lab the other day - Lena starts. - How did it go? 

\- Yeah - Kara sighs out. - I didn’t find anything, but it is his lab, no doubts about it.

Lena raises an eyebrow in question, so she adds:

\- I couldn’t use my x-ray vision because the walls are lined with lead. 

Lena snorts.

\- That’s definitely Lex’s doing. And how did it go back at the Fortress? 

Kara’s shoulders slump at the question. 

There are two things she tries not to think too much about these days: one is how pleased Lex must be now that Leviathan is gone and he is free to finally take over the world; the other is the way Lena behaves around her now.

Sadly, both topics only get harder and harder to ignore.

\- I set up the protocol. But it’s not supposed to kill anyone. It should warn me and hold Lex in place.

\- That’s good - Lena replies. - The virus is working as well. I’ve been looking through some of the DEO files, sorting anything that relates to you or Brainy.

\- Sounds promising.

Lena goes on to tell her how this new data has helped Dr. King with Brainy’s recovery, as if she’s briefing a coworker on their latest progress, but Kara is not really listening anymore. She feels sad and confused. Didn’t Lena come to her loft begging for a chance? Why is she so distant now?

She remembers how, until a few months ago, Lena used to be her escape from the chaos. They would meet for lunch or for movie nights whenever Kara needed a pause from the real world and Lena would make her feel… normal. And cherished. 

Lena made her feel like there weren’t all those worlds upon her shoulders.

But that was months ago, before she learned that Lena was capable of manipulating and hurting her the way she did.

And sure, she apologized for that, but now, it seems Lena has grown used to the idea of being a mere Supergirl’s partner. Are they all about business, then?

They halt right past the doors of the clinic, while Alex and the others stand a few steps away, talking. 

\- I should go...

\- Hey, you want to…

Kara stops her question abruptly. 

\- Oh, never mind - she murmurs.

\- Please - says Lena.

\- I-uh… 

She knows Lena hasn’t been herself, because she always has these dark circles around her eyes and she’s quieter than usual, so Kara can’t help but feeling like Lena is overworking herself, trying to fill whatever emotional hole she’s struggling with right now with tons of work.

She knows that’s what  _ her _ Lena would do, at least.

But the woman in front of her feels… different. She looks like Lena, sure, but she behaves differently. She looks at Kara like someone who’s terrified of saying almost anything, like she is constantly calculating the best approach, the most polite smile.

While Kara struggles to find the words, they stare at each other for a second too long and the silence immediately turns uncomfortable.

Kara fidgets with her glasses nervously. Silences with Lena used to feel safe and natural. Now it just feels out of place.

\- I just meant to ask… - she tries. - We’re meeting at my place to eat potstickers and wash our sorrows away. You wanna join?

She’s not sure if she wants Lena to come along, but she is sure that she hates this new atmosphere hovering over their every interaction. Maybe Lena just needs an opportunity, a small sign that Kara wants them to be ok again.

Lena is visibly shocked at the question, but soon enough she manages to say:

\- Oh, thanks, but I… I don’t want to intrude.

Normally, Kara would’ve promised her she is not intruding, but now...

\- That’s ok - she forces out, trying not to show just how disappointed she feels for Lena dropping the offer that quickly.

\- I’m still CEO and Lex has run my office for long enough - Lena explains, as if she knows exactly what Kara is thinking. - Maybe another time?

\- Of course.

Lena gives her a small, shy smile before waving goodbye, and before Kara can come up with a reason to stop her, she's already walking away on the sidewalk.

***

Kara is sitting by the kitchen island, mindlessly watching her friends from across the room. In the sitting area near the TV, Nia is looking out the window, seemingly lost in thought and J’onn and M’gann are listening closely as Kelly tells them that Obsidian is keeping the VR lenses as medical equipment.

\- So the board finally found out about the kill-switch problem - she’s saying. - They were all over Andrea for quite some time, and that’s how I managed to convince some of them and they were able to slow Andrea down. She even agreed that I reached out to some other colleagues to join the next year of testing.

\- Other PTSD experts? - J’onn queries.

\- And also therapists who work with behavioural disorders and autism. We want to see how VR helps different patients with different necessities…

\- She’s awesome, right?

Alex’s voice comes from across the island, followed by the clinking of her wine glass to Kara’s.

\- She is - Kara agrees, trying her best to smile back at her sister.

\- And how are  _ you _ holding up?

There it is.

Kara somehow has escaped thais question for days, but now that Alex finally asked it, she still can’t think of a solid answer.

\- I’m ok - she sighs out, not looking at Alex. - Just worried about Nia.

\- Yeah… She seems really upset.

Kara turns to her sister with a sad look.

\- She blames herself for not stopping what happened to Brainy… You know she’s trying not to sleep again?

Alex scrunches up her nose.

\- Poor Nia - she says, before taking a small sip of her wine. - Worst part is I don’t think that Brainy’s waking up brought a lot of comfort…

Kara snorts.

\- You know, maybe I should look for patterns here - Alex gives her a confused look, so she elaborates: - First Lena, then Brainy… what is it about Lex that has the smartest people in the world siding with him?!

She regrets saying it as soon as she closes her mouth, because now Alex has that look she only wears when she knows Kara is much more vulnerable than she lets her face show.

\- Kelly said you and Lena shook hands the other day - Alex prompts. - What’s going on?

Kara just shrugs.

\- We had just agreed to work together to catch Lex.

Alex arches an eyebrow in disbelief.

\- You and Lena, Kara? A handshake?

Kara huffs impatiently.

\- I don’t know what you want me to say - she mumbles, looking at the others to hide from Alex's eyes. 

M’gann is talking now and J’onn looks at her with almost adoration. Kelly is just smiling, nodding as M’gann goes on.

They used to have small reunions like this whenever a great villain was defeated, but it doesn’t feel right at this moment, because Kara feels like the real bad guy is still to show himself.

\- It’s ok if you’re hurt - Alex tries. - It really is. But you have to deal with your feelings at some point, Kara.

Kara fixes her glasses, then tries a gulp of her own wine, that had been abandoned on the kitchen island for a long time.

\- Deal with my feelings? - she echoes, glaring at her sister. - Isn’t that all I’ve been doing since the day Lena trapped me in the Fortress and stole Myriad?! And then, she deliberately  _ chose _ to work with Lex and said awful things to me, and…

_ She broke my heart _ , Kara thinks, but she can’t bring herself to say it because it would probably give Alex the wrong impression. So, instead, she lets out a shaky sigh and shifts on her seat before turning to her sister again.

\- I’m glad she’s on our side now, I just… - she bites her bottom lip for a second, building up the courage to finish: - She  _ really _ hurt me. And, sure, we can work together but… is this all her coming back is about? Is it just work?

Because of course Lena’s timing was fine but did she come back  _ only _ for the fight? Hadn’t she missed her friends?

Hadn’t she missed Kara?

Hadn’t she regretted the terrible things she did to Kara?

Alex says nothing in response, so Kara goes on:

\- The truth is even if she wants to be friends again… - she pauses for a second, collecting her thoughts. - She took advantage of me. She  _ knew _ I cared about her, and she used it against me - Kara presses her own lips tightly together to contain the anger that’s boiling under the surface. - She  _ wanted _ to hurt me, Alex. And I know she’s sorry and that she apologized for everything, but… what now? I’m supposed to just forgive and forget? What if she loses it again? Does she even admit to herself that she had no right to manipulate me and lie to me like she did?

She doesn’t mean to sound so hurt and resentful, but she can’t help it. 

Thankfully, Alex’s face remains the same stern, sympathetic expression as she replies:

\- The other day, when you texted 911 and I saw Lena in your living room… I really thought I’d have to give you a lecture about being cautious and not expecting too much from her, ‘cause… well, you’ve always had a soft spot for Lena, you know?

Kara scoffs dryly at the irony of that, stares down at her wine.

\- I don’t know who she is - she finally sighs out. - I mean, my best friend Lena would never manipulate me like she did, or try to mind control humanity… - she shakes her head, glances at Alex. - She would not lie to me about Leviathan only so I’d let her inside the Fortress so she could steal Myriad.

At this point, she’s clenching her fists on her lap, angry and frustrated and so terribly sad about everything she’s just said.

Alex rubs her arm soothingly and offers a sympathetic look.

\- And, considering that she  _ did _ change - Kara continues. - Is that  _ my _ fault? Did I break her beyond repair and unleashed this deceiving person… Or has she always been this way and I just didn't want to see it?

\- Ok, slow down - Alex straightens her posture, gesturing for Kara to wait. - First of all, Lena's mistakes are hers and no one else's. Second of all, as much as you guys used to be close… Don't you think it is a bit much to assume you're the  _ only  _ reason behind her bad choices?

Kara gives her an unconvinced look, but Alex insists:

\- We all do bad things, Kara. And Lena has been through a lot. She had quite an amount of scars before you even came along, and she never hid them.

Kara fiddles with her glasses, suddenly irritated.

\- So you're just saying I didn't know her?

Alex holds both hands up in surrender.

\- I don't know about that. Honestly, if you say you can never be friends with Lena again, I won't judge you.

\- So what  _ are _ you saying?

Alex shrugs, letting out a long sigh.

\- I just want you to make your peace with this - she earnestly replies. - You've forgiven terrible things before… You forgave Mon El a million times, to begin with - Alex's eyes bore into Kara's. - You forgave Dad for disappearing on us. You even forgave Astra. You and Lena don't need to be best friends again, but don't you think it's about time you forgive yourself for what happened between you two?

\- You've forgiven her - Kara murmurs, incapable of hiding her surprise.

\- I'm working on it - says Alex, with a shy smile. - But I want to, yes.

Kara takes a minute to consider the answer. Does she want to forgive Lena too? To start over?

\- She feels like a stranger wearing the face of someone I care about - she sighs out. 

\- Well, do you want to know more about that stranger? If you don't, I'll support you, you know that. If you want to rebuild your friendship with Lena, I'll support you just as much. But you can't choose what you want if you force yourself to ignore it. 

\- Hey, guys! - Nia's voice sounds from across the living room. - Is everything ok over there?

\- Yeah! - Kara gladly accepts the chance to change topics. - We’ll be right there!

Alex grabs her wine glass and makes to move, but Kara holds her arm to stop her.

\- One question - she says, in response to Alex’s confused look. - You were the one who pointed a positron cannon at Lena. Why are you suddenly on her side now?

Alex glances away for a second, gulping. Kara can almost hear her brain working, trying desperately to find the right words.

\- Kelly told me something the other day that really got to me - she says. - We were talking about Dad and how I was angry at myself for not finding him, then angry at him for hiding from me… - she finally returns Kara’s look. - And Kelly said forgiveness is often a selfish choice.

She shrugs at this point and Kara can see her sister’s cheeks blushing. 

\- It really takes an awful lot of energy to hold on to a grudge, you know? And it hurts everyone involved… - Alex sighs. - You’re not yourself since that day in the Fortress. You’re more distant, you’re afraid of letting people in and you took Lena’s choice to work with Lex as a personal offense.

Kara opens her mouth to protest, but Alex holds up a hand to stop her.

\- I know how you feel about him, Kara, but Lex  _ is _ , for better or for worse, the one person on the planet who  _ can _ actually help Lena with a crazy project like non nocere. You used to say Lena had this obsession with proving her worth, right? She wanted a great legacy of her own. So, maybe, her choice to partner with Lex came from that, rather than from any ulterior intentions to hurt you.

Kara stares back at her, wordlessly. After a few seconds, Alex leans closer across the island and murmurs:

\- Besides, we both know forgiveness is kinda your thing. You took Livewire to help you on a mission, remember? You found it in you to move past your parents’ mistakes that led to Krypton’s destruction. You believed in Astra until her last breath! - Alex chuckles lightly. - Jesus, Kara, you tried to save Lex before he fell on Shelley Island! 

Kara feels her own face blushing now, but she can’t say Alex is wrong. She really did all those things.

\- It feels harder this time - she admits in a small voice.

Alex lays a hand on top of hers and smiles. To Kara’s eyes, her face is the visual representation of promise.

\- And that’s ok too. All I’m saying is you don’t need to do any of it alone - Alex holds her hand more firmly then adds: - You still have me, you know.

She considers Alex’s words for a minute.

Does she get to ask for help and comfort after failing everyone around her? Shouldn’t she be strong enough to deal with her own emotions by now?

But Alex is smiling and looking at her little sister with sheer love, and Kara’s heart skips a beat. She is suddenly aware that Alex just loves her, no matter what, no ifs involved.

\- Thank you - Kara whispers, because even if things are not resolved right now, she’s been reminded that it’s alright to lean on her friends whenever it gets too much. She can take their help and feel good about it, rather than guilty.

Alex just nods in response.

\- Always - she murmurs back.


	6. Chapter 6

_ “Learning to walk again _

_ I believe I've waited long enough _

_ Where do I begin?” _

_ Walk, by Foo Fighters _

* * *

\- So, what’s really going on inside that head of yours?

Kelly’s voice brings Alex back from her thoughts unexpectedly. It’s Monday morning and they have just sat for breakfast before Kelly goes to Obsidian for the day.

\- Normally, I’d guess it’s still Kara, but something feels different… - Kelly goes on, chewing thoughtfully on her toast.

Alex just chuckles lightly in response, whirling the coffee inside her cup.

It sounds ridiculous even to her own ears, but she is afraid of talking about the offer she received the day before. It feels like turning her back on everything she’s ever wanted. Like she’s giving her life up all over again by even considering the proposition.

\- I got a job offer - she blurts out, refusing to let her eyes meet Kelly’s.

There is a brief pause, then:

\- That’s great! Right?

When they finally lock eyes, Kelly’s face is a mixture of excitement and caution. Her brows are furrowed deeply and the sight is so adorable it makes Alex feel a bit more relaxed.

\- I wasn’t even looking for a job though - she says. - But Dr King asked to meet me later today and discuss a possible position with his team. He said he even spoke to my mom about my qualifications.

Kelly nods as she listens, her eyes gleaming from the obvious enthusiasm.

\- And you wanna go?

Alex lets out a long sigh.

\- I don’t know - she admits, shrugging. - I mean, I have a job with J’onn and his PI cases and I just got that vigilante suit...

But she’s realized that becoming a vigilante involves way more preparation than she had previously anticipated.

First, she needs a vigilante name. Then she needs to plan how much time she’d like to dedicate to fighting crime, what kinds of crime she would face alone… Plus she has no guarantee that the local Police will be welcoming to a new hero in town. They took quite some time to finally back off from Guardian.

\- No one said you should be a vigilante for a living - Kelly remarks. - You love science, babe, it’s ok if you want the job.

\- But what about the DEO?

The question just slips off before Alex can stop herself. She sees Kelly’s expression changing from reasonable and firm to soft and caring. Kelly drops her toast on a plate so she can reach for Alex’s hand across the table.

\- It's always been the DEO - Alex sighs out. - And right now was supposed to be my greatest professional moment. Instead, I quit the job and left everyone there exposed to Lex. And I know it sounds like I just want my comfort blanket back… But I barely had a chance to do anything! First was Colonel Hayley, then Lex… - she hates herself for sounding so broken-hearted when she completes: - The DEO was this  _ one great thing _ I ever did with my life. And for what?! I left no legacy there.

It’s not the first time they discuss her difficulty at adjusting to civilian life, but it’s the first time Alex can see her own feelings with enough clarity to actually voice them.

\- You were a great agent and a devoted director - Kelly offers, gripping her hand more tightly. - What else could anyone want from you?

She wants to retort, to say that that is the minimum expected from any employee anywhere, but she knows Kelly has a point.

\- Besides - Kelly goes on -, you didn't quit for no reason, Alex. You just refused to be a part of Lex's plans and chose to defeat him from the outside.

Alex scoffs dryly.

\- Yeah, I thought I was leaving everyone safe with Brainy, but guess what…

She looks down at her own plate and tries to swallow her frustration in silence, but then Kelly is calling her name, speaking with certainty.

\- You don’t owe  _ anything _ to the DEO - Kelly states. - Just think about what  _ you _ want. If you want to put on that suit and just fight crime all day long, then we’ll make it work. If you want to be a scientist with Dr King and occasionally join the fight with Kara and the others, then we’ll figure it out too. And you don’t even have to be any of these things forever! One of these days, we will take Lex down and the DEO will be more than lucky if you still want to work there.

Alex squeezes Kelly’s hand in response. She appreciates the incentive, she really does. It’s just that... 

\- Don’t you think I should have at least _ this _ part of my life figured out by now? Especially if I’m ever going to be a mother...

Much to Alex’s surprise, Kelly smiles, throwing her a knowing look.

\- I think those are two different things - she slowly replies. - And I think you don’t need to feel guilty for having a life. It’s ok to want things, you know?

\- Yeah, and I wanted the DEO more than anything. I mean, my life changed completely after J’onn recruited me! I’d never dedicated myself so much to anything, or felt so rewarded by my own work - she swallows thickly before adding: - I was great at it, Kelly. And it felt so good to be great at something.

Kelly looks intently at her and that’s how Alex knows she understands the real meaning of the last words: it felt good to learn more about herself, to finally see that she could live up to the expectations.

\- Alex, listen to me. You're so great at so many things other than your job. You're honest, loyal, compassionate, incredibly smart… And  _ these _ are the qualities that make you a great person and a great professional no matter the path you choose.

Their eyes meet again, and Alex can't keep her upset expression anymore; she chuckles shyly at that, rubbing the back of her neck

\- Have you discussed this with Kara? - Kelly asks.

Alex shakes her head.

\- She’s been so upset with Lex winning and Lena coming back weird… I didn’t want to overload her.

\- Well, I think she’ll be more than willing to listen to you and we both know that, if anyone knows how to ground you and make you feel safe, that person is your sister.

Alex ducks her head, suddenly embarrassed.

\- It’s the first time I’m considering a job that has nothing to do with protecting her - she murmurs, knowing that Kelly has already figured that much out.

When she looks up again, Kelly leans over the table so they can stare at each other from up close. Her eyes are intense and inviting as she whispers:

\- So you  _ are _ considering it, huh?

***

\- So you really are back!

It’s monday morning and the sound of Lex’s voice coming from Lena’s office doorstep sounds like a bad omen for the entire week.

\- Well - she replies, sighing. - It’s still my office, right?

\- It is.

Lex finally closes the door and walks towards Lena’s table. On the way over, he keeps his hands in his pockets, wearing that casual expression he manages to keep on for most of the time.

\- I just wasn’t sure if you’d still want it.

\- What do  _ you _ want, Lex?

\- I’m just checking on you. I know things got…  _ heated _ , last time we talked.

_ Well, that is certainly one way to describe it _ .

\- Come on - she leans back on her chair. - You didn’t come here just to check on me. You only come to see me when you want something from me.

Lex puts a hand against his chest and shakes his head, like he’s been deeply hurt.

\- I don’t know what else to do to convince you, Lena. I gave you literally everything and still… - he lets out a long breath then adds: - You ran back to Supergirl at the first chance.

Lena’s insides are twisting uncomfortably, but she manages to keep an emotionless face as she speaks:

\- I don’t know what you’re talking about.

\- Please! - Lex scoffs. - You think I don’t know you managed to get Supergirl inside the VR talking to billions of people at the same time?

Lena refuses to play his game, so she just arches a cynical eyebrow at him and they stare wordlessly at each other for a while, until Lex chuckles lightly.

\- So… this is it, then? - he asks, gesturing between the two of them. - I keep your memory intact, give you the life you’ve always wanted, help you with your experiments… And now you’ll turn your back on me.  _ Again _ .

Raw anger threatens to tumble out of Lena’s mouth, but she crosses her legs and fists both hands as hard as possible to prevent it.

\- What do you want? - she asks again. - You and I both know you don’t need my help and most certainly don’t care about my wellbeing, so what is it now?

Lex sighs dramatically.

\- What you fail to see, Lena, is that I didn’t keep your memory intact and gave you literally everything you had ever asked for because I wanted to torture you. I did it because I believe in you. I  _ always _ have, and you know that. 

\- You mean you believed so much in me you just waited until non nocere caused a massive disaster to finally tell me your honest opinion about it?! - she snaps. - Or do you mean you believed so much in it that you had my technology used against humanity’s best interests yet again?!

\- What the hell do you think I would do to those people?! - and again, he looks and sounds like he is offended. - Supergirl came bursting in, but no one was hurt, right? We still have no clue of what big danger she was talking about.

Lena almost bites her tongue to refrain from spitting at Lex that she knows the truth, that Eve outsmarted him yet again. While she struggles to stay quiet, Lex scoffs, shaking his head in disappointment:

\- Honestly, Lena, if I had told you right away that non nocere was doomed, would you have believed me?!

She stills at that because it’s true.

\- You would have accused me of all the same things you’re throwing at me right now and then you’d get to work on it by yourself. But I wanted a chance to show you how we can be greater together…

\- You’re sick - she cuts in. It’s not a planned interruption and her voice is so cold it startles her. But at least it gets Lex to stop talking.

\- I’m here because I care - he says after a silent pause. - Just like I always have.

Lena rolls her eyes at that, but Lex pays no mind to it.

\- Mother was right - he says instead, his voice dripping with despise. - You  _ are _ ungrateful. 

\- Excuse me?

She stands up now, startled and offended, but Lex remains perfectly calm.

\- It’s the truth - he coldly replies. - I  _ made you _ who you are, we both know that. Father may have brought you to the manor, but what else did he ever do? - Lex scoffs. - He was just a sad drunk, a weak man, really. A weak man moved by guilt for what happened to you.

\- Stop it - it’s a threat now, because she can’t remember the last time Lionel was brought into a discussion and she just can’t deal with that right now. 

\- You know it’s true! - Lex insists. - I am the one person who ever really saw you for what you have most, Lena - he looks deeply into her eyes as he adds. - You have potential. Lots and lots of potential, and I took you under my wing….

She laughs dryly at the last bit, suddenly too infuriated to care.

\- Oh, did you now? Last time I checked, you kept an inventory of every mistake I ever made since that first damn day inside the manor! You had me stealing from Father, only so I could prove my loyalty to you. You dismissed every invention I ever made, only so you could change the smallest detail and call it your own product!

\- But I still came home twice a year from college - he counters. - And what? You think all those summers building cars and robots and studying exotic substances were just for fun?

Lex’s eyes are suddenly predatory now, much different from the laid back brother who taught Lena all the basics of robotics.

\- I did it because I knew you were capable! - he walks closer to her, as if urging her to understand. -  _ You _ are my legacy, Lena. I always knew you’d be the best of us and I made sure you were prepared for it.

He had been indeed the only person who seemed to believe enough in Lena until Jack. And he was the only one who came to her MIT graduation all those years ago (Lena still remembers his huge smile when they hugged after the ceremony).

She wants to send him off, but she can’t find the words. Her thoughts are racing now, trying to remember every distorted gesture of love Lex ever gave her. All the gaslighting he called “tough love”, all the times he made her feel small and broken only so he could also be the one to help her pick up the pieces and take credit for that last part.

_ Who will be left to be proud of you? _

She suddenly remembers how she had ever been capable of pulling that trigger a year ago.

It seems like her wondering has taken too long though, because Lex is shrugging at her, visibly disappointed.

\- Ok - he finally relents, raising his hands in surrender. - You can accuse me all you want, diminish my efforts to be a good mentor… but I’m still the one who was always honest with you. Can you say the same about Supergirl?

\- Just go already - she bites in response.

Lex just shakes his head.

\- Mother kept it from you, Supergirl kept it from you… but _ I _ planned to tell you as soon as possible.

Lena scoffs angrily.

\- I did - Lex insists, and his hand comes up to point at Lena. - You showing up and snapping on me like you did forced me to speed things up but… - he puffs his chest, ever so proudly. -  _ Kara Danvers _ was the one who lied to you and who had everyone else you cared about lying to you. She’s the one who tried to hide her misdeeds from you. And still, the second you feel unsure in anyway, you run back to her. And for what, Lena? Can you seriously tell me she still looks at you the same?

She wants to kick him out and scream at him that she knows just how much he manipulated her relationship with Kara but her body is completely frozen. Her throbbing heart is the only reminder that this is all very real.

Lex nods before walking towards the door and reaching for the door handle. He looks at Lena one last time, clearly disappointed.

\- Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Then he finally leaves. 

***

Over the next two weeks, Lena develops the habit of visiting Brainy at the clinic everyday, usually in the early morning, before heading to Luthor Corp. 

It starts out of guilt and stress, like she needs to save something, but it soon becomes about the wave of warmth she feels every time Brainy smiles at her and thanks her for checking his progress.

It also helps that Brainy is finally recovering his memories. He’s capable of recognizing his friends and the reality they all live in. He still blanks out every now and then and his calculations aren’t as flawless as they used to be, but he’s getting better, and that makes Lena believe that at least one of their major problems is about to be solved.

Besides, Brainy’s company feels adequate. They both worked with Lex and lied to Supergirl and the others. They both chose to rely on their own rational plans rather than on the people they loved. And most importantly: unlike Kara, Brainy doesn’t look at Lena as if he’s trying to determine whether or not she is the same person from all those Game Nights and DEO missions.

One morning, she even brings them coffee, and they just sit around, sipping their drinks and sharing a thoughtful silence, until Briany announces:

\- Tonight I’ll tell the others everything.

Lena returns his look, trying to keep an encouraging expression as she responds:

\- I’m sure it’ll go well.

Brainy gulps.

\- I surely hope so - he whispers. - Either way, it does comfort me to know that they have you now.

Lena shifts on her seat, offers him some encouragement about time and effort healing all the wounds, and urges herself to believe her own words. 

_ Is there forgiveness for everyone though? _

They stay silent for the rest of their time together and, by then, Lena’s thoughts are racing around with worry. What if Lex was right about Kara never looking at her the same? If Brainy, who has worked with the Super Friends and known Kara’s secret all along, is so afraid they’ll never forgive him, shouldn’t Lena be even less hopeful for herself?

Eventually, she finishes her coffee and stands up to leave. Brainy thanks her for coming by, like he does every time, and Lena manages to give him some honesty in return:

\- It’s really good to have you back, Brainy.

Her nervousness lessens a little when, later that morning, J’onn takes her to the Tower, where he gives her her own access pin to the building’s separate entrance, the so-called back door.

Lena is moved by all the trust that the gesture implies - especially because Kara was the one to invite her a couple of days ago, although she didn’t have the time to take Lena herself -, even if she still doesn’t feel worthy of it. She knows she’s not the same as Supergirl and her heroic allies, but they need Lena’s help, especially now that Brainy is recovering, and Lena needs theirs if she wants to catch her criminal brother, so she’ll have to deal with the self doubts somehow, find a way to keep her self destructive Luthor genes at bay.

During this first visit to the Tower, she uses her spy virus to synchronize the Tower’s database with the DEO’s, so the Supers can keep up with everything that happens inside the agency in real time; and  takes mental notes of a few equipment the place is lacking.

\- You’re welcome here at any time - J’onn says after showing Lena how to  correctly insert her access pin on the digital locker that guards the back door.

She just nods.

\- Thanks again, J’onn.

She makes it to open the door, but J’onn calls her back with an uncertain voice:

\- Just one more thing - he says. - I need to thank you.

\- For what?

\- For coming back to help us.

His response is so simple, so honest… Lena doesn’t know what to say or how to feel about it. J’onn sighs and shifts position, folding his arms in front of his chest.

\- I also wanted to say - he continues. - I am... we all are, actually… truly sorry for what happened between you and Kara.

Lena gulps now. She wants to cut him short, but all her energy is focused on keeping a neutral expression.

\- It wasn’t my secret to tell, but still… I understand why it hurt and I’m really sorry I didn’t help you with that either.

Lena’s eyes are burning now, so she blinks a few times to push back the tears. She half expects that the moment will end in the same suddenness that most dreams end, but many seconds pass and J’onn is still looking at her from a few steps. His face is pure softness.

\- Thank you - she manages to say in a low voice, avoiding his look. - Honestly, I wonder if it wasn’t for the best that I didn’t know anything. I mean, look what happened after I found out.

J’onn examines her for a minute before he says:

\- Coming from a planet wrecked by war… I have done a lot of bad things, Lena. And I learned that the real honor is not in making the right choice every time, but in owning our mistakes, learning from them and taking responsibility. It’s all any of us can do, you know? Our best.

There is an awkward silence then, because Lena can’t bring herself to respond in any way. She risks a stiff nod, and, apparently, J’onn takes it as incentive to continue talking:

\- I have gone through some dark paths before, and it felt… - he shudders a little, discomfort clear on his face. - Well, it felt like I didn’t have a choice, like I had nowhere to return to… - he gives her an earnest look as he adds: - Along the way, I was very lucky to have people who reminded me that we  _ always _ have a choice. I know it’s a little late to say this, but… - he rests a tentative hand on her shoulder. - You’re part of the team, Lena. You  _ do have _ a place to return to.

Lena looks back at him, completely speechless. Her surprise must show on her face, because J’onn is smiling now, like he’s finally had the reaction he went for.

Lena had no idea how much she needed to hear that until she finds herself holding back the tears and choking out another thank you to J’onn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> I don't know if all of you watched the deleted scenes from season 5 (they're all avaiable on YouTube), but just so you know there will be a few mentions to them. It's nothing too big that could compromise your understanding of the story, but I still thought it'd be nice to give you a heads up.
> 
> Hope everyone is safe and sane! =D


	7. Chapter 7

_ “ _ _ I was lost, I was lost _

_ Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed _

_ I was lost, oh yeah” _

_ In my place, by Coldplay _

* * *

It is the first time on this new Earth that Kara has to watch people discuss whether or not Supergirl’s actions had been appropriate to the moment.

Over two weeks after the complete disaster at the Unity Festival, all media outlets are still discussing the episode non-stop. Even though a lot of conspiracy theories are popping up and a number of fiscalizations have happened at Obsidian, no one has hard proof of what big bad event was supposed to occur during the festival, so most people agree with the Tribune’s evaluation of Supergirl’s speech as an “over-the-top manifesto of her own opinions regarding virtual reality, where she deliberately used her popularity and the public’s trust in her to convince them of abandoning an event of unprecedented proportions for apparently no reason”.

Andrea, of course, has taken advantage of the chaos, claiming Supergirl stopped the festival for some unknown motive and that Obsidian was recalling all the lenses out of the purest concern for their customers’ wellbeing.

It took a while, but her strategy managed to stop the dramatic drop on Obsidian’s shares.

As for CatCo, they published a small piece about the Unity Festival and the growing doubts regarding what really happened behind the scenes.

Kara feels a little embarrassed to admit that it was probably one the best articles they’d published under Andrea’s administration. It wasn’t just well-written, but perfectly impartial as well: no conspiracy theories, no criticism towards Supergirl…

Still, it did nothing to abate the public’s distrust towards her.

Trying to revert that and ease some of the pressure, Kara has intensified her night patrols as if to reassure herself that nothing will escape her guard. However, other than ordinary burglaries, fires, traffic accidents, and the eventual rant of some tech enthusiast on TV blaming her for ruining the Unity Festival, she hasn’t had to deal with a lot.

Part of Kara knows she just needs to give it some time, but she finds that strategy especially difficult to apply when Lex continues to be the public’s idol and Supergirl’s image is under attack.

Besides being the media’s favorite, as acting Director, Lex is now at the DEO everyday, during most of the day, planning the headquarters rebuild, monitoring every ongoing operation, reallocating prisoners so they can have more room for offices and labs at the desert facility. 

Thankfully these tasks keep him too busy to be the one briefing Kara during her daily reporting every morning - except for the one time Lex came to personally assign her with carrying an enormous amount of derelicts from the headquarters rubble.

Kara had expected him to smile in triumph or something like that, but Lex didn’t seem pleased at all. In fact, much to Kara’s confusion, he has barely spent a glance at her.

Working for the DEO has also become a constant reminder of how outrageous it is that Lex can make himself director of the institution just like that, while Alex, who dedicated her life to it, works with J’onn on his PI cases.

Even if her sister doesn’t complain much, Kara knows she is frustrated. She can see the way Alex’s muscles tense whenever the DEO comes up in conversation and she notices Alex’s frustration everytime another of hers and J’onn’s PI cases are solved without giving them any clue of Lex’s master plan.

And finally, on top of all of Kara's concerns… there is Lena. Kara can’t reconcile the person she once called her best friend with the uncertain woman who only meets her for strict Supergirl-related business.

If Kara felt angry and confused about that at first, now she is mostly concerned. Lena seems like an even more lonely version of that young woman who came to National City years ago. She is always more tired than usual, quieter than usual.

Kara has two theories about that: either Lena is trying to catch up on every small detail of Lex’s projects on this new Earth, obsessed with her mission to right every last one of her brother’s mistakes; or she is working non-stop to gather all the information and resources that the Super Friends may need.

Either way, Kara worries about her.

She worries, because she still remembers how hard it was to wake up in a new universe where Alex honestly thought Lex was a good guy. How terrified she felt by every new discovery about Earth Prime, the constant fear of finding out that something or someone she loved no longer existed or had simply turned evil.

It’s been months now, and even though Earth Prime has become more familiar, Kara still feels the loneliness that comes from knowing she’s failed. The feeling comes crashing down on her every time she watches Lex bossing DEO agents around, posing as a hero.

\- Kara! You have a moment?

The sound of Andrea Rojas’s voice interrupts her thoughts, and Kara forces herself to stand up and walk into her office.

\- Ms Rojas.

Andrea politely indicates one of the chairs across her desk then waits until Kara is properly settled to begin: 

\- I’ve pulled a few strings here and there and CatCo has been invited to the Nobel Peace Prize ceremony. I’m assigning you to cover it.

\- The Nobel? - Kara repeats, shocked.

Andrea lets out a tired sigh.

\- Honestly, I thought you of all people would like it, Kara. It’s a great chance to do some in depth research and you’ll be attending one of the most prestigious international events…

\- Of course! - she quickly agrees. - But why only the Peace Prize? What about the others?

\- Well, the Peace Prize is the only one awarded to an american this year. Besides, the Nobel ceremonies are quite exclusive events. I couldn’t get us into both.

This time, Kara finally understands what is really happening.

\- So you want me to write about Lex Luthor receiving the Nobel Peace Prize - she voices it, just to be sure.

\- Exactly. And, since William wrote those articles about the Kaznia conflict last year, I’m guessing the two of you could write some kind of follow up. I mean, Kaznia _ is _ the reason Lex Luthor was indicated in the first place…

\- Which is very controversial - Kara points out, but Andrea is quick to dismiss her.

\- Well, that’s not for us to decide, is it? I want you to write about how technology helped ending the conflict in Kaznia last year and how it’s helped make Lex Luthor one of the world’s most influential people. You know, discuss all these great new uses for technology and how we could all benefit from it.

\- You wanna us to clean up the mess caused by the lenses - Kara grumbles, throwing a scolding look at Andrea, who simply eyes her with utter calmness. 

\- First of all, that mess was mostly Supergirl’s doing - she slowly states, as though to make sure Kara is registering every word. - No one has found whatever terrible danger she claimed people were in. Second, technology is this year’s watchword at the Nobel. Lex Luthor has rebuilt Kaznia with his company’s inventions. Not to mention his tech helped the UN troops stop that terrible war between Kaznia and Kazakhstan. So no, Kara, it’s not about marketing, this is simply news.

Kara concedes a stiff nod, her jaw still firmly clenched from the injustice of it all. She knows Andrea is right this time. If anything, she should probably be glad that her boss has explicitly proposed an in depth research about anything that truly is newsworthy.

Still, all she feels is this urge to yell about how Lex is taking control of everything while everyone cheers for him.

\- Well, that’s it for now - says Andrea. - You still have a few weeks to prepare and CatCo will cover all expenses related to your task.

Kara nods again, alreadying standing on her feet. She murmurs a quick thank you before walking back to her desk, trying not to show just how upset she feels about everything.

***

When Lena arrives, Andrea is sitting behind her desk at Obsidian, furrowing her eyebrows at the computer screen. The perspective of interrupting whatever complicated thinking she’s doing almost convinces Lena not to knock - she was caught off-guard by Andrea’s invitation after all -, but she forces herself to do it either way.

\- You wanted to see me? - she asks from the entryway.

Andrea closes something on her computer before she turns her attention completely to Lena.

\- I did - she sighs out, offering a tired smile. - Come on in!

Lena can’t manage to smile back as she makes her way to the chair in front of Andrea’s and takes a seat.

Andrea speaks first:

\- So the last fiscalization on our lenses was finished and we found no sign of Leviathan or anything that could point to a plan like the one you described.

Lena didn’t expect Leviathan to leave a trail of breadcrumbs on their wake, but it doesn’t make the chase any less exhausting.

\- Thanks for telling me - she sighs out. - I’m afraid I don’t have better news to share. As Supergirl and her associates have found out, Lex didn’t kill Leviathan during the Festival. In fact, he trapped them with some intricate alien technology, and we’re still not sure of what he plans to do with it.

Andrea humms in acknowledgement, then silence settles upon them. Lena is beginning to think that she should simply stand up and accept the end of this very awkward conversation when Andrea blurts out:

\- Did you mean what you said the other day at lunch? About us being on good terms?

Lena blinks a few times in surprise. She didn’t know what to expect when Andrea called, and she’s not sure how much she can trust her right now, but it feels right to give Andrea some honesty.

\- I did.

Andrea examines her face for a moment, like she’s searching for the smallest signs of deception.

\- After all these years… - she muses. - Why now?

Part of Lena wants to pull back and demand some explanation, wants to protect her feelings before Andrea gets a chance to hurt them beyond repair; but she resists it.

She remembers talking Andrea out of killing Supergirl by confessing her own regrets and mistakes with such honesty it almost choked her up. Most importantly, she also remembers holding Andrea tightly afterwards, feeling confident that they could help each other stay on the right course.

And she’s desperate to feel like that again, because she just can’t stand to be an island anymore.

\- I’ve learned my lesson - Lena chokes out. - I’ve been hurt deeply by the people I loved most and I’ve tried to protect myself from the pain in various ways, but… like I told you before, it just made me feel worse and more alone. It also helps that I now understand why you did what you did and why you thought that, by not explaining it to me, you’d be keeping me safe.

Andrea’s stern face falters a little, a gleam of vulnerability shines in her eyes.

\- So you’re not trying to recruit me? - she asks suspiciously. - Because I get this feeling that you’ll share with Supergirl everything I ever tell you about any of this.

God, Lena has thought about this. She’s considered that maybe her partnership with Supergirl would lead Andrea to believe that she could never be fully trusted, but she’s also realized that she can’t turn her back on Kara again.

Not only she owes it to Kara but working with her is simply the best solution. A Luthor and a Super working together: what better combination is there?

\- I am working with Supergirl - she cautiously starts. - But that doesn’t put me against you.

\- I don’t want to be a hero - Andrea’s voice shakes a little, but it sounds more like fear than anything else. - I can feed you information about Leviathan or anything else that may interest you, but I won’t take any part in this.

Lena gulps. If Andrea never tells Kara the truth then… will she have to hide the kryptonite dagger forever?

\- That’s your choice and I respect it. But I do think you should tell Supergirl the truth.

Andrea scoffs.

\- I knew it. You want to take advantage of me again, right? You did it when you convinced me to buy CatCo for much more than it was worth, then again when you offered help with the Platinum Project and when you came to “comfort me” about Leviathan…

\- This time it’s different - Lena cuts in.

It’s hard to earn someone’s trust when she feels so unworthy of it, when she is disgusted by what she did to Andrea months ago; but Lena has come to the conclusion that, to earn a feeling of self value again, to actually turn her mistakes into life lessons, she needs to build some bridges. 

And Andrea definitely is one of her many, many regrets.

Lena shifts on her seat, choosing her next words with utter caution:

\- I want to be better than that - she admits. - I really do, Andrea. And I know it’s been a long time, so I’m not saying we should be best friends again, but I want us to trust each other. 

Andrea grimaces at that, her voice comes out strangled.

\- You saw what I was going to do to Supergirl. How could you _ever_ trust me?

_ Be brave now. _

\- Because, even though I didn’t point it at Supergirl... I’ve been the one with the gun.

The confession comes out rushed, but Andrea understands it anyway. She pales a little, straightens her back as Lena continues:

\- I felt trapped and desperate to protect myself and the people I cared about, so I took a gun and planned to use it.

Lena wants to say the rest, but she’s sure it’s much too early and she really has no idea how she’d explain Lex being alive again, so she chooses against it.

\- It was one of my lowest moments, but it happened and all I wanted then was for someone to help me come out of that darkness.

She clears her throat, fights away the memory of the cold metal in her hands, of Lex’s angry voice piercing her eardrums, of Kara’s betrayal suffocating her for months. 

\- I had no idea how to ask for help, so I let myself drown deeper and deeper, until things escaped my control entirely and I could barely recognize who I was - she looks intently at Andrea. - But you were always braver than me, Andrea. All I’m saying is that I know what it feels like to make a terrible choice and let it dictate your life’s course, but you don’t have to do that.

Andrea looks away, takes a few steading breaths, and Lena’s heart beats frantically as she waits for a response, for Andrea to say anything at all.

\- Maybe we can help each other - Andrea finally sighs out. - There is one thing you should consider though.

They lock eyes again and Lena gestures expectantly for her to continue.

\- The both of us have  _ a lot _ of work to do about our trust issues.

Her response makes Lena’s heart flutter with joy. 

With hope.

Lena has spent the last few years completely focused on Kara and the Super Friends, and recently, she’s even considered that, in case Kara never truly forgives her, maybe the others would be enough; but she ultimately decided that independent of what Kara decides about their friendship, it feels adequate for Lena to have friends of her own. She wants to make herself capable of building her own healthy relationships.

\- Maybe we could start with coffee tomorrow? - Lena suggests tentatively. - I know a place that serves a heavenly cappuccino, and I think you’ll really like it.

Andrea chuckles, then smiles at her, finally seeming more relaxed.

\- I do like a good cappuccino - she says. - I’ll check my schedule for tomorrow. Will you text me the address?

Lena can’t help her own smile now as she gets to her feet and prepares to leave Andrea alone with her work again.

\- Sure thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, everyone! \o/


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter of the year, guys! 
> 
> Hope you're well and wish you a great 2021! Stay safe! =D

_ “ _ _ ' _ _ Cause lately we've been breaking _

_ All we've built so far _

_ And I'm tired of sitting waiting _

_ Alone in the dark _ _ ” _

_ Standing in the way of the light, by Birdy _

* * *

The next day, Nia is out pursuing some big story, so Kara ends up having lunch with William. Just the two of them.

Not that Kara minds it. William is a good company and he is the one who suggested potstickers earlier that morning.

It’s also a good distraction from how trapped and powerless Kara’s been feeling after weeks of trying and failing in finding out Lex's masterplan.

Their time alone is still weird though, because it’s the first time they go out only the two of them since their date that never quite had an ending.

\- You can't possibly be hungry after all those potstickers - William comments, throwing her a horrified look.

\- No one eats dessert because they're hungry - she replies, waving a dismissive hand at him. - Besides, you were the one who said you needed a bathroom, right?

They were on their way back to CatCo when Kara chose to make a quick stop at Noonan's and get her favorite brownies for dessert. Now, they are standing by the restaurant's door, waiting for the ever growing line to move along.

\- Alright - William concedes. He gives her a sly smile as he adds: - But you'll buy me one too, right?

\- I will - Kara promises. - As long as you come back from the men's room before I eat it.

He mocks an offended face before rushing away towards the toilet, and Kara just laughs to herself as she watches him leave.

Noonan's is just as crowded as usual for a weekday lunch time, which gives Kara a strange sense of comfort. It makes her feel as though at least this one thing in her life hasn't changed or been corrupted by Crisis and by Lex's plans.

In fact, she's so distracted, looking around the place, she doesn't even notice when she takes a step to the side and almost abandonnes her place in the line. From this new spot, Kara can see her favorite table, the one by the window where she usually sat for lunch with…

She moves mindlessly to the side and bumps her shoulder on someone, making them gasp aloud, clearly startled.

\- Oh, shoot! I'm so sorry, I…

Kara trails off when the person she just bumped into looks up. 

\- Hi - she chokes out after a few seconds. - You ok?

\- Yeah, me and my coffee survived just fine - says Lena.

All those months after their fallout, Kara never ran into Lena at Noonan's (or anywhere, really). She still came to the same places with the same frequency, but it seemed like Lena had no reason to be there if they were no longer friends.

Yet, here she is.

\- I'm so sorry - Kara tries again. - I didn't see you.

\- That's ok, really.

They stare quietly at each other. Kara wants to ask Lena about her visit to the Tower or about anything else that could launch a conversation…

\- I never see you here anymore - she blurts out, fixing her glasses.

Lena blushes a little, her eyes look down before she vaguely explains:

\- Yeah, I've been really busy… Barely have the time to come down for a coffee.

\- And have you found anything new?

Kara wants to slap herself. Why is she talking about Supergirl matters right now?!

Lena shakes her head.

\- Nothing yet - she sighs out. 

In the silence that follows, Kara searches her mind for something, anything that can help her start a lighter conversation…

\- Please tell me you didn't eat my brownie.

She turns around to find William standing by her side, looking expectantly at her.

Kara needs a minute to understand that… Yep, she lost her place in the line when she chose to stay where she is and talk to Lena.

\- I actually got out of the line…

\- It's my fault - Lena interjects. - I was walking distracted and bumped into Kara.

\- Lena Luthor, right? - William offers a hand. - Pleasure to meet you. I'm William Dey.

\- Pleasure to meet you as well, Mr. Dey. 

\- I'm very excited for our interview later this week - he offers Lena a bright smile. - Rumour has it your new product could change physiotherapy forever.

Right, Kara thinks. A few days ago, Luthor Corp announced a new line of prosthetics limbs, and Andrea had assigned William to interview Lena about it. 

Kara wasn't present at the editorial meeting then (she had been called out by the DEO to handle some stray aliens in the suburbs), but she found out later that Nia had volunteered for the task, and Andrea just chose William either way, arguing that she preferred a more experienced journalist for the job. 

\- It'll be my pleasure - Lena's voice brings Kara back to reality. - Andrea convinced me to sacrifice some very important meetings so the interview could happen before the official launch ceremony.

\- I promise I won't take too much of your time.

William gives Lena one last smile before turning to Kara. 

\- I'll go back to the line while you guys catch up, ok? Nice to meet you, Ms. Luthor.

He walks away before Kara can decide how she feels about the last thirty seconds of her own life.

\- I should go - says Lena. - I need to be at the office and William is waiting for you…

\- Is everything ok with you?

There is a tense moment of silence then. 

Lena blinks in shock, and Kara fidgets with her glasses, suddenly aware of how out of context her question sounds.

\- I'm sorry - she murmurs. - It's just… you've been... distant, I guess.

Lena's face is pure calmness as she queries:

\- Distant?

\- Well, I just… 

Rao, what the hell was she thinking?!

\- Everyone is worried that you may be working too much - she improvises.

Lena chuckles.

\- I'm not familiarized with the concept of too much work.

Kara can't stop the huge smile that forms on her lips at Lena's joke. Lena smiles right back, and for a moment, it is like things had never changed between the two of them.

\- You offered me a work partnership and I respect that - Lena starts in a low voice. - I don't expect things to go back to the way they were.

Kara gulps.

\- So are we all about business now?

She doesn't know why her heart races so much while she waits for an answer, but she forces herself to keep a straight face all along.

Lena sighs.

\- If you feel like that's the best choice, then yeah. You don't owe me anything, Kara.

It should fill Kara with relief, right? Lena is no longer angry at her, she's just giving her some space to figure everything out.

But Kara can't see how their new dynamics would help anything.

\- What if I asked William to give me that interview?

She's surprised by her own suggestion, worried that it came out of nowhere…

\- And maybe I can bring some lunch and we can eat afterwards?

Lena's eyes sparkle at that last bit, and the sight makes Kara's heart skip a beat.

\- I'd love that - says Lena.

Kara smiles dumbly at her.

\- Then, I'll see you later this week.

***

The walk back to CatCo is silent, mostly because Kara's thoughts are racing at the prospect of interviewing Lena again, just like old times.

She devours two of her dessert brownies on the way, then she unpacks the third and last one while waiting for the elevator.

William sees it, and he stretches a hand to Kara, silently offering to throw the brownie package into the nearest bin.

\- Thanks - she mindlessly mumbles.

He clears his throat.

\- Are you alright?

\- Yeah, I'm good.

But William's face makes it abundantly clear that he doesn't believe that. He seems to ponder something for a minute, but doesn't say anything. 

Then the elevator arrives and they walk inside with another four people, all of which get off on the third floor.

\- You've been awfully quiet since running into Lena - William blurts out. - I don't mean to intrude, I just… worry. You seemed very upset when you told me about her before.

Kara fidgets with her glasses, trying to avoid William's look.

\- We're talking again - she ventures.

\- And that's something you want?

He doesn't ask it in a suspicious tone or anything of the kind, and that's probably why Kara actually considers that question for the first time.

Everybody has asked her how happy she feels about Lena's return, but she's been so worried about Lex, and about getting over her grudge for Lena, thinking that maybe Lena only reached out because the world needs help and not because she misses her best friend…

\- I'm still a bit scared - Kara confesses, because William has this soft look, like he would never try to judge her. He also doesn't have the details of everything that happened between them, so Kara figures he is as impartial as possible.

\- Well, for what it's worth, I think she's not like her brother.

The elevator doors ding open and William promptly gestures for Kara to walk out. 

\- What do you mean? - she queries, as soon as they are both outside.

\- Well, last time you told me about her, we suspected she was helping Lex temper with the lenses - they stop walking a few steps from the newsroom entrance so that the conversation remains private. - But the next day, when I got shot, Lena helped Supergirl save me. She was the one who took me to the hospital too - he chuckles. - In fact, she was the one who told Supergirl I couldn't wait until the hospital because I was losing too much blood.

Obviously, Kara already knows that, but there is something about hearing it from someone else, as if this is the reminder she's been needing in order to allow herself to see Lena as the same woman she knew before.

\- I don't know if that makes any difference - says William -, but I figured you should know. Lena may have worked with Lex or not, but I don't think she wanted anyone to get hurt.

Kara chuckles faintly in response, ducking her head as she tries to process everything. 

\- Thanks for telling me that - she finally manages to whisper. 

He smiles in return.

\- You seemed so distressed when we talked about her all those weeks ago… And then today you were so thoughtful on our walk back… - he pauses, eyeing every inch of Kara's face, as if searching for something. - I could tell this was important to you.

Kara's heart misses a beat at that, but she still manages to nod.

\- It really is - she admits. - And it's good to have a fresh perspective about it - she adds, squeezing William's arm in gratitude. - Thank you.

He touches her hand, squeezes it back.

\- What friends are for.

Kara smiles at him, already turning on her heels to walk into the newsroom…

Then she remembers.

\- Hey, you know that interview? 

William frowns in confusion.

\- Which one?

Kara rushes out the answer.

\- At Luthor Corp. You think maybe I could do that?

William blinks in surprise a few times.

\- I thought you'd missed that editorial meeting - he stutters.

\- I did, had to take my neighbour's dog to the vet…

Kara awkwardly clears her throat, trying to control the discomfort that always comes from lying to the people she cares about. Since everything happened with Lena, she can’t help but feeling like every deceived friend is a ticking time bomb.

\- But Nia filled me in. It's just that I used to do Lena's interviews all the time and… - she hesitates, suddenly feeling like William knows way too much already. - It was kinda our thing. As friends, you know. We met for interviews and took it from there…

She trails off then, but William actually seems enlightened by the explanation.

\- Of course - he agrees with a tentative smile. - Sounds like a good chance to catch up with her in neutral territory.

Kara hadn't realized the knot inside her chest until that very moment, when it finally loosened.

\- Yeah! - she breathes out happily. - That's exactly what I thought.

***

\- Hold on a sec - Alex sets her wine glass on the coffee table before looking at Kara again. - How did this happen? Have you forgiven Lena?

Kara plops down onto her couch cushions, letting out a tired sigh. After lunch break, she’d spent the rest of her day working on some stupid quiz that Andrea demanded to have published by the end of the week, so she didn’t really take the time to think about anything else.

Then she came home to meet Alex, as tonight was supposed to be about some big news that her sister has, but here they are, talking about Kara's life.

\- I don't know - she sighs out, sipping her wine. - But I guess I want to, you know? To think that she doesn't care… - Kara gulps. - That hurts way more.

\- Ok, makes sense. But why an interview? Why not coffee at Noonan's or those brunches you two loved so much?

Kara doesn't have a solid answer for that. Mostly, the interview had been the first idea that came to her. Although she did feel bothered by the idea of another CatCo reporter interviewing Lena. What if they didn't do her justice? What if they didn't focus on the right questions?

Rao, what if Lena gave them one of those big scoops she usually only gave to Kara?!

\- It feels more like neutral territory - she answers instead, grateful for William's early comment. - You know, if things go south, we'll still have the work excuse.

But Alex is not convinced.

\- You really think so? I mean, I get the work excuse… but that's where you guys first met, right? Most of your friendship with Lena was built inside that room, especially during long interviews.

She's right, but Kara can't busy herself with that thought right now, so she merely shrugs.

\- I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Alex narrows her eyes the same way she does when she is trying to see a suspect's ulterior motivations, and Kara fidgets with her glasses, suddenly shy.

\- I’m sure you guys will work it out - Alex finally says.

Kara nods in response, taking a large gulp of her wine.

\- I'm so sorry for just dropping this on you - she starts again. - I’m just…a bit unsure, I guess. But, hey, you said you wanted to tell me something, right? Is everything ok?

Alex drinks greedily from her own glass before she answers:

\- I got a job offer.

\- Alex! - Kara sits up straight, beaming at her sister. - That's awesome!

But Alex is rubbing the back of her neck and looking down, like she does whenever something is bothering her.

\- Oh, wait. Why are you so tense? - Kara asks, touching her sister’s arm to offer some comfort.

Alex takes a breath before sputtering:

\- Dr King invited me to work with his team at the clinic. He made the offer on sunday, then we met yesterday… and this afternoon he emailed me a very generous proposal.

\- Ok... - Kara nods, still a bit confused.

\- Part of me wants to take the offer - Alex goes on. - But I just feel like it would mean working less with you and leaving you more exposed to Lex somehow…

\- Alex…

\- Not to mention that I’d be shutting the door at the DEO - she rushes out, like she’ll lose her nerve if she stops. - And I already worry so much that you’re the only one of us left there…

\- Ok, Alex, slow down.

Alex halts abruptly, looking at Kara with an anguished expression.

\- What I’m trying to say - she tries again - is that this would be the first time my job would do nothing to help you. 

Kara nods again.

\- Ok. But I don’t see what’s the problem there.

Alex chuckles nervously, running a hand through her hair.

\- When I quit the DEO, I told you we would take Lex down together - she remarks. - And I don’t want to walk away from that…

\- I never thought you would - Kara cuts in. - I mean, you even got yourself a vigilante suit for that, right?

\- But I can’t be a vigilante for a living - Alex's shoulders hunch. - Working as a PI with J’onn pays the bills, but I was planning on saving some money to buy a bigger apartment when I finally finish my adoption portfolio or something, so…

Kara smiles fondly at her.

\- Then take the job! Alex, you love science. Even as Director of the DEO, you always found a way to have your own time at the labs - she can see a half smile forming on Alex’s lips, her cheeks blushing. The sight makes Kara speak more softly: - Why are you apologizing for wanting the job?

She watches as Alex ducks her head and sniffles. When their eyes meet again, Alex is visibly holding back tears.

\- Even before you arrived on Earth, I had a hard time getting used to high school. During freshman year, I hated most of the science classes, because I just didn’t think they were applicable to real life. Dad would tease me about it and tell me to study harder than everyone else, because he said every bright mind ever had the same complaints about school.

Kara’s stomach sinks as she listens, the dull weight of guilt for Jeremiah’s disappearance tugging on her chest again.

\- He’s the reason I ever got interested in labs and stuff - Alex continues. - And he used to say that we would work together at some point, you know? When he disappeared, I had a hard time picking the pace again, but I still loved labs, and I knew we needed someone else who could understand your biology, in case Mom wasn’t around at some point so…

\- You joined Med school - Kara murmurs.

\- Yes - Alex sighs out. - But it made me feel miserable and powerless, like the only reason I was doing that was to make my parents proud… Then J’onn recruited me and everything came together. I could be an agent  _ and _ a scientist. I actually had a chance to learn a lot more about you from the DEO’s database, and I even helped you in the field after you became Supergirl.

She takes a long, thoughtful pause.

\- I was so honored when Mom worked with me to cure the Medusa virus - Alex looks at Kara again, her face filled with some kind of calm sadness. - But when Dr King took me on that tour and showed me all those amazing labs… All I could think was that Dad would never work there with me, or anywhere.

Her voice falters at the last bit, because the tears are escaping now, and Kara has to swallow down her own sobbs.

\- It feels like leaving him behind - Alex chokes out. - Everything only happened because he worked for the DEO, to keep both of us safe, and giving up on the DEO completely feels like spitting on his face.

Alex is holding Kara’s hand tightly now, her eyes fogged with tears. It takes almost all of Kara’s self control to clear her throat and say in a steady voice:

\- Alex, he’d be so proud of you. Just like we all are.

Kara remembers all the years spent in hiding, forcing herself to act human, think human, be human. She remembers how it felt like a huge betrayal to her parents’ plans. They had sent her to Earth because of her powers, after all, so hiding them felt like denying their last wish and all the values her family stood for.

But most of all, it felt like cutting their last bond, like letting go.

So Kara understands why everything is weighting so much on Alex right now. Even after becoming Supergirl, she’s still not in complete peace with the matter. She oftenly wonders if she’s done enough or if her parents really stood for the things she thought they stood for when she was a child. And she believes in small acts of great heroism, she does. But they don’t seem enough to give meaning to  _ her _ survival. Hundreds of thousands of people died that day, and Kara owes them to do as much good as she can with the time she’s got.

But Alex doesn’t need to carry that same guilt, she thinks. Because Alex is not responsible for Jeremiah joining the DEO, or even for his abrupt death.

That was all Kara.

Kara, who promised she’d find their father, but simply stopped looking; Kara, who, all those years ago, insisted on using her powers to try and win Alex over, but ended up sending Jeremiah away for good.

She understands Alex’s pain and pressure, she does. She just believes it should be placed on her own shoulders instead.

But Alex would never accept that argument, so she tries a different approach:

\- I don’t even worry that you’ll leave me - Kara calmly says, wiping the tears away from her sister’s cheeks with her thumbs. - You couldn’t even if you tried, Alex. Besides, we all need to have a life! When I need your help, I’ll call, and I trust that you’ll always show up, just like I’ll always show up for you. And the DEO is not Jeremiah’s legacy - she cradles Alex’s face with all the tenderness she can muster. -  _ You _ are. Jeremiah was much more than a great scientist or a great agent. He was a great man. Kind and compassionate, and he devoted his life to the things he believed in, just like you have.

They stare at each other for a moment, then Alex leans closer and wraps her arms around Kara’s waist, burying her face in Kara’s shoulder.

Kara hugs her back, forces down the lump inside her throat. She rubs Alex’s back until her sister pulls away a little, wiping her face with her hands.

\- I didn’t think things would get so intense - Alex admits in a small, embarrassed voice.

\- I’m so proud of you - Kara blurts out, smiling at her.

Alex frowns.

\- For what?

Kara shrugs.

\- I’m just proud of how far you’ve come and how you are capable of opening up some more - she feels her own face warming up as she murmurs: - And thanks for talking to me about it. I know it’s a hard topic for you.

\- I didn’t want you to worry too much - says Alex. - But when I saw that email earlier… - she almost smiles as she finishes: - I knew there was no one else I’d rather discuss this with.

Kara’s heart flutters with joy and warmth. Before she knows, she’s smiling at Alex again.

\- Come here - she demands, stretching an arm so Alex can cuddle to her side. - I’ll let you choose an action movie for tonight, ok? But no zombies!

Alex snorts.

\- Resident Evil is not terror - she remarks. - It’s not even scary.

\- But zombies are - Kara counters, already grabbing the remote. - And you know I hate scary movies.

Alex just rolls her eyes before accepting the remote from her. 

\- You’re such a whiner…

\- Says the big sister cuddling my side.

They bant around while Alex chooses a movie, then there are gunshot sounds, hushed comments and a lot of wine for the rest of the night.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the fake science really starts, so please keep in mind that I'm no expert in physics, programming or anything alike.
> 
> Hope you enjoy even so!

_ “I look at you and see a friend _

_ I hope that's what you want to be _

_ Are we back now where _

_ It all began? _

_ Have you finally forgiven me?” _

_ Sway, by The Perishers _

* * *

They're sitting by Nia's desk, drinking some coffee while Kara reads the third science article on limbs prosthetics that morning. She's done an awful lot of research in the past two days, hoping to be as well prepared as possible for her interview with Lena (which is only a few hours away).

Beside her, Nia is choosing which pictures she'll use on her next article, but Kara can hear her friend’s accelerated heartbeat and the curses she murmurs under her breath, visibly struggling to focus on her job.

\- Are you alright? - Kara finally asks.

\- Sorry - Nia sighs out. - It's just… - she hesitates, frowning, then says: - Brainy is being discharged today.

Kara can't hide her surprise at that; since Brainy explained his exact involvement with Lex, Nia has avoided discussing the topic. Kara tried asking her in various ways, but the reaction is always the same: a short answer and a very unconvincing shrug.

But now Nia started it, so maybe she is ready to talk.

\- I know you haven’t visited him much - Kara tries -, but… he’s a lot better now. Maybe you guys could actually talk. If that's what you want, of course.

Nia crosses her arms, grits her teeth. 

\- I’m glad that Brainy is safe now, and that he’s healing, but he just feels like a complete stranger. Sure, he says he pushed us away so Lex wouldn’t hurt us, and I wanna believe that, but I just… - she sounds like she’s trying really hard to make sense of her own thoughts. - I can’t _believe_ he sided with Lex in the first place!

Rao, does Kara relate to that feeling.

Nia goes on:

\- I keep asking myself: did I ruin Brainy when I told him to take off the inhibitors? Or did I just never really know him at all?

Kara chuckles faintly at that.

\- I know exactly what you mean - she murmurs. - I’m terrified that, when I talk to Lena today, I’ll find this complete stranger in front of me. She says she’s forgiven me, but… I don’t know.

She briefly remembers Alex's look last night, when she said Kara was focusing way too much on the research for the interview when her biggest fear was clearly to stay alone with Lena without either of them saying hurtful things to the other.

\- Well, at least we know Lena is reliable for business - Nia comments bitterly. - You have worked together before, right? You told me Supergirl and Lena were in a bad place last year, when the whole White House thing went down. Even though she had no obligation to, Lena still offered to help you prove your innocence. And she did turn her back on Lex when things got tough and helped us stop him. 

Kara frowns.

\- Brainy was willing to die if it meant saving us - she points out.

\- I know - Nia sighs. - I‘m just so upset, so... _hurt_. You have any idea how much it hurts to know that someone you love has resumed your feelings to a matter of survival probabilities? And I know Brainy deals with everything based on simulations… but _I_ _don’t_ \- Nia shakes her head in frustration. - I’ve tried _so hard_ to understand him only so he could hide from me at the first chance?! ‘Cause that’s the thing with Brainy, you know. He never even gave me the _choice_ of joining him! And what: he expects me to forget all about it just because he means well?!

It suddenly occurs to Kara that she shouldn’t identify so much with Brainy’s situation, but she pushes that thought back and tries to offer Nia some comfort.

\- Have you told him all of this?

Nia just shakes her head in response.

\- I know I have to - she murmurs. - I’m just not ready yet.

Kara gives her an understanding smile as she rubs Nia’s arm soothingly.

\- Your article is great and all these pictures look awesome - she offers. - Maybe you can take the rest of the day for yourself.

Nia offers her a grateful smile.

\- Maybe - she narrows her eyes at Kara. - How are you, though? Today is your interview with Lena, right?

Kara nods and smiles, trying too hard to seem casual about it.

\- How did you do it? - Nia asks in a whisper.

\- How did I do what?

\- How did you find it in you to trust Lena again? I mean, you were so hurt when she helped us with Leviathan… and now you want to be friends again?

Kara gulps.

\- You think this is a bad idea? - she forces herself to ask.

Nia shakes her head, seemingly surprised by the question.

\- No, not at all. You were so sad when you guys were fighting… - she ducks her head a little. - I just wish I could do the same with Brainy.

Kara does have an explanation for that, she's just not ready to voice it yet.

The truth is that, for some inexplicable reason, trusting Lena is still her first instinct. Sure, she's been wary and suspicious, but now it's been weeks since Lena came back and she has done nothing but help Supergirl and her friends.

At some point, distrusting and avoiding Lena became a conscient and exhausting decision. It was easy when Kara was alone with her thoughts, but then she'd see Lena checking on Brainy's treatment or installing some new software at the Tower and her first pull would be to thank Lena for helping and ask if she'd like to grab some brunch.

It became even harder once she realized that Lena wouldn't make any move towards mending their friendship. And that thought still scares Kara the worst.

Even if they will never be friends again, Kara is convinced that they need to try. She could heal from finding out that Lena and her were no longer compatible, but she couldn't stand the thought of them avoiding each other, pretending neither of them cares about their friendship.

\- I have no idea what to expect from today - Kara sighs out. - At first, I thought we could just talk about the easy stuff, but I don't even know if I'm allowed to. And it's not the right time or the right place to have some big serious talk so…

When she risks looking at Nia again, her friend is frowning.

\- You asked William for the article then fought Andrea about it - she remarks. - I think it's pretty obvious that you want to talk to her, Kara.

Kara laughs weakly, feeling simply despaired. 

\- I'm so ridiculously weak - she grumbles, rolling her eyes.

Nia smiles at her.

\- I don't think so - she says. - We are all afraid of getting hurt, so maybe the easy choice is to keep our distance and pretend like we don't care - her face is suddenly serious as she adds: - I know that's easier for me at least.

The last bit makes Kara feel bad for trying to drop her problems on Nia, who already has so much to deal with. Either way, she takes Nia’s hand in hers and squeezes gently.

\- We’re gonna find a way out of this mess - she promises, mostly because she feels like they both need to hear that.

Nia squeezes her hand back, nodding, and they spend the next ten minutes or so in friendly silence. 

***

When they met at Noonan’s two days ago, Kara seemed truly dedicated to talking to Lena, like she actually wanted to mend things.

But that doesn’t mean that Lena isn’t still skeptical, waiting for the fatidical moment when Kara will give up for good. After all, when their roles were reversed, she turned her back on Kara and never looked back.

Only in Lena’s case, turning her back on Kara meant helping an egomaniac super villain, so eventually she was forced to swallow her stupid pride and beg for another chance.

She’s sitting behind her desk now, telling herself that it’s not a good idea to have some liquid courage before Kara arrives, because she wants to do things the right way.

The nervousness reminds Lena of why she’s always been so terrified of letting anyone in: she knows she’s a taker. She always has been.

And maybe, if she weren’t so draining to be around, people wouldn’t always leave her or betray her, but it just seems like her life mission is to try hard enough until someone finally chooses to stay.

Sure, she’d believed for a couple of years that Kara was that someone, that she was the one creature with enough patience and enough faith to actually stand by Lena’s side through all the hardships, but Lena herself made sure that didn’t happen.

And she’d been trying to make her peace with it, really. It hurt to believe that Kara wanted nothing to do with her, but it made sense after everything that happened. Now, to think that Kara cares enough not just to forgive her, but to actually fix their friendship?

Lena knows she doesn’t deserve the effort, she’s entirely aware of it, but she also worries that, if Kara and her try to reconnect, they’ll only hurt themselves deeper when they find out they're just not as compatible as they once thought.

For her part, Lena still has a hard time trying to reconcile her goofy best friend with an unbreakable superhero. She has trouble telling herself that the Kara who used to make her feel so comfortable in her own skin is the same Supergirl who berated her about kryptonite  _ and _ harun el. 

The same person who asked James to break into her lab.

The same person who kept her identity in secret from Lena for years, no matter how many times they worked together or saved each other’s lives.

During the first months after Lex told her, thinking about Kara's secret almost drove her crazy. Lena blamed herself for not seeing all the evident signs, for blindly believing in everything Kara had ever told her.

It made her feel weak and stupid to the point where she planned to hurt Kara back by using non nocere as proof that she didn’t need their friendship at all, that she could be brave and good on her own, that she didn't need Kara's (or anyone else's, really) help in order to leave a good legacy in this world.

And Lena felt tempted to partner with Kara after Crisis, as she finally understood that she still needed someone around. But Supergirl still seemed like a constant mockery, a walking reminder of the lies and the betrayal, and Lena wasn’t ready to get over those things just yet.

Only when she became the one with a terrible choice to explain, she finally could see the difference between herself and Kara: Kara made her mistakes out of fear, yes, but she took no pleasure in hurting Lena; Lena made her mistakes out of fear as well, but she also did it  _ because _ she was trying to hurt Kara.

She had actively planned on hurting her so-called best friend in various ways, hoping it'd give her some much needed sense of control over her own life, or at least give her the satisfaction of knowing she hadn’t been the only one who cared.

Instead, hurting Kara felt wrong in every possible way. It reminded Lena of everything she had always been afraid of becoming. And even in the haze of her resentment, Lena could still see that Kara deserved better than that, better than her.

Kara deserves someone who could keep their darkness at bay even when they get hurt. Someone who could offer her some compassion instead of just taking it all for themselves.

Jess’s voice comes from the intercom:

\- Ms Luthor, Kara Danvers has just arrived. May I send her in?

Lena whispers a curse word to herself as she checks the time on her computer screen. To her defense, Kara arrived five minutes earlier than scheduled.

\- Please, send her in, Jess.

Between the moment when Jess hangs up and the exact moment when Kara knocks on her door, Lena counts twelve seconds. She keeps her eyes closed as she counts, trying to focus only on her breathing. It’s a new exercise that she learned after days and days reading all kinds of scientific articles about anxiety coping techniques and habits of self care in general.

But the knock comes either way, and Lena gets to her feet as she answers:

\- Come in.

Kara walks inside slowly, like she’s afraid of touching anything that’s not strictly necessary. When she closes the door, Lena catches a glimpse of a white paper bag in her hand and her heart misses a beat: Kara brought lunch.

Just like she said she would.

\- Hey - the reporter greets, smiling as she walks towards the chairs across the table from Lena.

Her features give away that she’s also nervous and uncertain. Her walking is weirdly restrained now, as if she doesn’t know how to move closer, as if she is afraid of stepping on a hidden mine at any second.

\- It’s good to see you - Lena replies, because it doesn’t matter if her heart aches at the sight of Kara feeling so out of place next to her; seeing Kara in an amicable way is still a joyful event.

Kara holds up the paper bag.

\- I wasn’t sure what you’d want, so I thought… comfort food?

Lena smiles without even trying to when she sees the Big Belly Burger logo on the bag.

\- God, I need that - she sighs out and Kara smiles brightly this time.

\- You wanna eat first? Or…

\- Whatever you prefer.

Kara bites her bottom lip, looking from Lena’s desk to the coffee table across the room, and she doesn’t need to voice her thoughts for Lena to understand.

There was a time when Kara walked in and they immediately headed to the couch, accommodating their belongings on the coffee table. Even for interviews, it just felt weird to have a work desk on the way when they were already close friends. Other times, when Lena had to finish working on something, Kara waited for her on the couch, telling her to stop overworking herself and come eat “before I can’t help myself and eat your lunch too!”.

But they have no idea if that’s even appropriate right now. They’re standing a few meters from each other and the nervous energy is already suffocating Lena. 

\- Actually, Kara, do you mind if we have the interview first?

\- Sure! Work first!

Kara takes a seat and drops the takeout bag on the chair beside hers, then fumbles in her purse until she finds her tape recorder.

\- You mind? - she asks, pointing to the device.

The gesture actually helps Lena ground herself. 

She can do an interview. She is a fine businesswoman and she’ll be way more comfortable if this moment can be all about business.

So she gives her consent to the recording and shifts on her seat, taking her laid-back-but-still-powerful posture.

\- Ok - Kara starts, looking up from her notepad. When she speaks again, her tone is different, adopting what Lena used to think of as Kara’s reporter voice. - Luthor Corp has recently announced these brand new limb prosthetics which should be finally available to the public at next month’s Convention of Medical Sciences, here in National City. Are you excited for the launch?

\- Of course. I’m very proud of our new product. 

\- Can you tell us what exactly makes the new prosthetics so special?

\- Sensibility - she promptly informs. - We were able to connect the artificial limb to the user’s brain; more specifically, to the brain region responsible for tactile sensations, so the user can actually feel, for example, temperature variations, applied pressure and even light touches.

Kara’s eyes widen with wonder at the explanation, but her voice comes out a bit mechanical, much different to the excited reactions she used to have when Lena answered anything.

But she’s just some reporter right now, so Lena refuses to feel sad about it.

\- That’s incredible! - Kara goes on. She looks thoughtful for a second, the crinkle between her eyebrows forming immediately. - It reminds me a bit of the VR lenses…

Lena nods firmly.

\- That’s correct. Thanks to our partnership with Obsidian North, we were able to adjust their technology and apply it to this project. There are already some other designs on the market who can provide the feeling of tact to the user, but ours has proved to be the most precise.

\- There have been some rumours about the prices, though…

\- Yes, and I can’t say they are all that wrong. Unfortunately, we couldn’t find a way to make the prosthetics cheaper right away, but we are still researching it. Some of my best engineers and designers are working to find new materials that we can use to make the final product more accessible.

\- Oh, that’s good news! - Kara checks her notes before the next question. - Did you work on the development phase? I mean, you have made quite a name for yourself researching rare diseases and other health problems.

\- Well, as CEO, I don’t get to work as closely to some projects as I wish, so no, I didn’t take part in the development phase. I did call R&D every few weeks to catch up though. 

This time, Kara offers her a small smile. It’s so genuine it sends a surge of confidence through Lena’s veins.

\- Looking over the company's latest projects, Luthor Corp has invested considerably in medical research since you took over as CEO two years ago. Is it a particular interest of yours?

\- Yes. I do feel like we could contribute a lot to the matter. Some researches are simply too expansive, so large companies need to take the risk and move them forward.

\- Well, even before the DEO’s bankruptcy, Luthor Corp had already partnered with the U.S Military a few times and the company has invested a lot in areas of conflict too. Kaznia last year was the greatest example. So, are these the new priorities of the company: weaponry and healthcare?

Lena frowns a bit. Part of her is immediately defensive, wondering if Kara is prying something, maybe testing Lena’s intentions…

\- A multinational tech company is allowed to have many interests, Ms Danvers, but Luthor Corp is not invested in making weapons. Yes, the DEO is one of our subsidiaries, and the budget for military and defense research in general has increased since we bought it, but those are mostly independent projects. The DEO has complete autonomy to run its research and projects, as any official agency of national security should, but that doesn’t mean Luthor Corp’s is focused on the same projects. Personally, I don’t think the world needs any more weapons in it.

Kara’s smile at her answer is so soft Lena feels her heart racing with promise.

\- One last thing - Kara straightens her back, like she’s preparing for some big moment. - What do you hope the new prosthetics will bring? What great contribution are you hoping they’ll make?

Lena purses her lips, hesitating. She knows what she hopes the new products will bring to their users, but it sounds a little silly to be said out loud.

Kara probably notices her hesitation, because she offers Lena an encouraging nod, breaking Lena's barriers right then and there.

\- I just really hope it’ll help people feel more connected to themselves and to their loved ones. I’m hoping that parents will be able to feel their kids’ skin under their hands and hikers will feel the smoothness of the grass under their feet… that sort of thing.

She winces at the end, because Kara is looking at her with adoration and Lena can’t remember the last time she saw that look.

\- Sounds amazing - says Kara. - Thanks for the interview, Ms Luthor, and congratulations on your launch!

\- Thank you as well.

Without another word, Kara reaches for the tape recorder and stops it. She just looks at the device for a few seconds, moving her hand up and down, as if she’s testing the recorder’s weight, and Lena patiently waits, glad that things didn’t get too awkward.

\- That really is amazing, you know - Kara finally says, looking up at her again. - It’s a big scientific breakthrough and it’s definitely a promise of hope for a lot of people who need it. You have every reason to feel proud.

Lena smiles shyly in return.

\- Thank you - she mutters. - So, are you hungry now?

\- Rao,  _ yes _ ! Always.

As the two of them stand up and make their way to the coffee table, Lena clears her throat and tries to keep a casual, curious voice when she asks:

\- That’s a kryptonian deity, right?

Kara’s hand flies to fidget with her glasses.

\- Yeah! The sun god. You know, the one who brought light and life to the planet...

\- Sounds very… egyptian.

Kara chuckles, dropping the takeout bag upon the coffee table as she sits on an armchair beside the couch.

\- I guess most sentient beings are not as original about their traditions as we’d like to believe. 

For the first time, Lena can listen to Kara talking about her alien origin without feeling angry or upset in any way. In fact, she finds herself imagining that Kara must have so much knowledge to share about the universe. Did she use to visit other planets? How often? And what were, in her opinion, the greatest similarities between humans and kryptonians?

But Lena can’t formulate any of those questions just yet so she chooses to play smart.

\- Well, all races want to believe they’re special, right?

They have unpacked the food now (a cheeseburger combo for Lena and two double cheeseburger combos for Kara), and Lena is unwrapping her burger when Kara clears her throat and asks:

\- You want me to heat it up for you? You know, in case it’s gone cold.

Lena can tell Kara is unsure about the offer by the way she’s avoiding eye contact, so she looks for a casual response to make her feel better...

\- You can do that without cooking the bread? 

It comes out like a challenge, but it gets Kara to smile more freely now.

\- C’mon! Fifteen years of practice have taught me a lot.

\- Alright then - says Lena, offering the burger. - Go on.

Kara moves down her glasses and directs two thin rays of heat vision straight onto Lena’s sandwich.

When she stops, Lena can feel the comfortable warmth that comes from the burger and spreads into her palm. She examines it from various angles, looking for any sign of burnt bread or overcooked meat…

\- Will you just look at it? - Kara teases, as she unwraps her own food. - Try it!

So Lena does. And it tastes like good memories and a ridiculous amount of hope.

She is still humming in pleasure from the first warm, greasy bite when a loud alarm goes off on her computer.

She jumps to her feet, rushes back to her desk right in time to see one of her many protective programs warning about an attempted hack in.

\- What’s wrong? - Kara is striding to the desk as well, her mouth already full with the first bites from her own burger. 

Lena doesn’t look at her as she responds:

\- We’re being hacked.

She’s typing at full speed, trying to assess the damage when…

\- Ms Luthor!

Lena snaps her head up at the sound of Jess’s voice, her heart beating frantically in concern.

\- Every computer in the building is under attack right now - Jess pants. - Someone called from IT to say that they’re working on it, but they think the actual target is…

\- The mainframe! - Lena fills in, already stepping away from the desk. - I’ll go to the server’s room. You call IT and tell them to stop this!

She’s striding to the door when Kara sputters:

\- Should I go with you?

Lena is too startled to really consider her answer so…

\- You can if you want to.

Before she knows it, they are both inside the elevator, heading down to the server’s room.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again: fake science alert!
> 
> PS: Thanks everyone for the support! Your comments and feedbacks are always welcomed!

_ “Crosses all over, heavy on your shoulders _

_ The sirens inside you waiting to step forward _

_ Disturbing silence darkens you sight _

_ We'll cast some light and you'll be alright _

_ We'll cast some light and you'll be alright for now” _

_ Crosses, by José González _

* * *

Kara is feeling sick. She tries to keep herself calm and grounded, tries to focus on anything other than the thick walls of nth metal surrounding her, but her hearing keeps focusing on Lena’s accelerated heartbeat or on Lena’s relentless typing, and both these things remind her that they are currently trapped inside the Luthor Corp mainframe’s room.

She is not sure of how long it’s been since the lights flickered and a distant noise echoed through the walls, like the sound of a very powerful machine being turned off.

According to Lena’s brief explanation, the mainframe had activated its defensive resource and shut down the entire company network, which mostly meant that all the biometric scanners, elevators, vaults and everything that could be considered strategic during an attempt of industrial espionage either has been sealed or is working at minimum capacity.

On top of it all, as part of the defense protocol, the building has been set on lockdown and the mainframe room, naturally, is completely sealed until the company’s programmers can stop the hack.

Lena is still working, sitting in front of the large computer, right in the middle of the room, as determined as ever, like she doesn't mind staying locked inside a square metal box for the rest of eternity.

Kara, however, has retreated to a far corner of the room and all she has been able to remember for several minutes is that they are underground (many floors underground, in fact), which makes her pull on her own collar, trying to get more space for herself.

It also doesn’t help that everytime she glances at Lena she sees the Fortress’s mainframe instead of Luthor Corp’s. Sometimes, when Lena moves, Kara is sure she’s grabbing her transmatter watch to escape the scene and leave her alone to die in this stupidly small and hidden room.

When they first arrived here, she’d been content to stand back and watch as Lena worked and talked to her IT team on the intercom next to the keyboard, but the perspective of staying locked inside the mainframe room, alone with Lena, for Rao knows how long, brings to surface the terrible memory of Lena trapping her inside the Fortress with kryptonite, and Kara can’t stop the nausea that accompanies that thought.

\- Fuck!

She dares opening her eyes and glances at Lena, who is staring at the computer screen in disbelief.

\- Fuck’s sake! - Lena says again, pushing her keyboard to the side like it has offended her.

\- Any news? - Kara tries, mostly to distract herself from the silence.

The only thing worse than getting stuck in a closed space, she thinks, is to get stuck in a completely  _ silent  _ closed space. Even after all these years, she still finds the quiet to be the worst part.

Lena throws her a look of shock, like she had forgotten all about Kara’s presence.

\- Our first attempt failed - she informs. 

Her voice is low and breathy, much like when Kara caught her about to escape the Fortress with Myriad.

Kara blinks away the memory and forces herself to keep a calm tone. She clearly can’t help Lena right now, but she can do her best to not make things worse. Like it or not, they’re together in this.

\- Now what?

\- This had to be very thoroughly planned - Lena growls, her eyes focusing on the computer screen again. - It’s like the virus knows how our systems will react!

\- But the mainframe is still safe? 

\- And thank God for that - she sighs out. - There are countless projects and patents, not to mention the secret designs and researches that can only be accessed through the mainframe…

\- But you’ll stop it - Kara cuts in.

She feels unbalanced and weak now, her body sweating for apparently no reason. She leans back against the wall to keep herself from falling down, but the feel of the solid surface behind her back reminds her of being trapped inside some kind of kryptonite wall right before Lena left with Myriad. 

\- Your IT team is already on it and…

Lena shakes her head in a hopeless gesture.

\- I’m trying to reverse-engineer the virus, but it could take hours.

All of a sudden Kara can sense her body getting cold, like there’s no blood running inside her veins. Clearly, she shouldn’t be sweating anymore, but her back and her face are drenched.

Lena is still talking, but she can’t hear anything anymore. The only thing she can register now is how the walls are closing in and how the room is getting darker, and how her limbs feel heavy even though she’s still awake and desperate to move them.

She knows she’s on the verge of a panic attack, so she tries the breathing exercise Eliza told her during her first year with the Danvers. Even then, it feels like the air she’s inhaling can’t make its way to her lungs, and her vision is getting blurry now and her chest is tightening, like it’s trying to squeeze her heart until it turns to mush...

Kara blinks a few times. She sees the rubble from Krypton's explosion surrounding her pod, knocking it off course, making it bounce in a sickening rhythm. She wants to just take flight and rip through the pod's roof, but her body won't move.

She feels like she'll never be able to breathe properly again. 

Like she'll never leave this pod again.

\- Kara! Kara, what’s wrong?

All of a sudden, the world comes to perspective again and Lena’s face is in front of her, staring at her with wide eyes, filled with worry.

\- You’re paling - says Lena.

She reaches a hand tentatively, waiting for Kara to warn her if the touch is not welcome, but Kara can’t really think about it right now. 

Lena’s hand touches her arm lightly.

\- Hey, it’s me. What do you need?

Kara can hear how her own breaths are shallow and laboured now, can feel how she’s holding herself against the wall like it’s the only lifeline available.

She tries to focus on Lena, but her skin prickles at the memory of the kryptonite, and she stumbles away, suddenly terrified of falling into another trap.

\- Please, don’t leave me here! - Kara whines, because she knows what comes next.

She knows Lena is about to use the Fortress’s defenses against her and run away, and she knows this is just a different version of an old scene. Her eyes shut as she remembers hugging her mother before climbing inside the pod. 

She can hear her own childish voice then, firm and devoted, completely oblivious to the fact that she will never be home again: “I’m not afraid, father”.

But Rao, she’s terrified.

\- Kara! Kara, open your eyes.

There are two warm hands holding Kara’s own between them and she focuses on that point of contact, the only steady thing in the chaos.

\- You’re not alone now and no one is leaving you, ok? Just breathe, come on. 

Kara is vaguely aware of the nervous and worried voice calling her name; it sounds distinctly safe and welcoming, so she allows herself to focus on it, letting it bring her back to reality.

After an indefinite amount of time, Kara realizes she’s sitting on the floor, and the voice sounds clearer when it speaks again.

\- I’m not leaving, ok? Can you breathe with me?

She follows the sounds of the person's inhale and exhale until the world around her is finally motionless, then she opens her eyes tentatively.

There is a pale face staring back at her with wide green eyes that almost remind her of kryptonite.

Almost, because these eyes are nothing but attentive and concerned.

Kara's voice comes out raspy and strangled. 

\- Lena.

She takes in Lena's presence, the way her shoulders relax as soon as Kara speaks. Maybe this  _ is a dream _ , she ponders. Maybe she’s having one of those vivid dreams where Lena comes back to return Myriad and apologize before Alex and Brainy need to worry about Kara’s delayed return.

\- I’m not leaving again - Lena murmurs, as if she could read Kara’s mind. - I’m here with you and we’re getting out as soon as possible, ok?

Kara returns her look. She feels weak and vulnerable, not to mention embarrassed for having such an episode while alone with Lena of all people, but at least everything is the good kind of quiet now. There are no explosions, no worlds ending, no being forever stuck in the Phantom Zone.

She can see Lena gulping hard before whispering:

\- You think you can trust me on this?

It’s much more a plea than an actual question, and Kara can see Lena’s cheeks blushing as she says the words, her eyes downcast as she frowns, clearly trying to find a way out of this.

Maybe it’ll always be weird between them, Kara thinks. But weird doesn’t have to mean dangerous or unreliable.

This is the same Lena who fought Mercy Graves on her own to protect Kara, after all. The same Lena who built her an anti-kryptonite suit in less than a day and accompanied her when she rescued William.

Kara nods in response, forcing herself to sit straighter against the wall, and Lena lets out a breath, her features relaxing as she understands what Kara has chosen.

\- Tell me what I can do - she says.

Her voice is so soft, so gentle it makes Kara’s throat close up abruptly. She’s missed the feeling of Lena caring about her. She’s missed feeling like someone who’s worthy of Lena’s care in the first place.

Somehow, she manages to say:

\- Can you talk to me? I hate the silence.

Lena sits down on the floor as well, looking confused at Kara’s request. 

\- I feel better - Kara adds, sheepishly. - It’s just… easier for me to spiral when there is too much silence.

Lena agrees with a slow nod, her eyebrows knitted together in concentration.

\- I don’t really know what to talk about - she admits after a few seconds. - Tell me if this is too much, ok?

She waits for Kara’s confused nod before taking a deep breath and starting:

\- I used to have panic attacks after Lex left for college.

Her voice is quiet and timid now, her eyes are looking down, but Kara can see what the mention of her brother means: Lena is offering her proof of reliability. By talking about her own past, she makes herself a little more exposed, which could be enough to make Kara feel less vulnerable right now.

Most importantly, though, it’s the first time since finding out Kara’s identity that Lena points out some of the same similarities that Kara has always seen in their pasts - and never talked about in detail, as she’d had to hide half of her life back then.

\- Our father was still alive, but he was never home, and I had grown used to hiding with Lex for most of the day. I’d go to all of our secret places, but it just felt so alone and senseless without him… The first episode was when Lilian found me in the tree house and forced me to come down. Then there was another at the school’s Christmas recital, when I peaked from the backstage and Lex wasn’t there in the audience, like he’d said he would be.

Their eyes meet for the first time in a while and all those similarities from their pasts come rushing back into Kara’s mind. All of a sudden, Lena looks and feels familiar again.

Maybe things don’t have to be weird forever, after all.

\- I’m sorry - Kara offers, squeezing Lena’s hand to show some comfort. - How did you get over it?

Lena shrugs.

\- I read pretty much anything and everything I could find. I read all the fiction books that Lex left behind and stopped fighting Lilian when she insisted that I should learn my fourth foreign language.

Kara smiles without planning to.

\- So you overworked yourself?

Lena smiles back at her, a wide, bright smile that makes Kara’s skin tingle with a pleasant warmth.

\- It did help me realize just how much I enjoyed learning about things.

Kara is not sure what makes her speak next, but she takes the chance either way.

\- I’m not usually like this. When I first arrived on Earth, these episodes happened more often, but I got much better after some time - she studies Lena’s calm face, trying to decide if she should continue or not. - It’s not knowing how long this will take… - Kara winces at the mention of their current situation, but still manages to go on. - That’s what triggers me. I hate quiet closed spaces because they remind me of the Phantom Zone.

\- You’ve been there?

As Supergirl, Kara never revealed much about her journey to Earth. She has basically given the press a short version of it, talking about how her arrival had been delayed due to Krypton’s destruction while hiding any details about what she found off course.

\- For a while, when my pod was knocked off course - she admits. 

Lena seems intrigued, but she doesn’t push. It’s actually one of the things Kara has always loved about her: Lena never presses, never rushes her into sharing or saying anything.

Before either of them can speak again, the intercom next to the computer rings loudly, and Lena jumps to her feet. Caught off guard, Kara squeals and curls herself up, hands pressed against her ears, trying to abate the hearing discomfort caused by the loud sound.

Lena is immediately crouching in front of her again.

\- Kara!

\- I’m fine - she mumbles, forcing herself to sit up straight again. - It’s the super hearing... I got distracted and the ringing startled me.

The phone is still ringing, filling the room with its demanding tune, and Kara sees the question on Lena’s face as she looks from Kara to the computer and back to Kara.

\- Go. They need you - says Kara, because it’s true. 

Lena’s company, the one she devoted her life to in all realities, is under attack, no matter how cozy it feels to hide under a bubble of tenderness right now.

\- I’ll be right back - Lena decides. 

She looks intently at Kara before striding away and answering the phone.

***

Lena needs less than five minutes to dispatch instructions at her IT team and warn them that she can not take the lead at fighting the hack right now.

Once that’s done, she grabs two bottles of water from a cabinet and walks back to Kara’s side. She crouches in front of her, trying not to get too close in case Kara needs more space now.

\- Hey - she tries with her softest voice. - This is for you.

Kara, who’s been hugging her own legs and mouthing strange words that Lena can’t make out, lifts her face and accepts the bottle that’s offered to her. 

\- Thank you - she murmurs after gulping most of her water greedily. - How’s everything going?

It’s such a Kara thing to say, Lena thinks. She nearly fainted a number of times, while whining and gasping in unknown languages, but her first question is about Lena’s company.

\- They have slowed down the virus. We should defeat it soon enough.

Kara nods, then downs the rest of her water.

\- I’m fine. If you need to…

\- I’m not leaving you.

Lena’s voice is firm now, almost rude. She can see Kara’s surprise at the tone, but she can’t bring herself to apologize. Maybe it wasn’t clear before, but now she wants Kara to know that she means it. Even if she’s done terrible things, even she’s the very reason Kara is locked inside a stupid metal room to begin with…

She needs Kara to know that this is a promise, and that Lena means every word.

\- Thank you - Kara murmurs, fidgeting with her glasses.

But she doesn’t add anything and Lena is suddenly worried about the silence. She decides to prompt a new conversation, but she’s not sure what topic they could discuss.

\- So… - she starts either way. - What were you saying just now? 

Kara chuckles shyly at that, lets out a long breath.

\- It's a mantra - she pauses. - For Kryptonian meditation. 

\- Oh. You always do that?

\- Not really. I’m trying to do it more often, though. 

Part of Lena wants to ask more questions, desperate for the chance to learn more about Kara’s past. On the other hand, she doesn’t mean to prod too much on the topic if Kara is still not ready to discuss it with her (in almost five years of friendship, she’d never been ready for that, after all).

A smaller part of her argues that Kara spontaneously mentioned her time in the Phantom Zone and promptly answered Lena’s question about it, so maybe her silence is not at all about Lena, but rather about the topic itself.

Then, much to her surprise, Kara is talking again:

\- You know, when I had these claustrophobic episodes more often, Eliza’s breathing exercises helped me, but Alex was the one who really knew how to get my mind off of it.

And there it is. Another piece of Kara that’s been shared with Lena without request, out of simply… trust.

The thought makes her heart race, because Kara used to avoid talking about her parents and anything that had happened in her life before the Danvers. Even in the best days of their friendship, she didn’t usually ask for help or demonstrated much weakness. Other than work problems and minor issues involving Alex or Eliza, she never had much trauma to share with Lena. She was always giving hugs away yet, somehow, she never seemed to need them herself.

At first, Lena had assumed that Kara was just too private to talk about certain topics. But, once Lex told her the truth, it felt more like Kara just hadn’t cared enough to share.

Now, she simply feels eager to learn every tiny bit of Kara that she’s allowed to know about.

\- What did she do? - she asks.

\- She told me stories. She started with fairy tales, then with some of her favorite books, or famous children’s stories… That’s actually how I began my pop culture archive.

Lena smiles fondly as her imagination pictures younger versions of the Danvers sisters discussing some of Earth’s most popular tales.

Then she sees Kara’s expectant face and all but blurts out:

\- You want me to tell you a story?

Kara fixes her glasses, her eyes wide with surprise, but she nods either way.

\- It’s just… listening to something calm and steady helps me focus on the present - she murmurs apologetically.

Lena is immediately plagued with a million doubts about her fitness for the task, especially as she’s being compared to Alex, but...

\- There is this story my mother used to tell me… About a girl named Acrata, who saved her village from the darkness…

She tells the story in as many details as she remembers and Kara looks at her with attentive eyes, her expression softening as the minutes pass by and the story comes to a happy ending.

\- It’s a beautiful tale - says Kara.

Lena risks a small smile in response, her face blushing when Kara smiles back at her, and, at this moment, she has completely forgotten about the hack, the lockdown and the outside world in general. 

Just as Kara never talked about Krypton, Lena tried not to talk about her birth mother, convinced that it wasn’t worth the pain. Now, however, she feels a bit relieved for Kara’s easy reaction. It’s also the first time in a long time that she can think about Acrata without any suffocating grudge for what Andrea did years ago.

\- Just to be clear… - Kara starts after a while, scrunching up her nose. - Isn’t the nth metal room a bit much?

Lena chuckles weakly at the question.

\- Personally, I don’t think it’s necessary, but even in this new world everyone is still obsessed with corporate espionage - she explains. - Also, I’ve been looking at some old files and the company has been targeted by some intricate attacks and conspiracies before, so I guess the board has their reasons to be wary.

Kara looks perfectly fine with her answer, but the mention of the nth metal reminds Lena that the only reason Kara is trapped here in the first place is because Lena brought her to the mainframe room.

\- I’m sorry - she hears herself saying. - I shouldn’t have brought you here.

Kara looks back at her, undisturbed.

\- You didn’t know - she softly replies. - Besides, I asked you to bring me.

Lena chuckles, partly shy and partly wistful.

\- You’re always saving me - she murmurs before she can stop herself.

Kara stares back at her with bright, hopeful eyes and a discreet smile that is still infinitely more sincere than any others Lena has received from her in months. She shrugs before saying:

\- I promised I would always protect you.

Lena looks away, suddenly incapable of thinking of a proper reaction. Her heart clenches as she remembers the first time Kara said those words and how she knew, at that very moment, that she was… invested.

Sure, at the time Kara was still dating Mon El, and Lena had no reason to believe her feelings would ever be reciprocated, so she spent months telling herself not to act on them, not to ruin her friendship with this one great person who actually cared about her.

For the most part, it hadn't been so hard. Kara is admirable regardless of Lena's romantic feelings and Lena has always kept that in mind. Besides, both of them have had a busy life to say the least, so there had never been a proper time to look into this more closely. 

None of that stopped Lena from falling though. At first, she assumed she was just impressed by Kara's kindness and earnestness, but then she caught herself choosing to spend time and share her thoughts with Kara rather than with anyone else, even during the best months of her relationship with James.

And Lena may have denied her feelings for years, by forcing herself to repress them and calling them friendly concern, but all it has taken now is for Kara to repeat those words and she can feel it all over again: the tingling in her skin from knowing that Kara is looking at her; the throbbing of her heart from knowing that Kara probably means what she’s said, even if Lena is not worth it; the greediness that fills her heart and her mind when she wonders what would it be like to actually let herself hold on to Kara’s offer and never let her go again

It feels like her body is trying to remind her that she never really dealt with her feelings, not even after she realized they were the reason why Kara's betrayal hurt so much.

Because it was never about the apparent distrust exactly, but rather about Lena feeling small and stupid, blinded by her affection, and convinced that the Kara she felt so much for had only been a product of her hyperactive imagination.

Before she can verbalize any kind of response, however, there is a loud sound of engines turning on and a few electronic beeps, and she jumps to her feet, looking all around. 

Kara stands up too. She seems alert, but her body still looks weak and unbalanced.

\- We’re back online - Lena announces, her heart pounding as she sees the biometric scan of the mainframe room’s door coming back to life.

She has half a mind to go back to the mainframe and check if everything is safe again, but that’s not so important right now.

\- Come on! - she says, pulling Kara by the hand. - Let’s get you out of here.

Kara holds tightly onto her hand as they make their way across the main doors and get to the nearest staircase, and Lena holds Kara’s hand back with the same fervor, suddenly too focused on getting her to safety to think about any of her own resentments at all.


	11. Chapter 11

_ “Tell me what you want to hear _

_ Something that'll light those ears” _

_ Secrets, by OneRepublic _

* * *

When Alex arrives at the clinic in the late afternoon to pick Brainy up, J’onn is already waiting for her in the lobby, hands in his pockets as he casually looks around.

\- There you are - he greets, smiling softly at her. - All ready?

Alex can't bring herself to respond.

In a few minutes, while they finish checking everything for Brainy's discharge, she is supposed to tell Dr. King that she accepts his proposal. 

As usual, J’onn has been nothing but supportive about her choice, but Alex can’t help the unpleasant feeling of guilt weighting on her chest. After all, she remembers, Jeremiah may have left a long time ago, but J’onn has been retired for less than two years and he only felt comfortable enough to do it because he trusted Alex would take care of the DEO.

Although that last part never really worked out.

\- It's ok to be nervous - J'onn offers. - Or even afraid.

Alex nods.

\- It’s just been a lot to process, you know… leaving the DEO, understanding that maybe I’ll never go back to working there… - she gulps. - And it feels a lot more real now that I'm about to take a new job.

\- I know better than anyone what that feels like - he agrees, smiling down at her. 

Alex lets out a wistful sigh.

\- Sometimes I really wish I could handle things as calmly as you do.

Her comment makes J'onn laugh, and she chuckles softly in response.

\- C'mon - she insists. - You were arrested for saving my life from Supergirl during that Red K disaster. How did you manage to remain so calm even then? They took your job away, your freedom…

J’onn merely shrugs.

\- It wasn't easy. 

\- But you were so calm! So… certain.

\- So were you - he eyes her intently. - You didn't hesitate before deciding you would never work for Lex.

Alex barely stops herself from rolling her eyes at that, but J'onn still understands her reaction either way.

\- You didn't quit for selfish reasons, Alex - he says firmly. - You just refused to be a part of Lex's plans. There is honour in that.

\- In giving up? - she sputters, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

\- In choosing not to help the bad guy. 

Alex's face softens a little.

\- Thanks, J'onn - she hopes her voice can convey all the gratitude and all the feelings that she can't quite name.

J'onn is squeezing her shoulder to show support and all Alex thinks about is how she doesn't want to be ungrateful, how she wants to believe that starting at a laboratory job is not a betrayal to either Jonn's or Jeremiah's legacies.

She lets her arms fall loose beside her body and closes her eyes, taking a steading breath.

\- Let's just hope I still know my way inside a lab - she sighs out, already walking to the elevators.

J'onn walks beside her with a carefree smile.

\- You'll do great - he promises. - And I'm very proud of you for allowing yourself to have new dreams and to adjust to the new opportunities.

Alex feels her cheeks warming up at the compliment, but she still manages to return J'onn's smile and say:

\- Yeah, I had a wise mentor.

They chuckle at each other until the elevator doors ding open and they can walk inside and start the ride up.

\- Speaking of dreams - Alex starts -, Nia is not coming, but she said she'll meet us later at your place. 

\- Well, that’s progress - J’onn sighs out. - She stopped coming to see Brainy after he explained to us what really happened.

Alex nods sadly.

\- Can we blame her, though?

The elevator stops and the doors open once more.

\- Come on now - says J’onn, holding the door as Alex steps out into the corridor. - Let’s go get you a new job and bring Brainy home.

***

Naturally, the cyberattack to Luthor Corp is all over the news, so Lena and Jess spend most of the afternoon dealing with terrified employees plus the constant phone calls from investors and reporters, all trying to understand what happened.

By the time the work hours are over and the company is almost empty, Lena still hasn’t read the IT report on the attack, so she stays behind her desk and forces herself to go over dozens of pages of fairly detailed information.

Her heart beats painfully as she reads, spurred on by the fear of someone finding her non nocere documents. All the data from the research has been safely kept in Lean’s personal computer, separate from the company’s files, but there is quite a paper trail of the measures she adopted as Luthor Corp’s CEO once the experiment was cancelled.

There are numerous letters and memos exchanged between her office and the prison's administration, as Lena made sure that all her volunteers received the proper medical and psychological attention to deal with any disturbances or unpleasantries caused by the abrupt end of the experiment. 

Sure enough, many of the inmates have been showing signs of withdrawal or depression, so she's been receiving periodical updates on the matter, in order to follow the initiative closely.

Still, non nocere remains just as secret as it has always been. There has been no public statement about the trials, no prying reporters or lawyers asking around, so, if anyone were to reveal the experiment and its terrible consequences on the volunteers at this point, chances are that a huge scandal would form and Lena would lose whatever comfort she’s been able to find from her guilt and go back to feeling unworthy of existing.

God knows she still feels like that at least twice a day.

But thankfully, according to the IT team’s report, nothing was stolen or copied, and Lena allows herself to close her eyes and take some deep breaths, willing herself to stay calm again.

_ They’re alive. They’re safe. You’re doing everything you can. _

A knock on the office doors interrupts her thoughts.

\- Hey.

Lena can’t contain her surprise when she looks up to see Andrea standing tentatively at the entrance.

\- Hi - she sighs out.

\- I heard what happened earlier - says Andrea. - Can I come in?

Lena needs a few seconds to agree and point to the chairs across the desk from herself, because she is not used to having anyone coming over simply to check on her after a hard day. 

There was a time when Kara did that, but Lena can’t even remember when was her last visit of the kind.

\- How are you holding up? - Andrea asks, taking a seat.

\- I’m tired, but I’m fine. As far as we can tell, the hackers got nothing for themselves.

\- That’s good. 

They just look at each other for a second, until Andrea clears her throat and says: 

\- Well, I wanted to make sure you were ok and to say that, if there is any way I can help, then I’m here for you.

It’s a massive step towards mending their friendship, and the thought makes Lena’s heart feel lighter. She even manages to give Andrea a grateful small smile in response. 

\- That really means a lot. Thank you, Andrea.

Andrea nods, and her eyes turn soft then, much like they used to be during the best times of their friendship. 

Lena decides right then that she’s not ready to be alone with her demons just yet, so she risks making an offer:

\- Would you want a drink? 

A flash of surprise crosses Andrea’s face, but it’s quickly replaced by a gentle smile.

\- Sure. What do you have?

Lena arches an eyebrow smugly then walks to her liquid cabinet and pours a glass of Van Horne to each of them. When she walks back to her chair and hands Andrea her glass, there is a pleased twinkle in the other woman’s eyes.

\- I see you’ve kept the good taste - Andrea comments off-hand.

\- If I remember correctly, you only drink top-shelf.

They sip their drinks and settle on a comfort silence for a handful of seconds. 

Lena watches as Andrea looks around the room, her mind racing back to the first time Andrea visited her lab at Luthor Corp years ago, when she was first hired.

\- So I guess we’re finally living the day - Andrea murmurs, still taking in her surroundings. - We’re both controlling our families’ businesses now.

\- We are - Lena agrees.

Andrea finally looks at her again.

\- Do you like it here? I remember you almost gave up your position at Luthor Corp to focus entirely on that startup with Jack.

Even after all these years, this is still a bittersweet memory. Either way, Lena manages to smile at it, her heart filled with fondness for Jack.

\- I don’t regret my choices - she says before taking another sip of her scotch.

Andrea narrows her eyes at the answer.

\- That was not the question - she remarks, but Lena merely shrugs.

\- You know Lex and I have always had different views for the company.

\- That’s true. But then again you never needed Lex to help you make a name for yourself.

Lena’s face warms up at the praise, and she ducks her head in hopes it’ll hide her flushed cheeks. 

\- I believe I have finally learned that - she murmurs, looking into her own glass as she swirls her drink around. Then she adds quietly: - The last time I let Lex help me, I made some of the worst mistakes of my life.

\- You can’t blame yourself forever, Lena.

She looks up, surprised by Andrea’s firm tone.

\- It’s hard to move away from people’s approval, especially from the people who inspired you. No one can blame you for that.

Lena arches a suspicious eyebrow.

\- Are you saying Bernardo and you have opposing views as well?

Andrea sips her scotch, then breathes out:

\- Not all the time, but it happens. He’s still not over the Festival fiasco, for example, so I’ve had to make my peace with it and just move on.

Lena ponders the words in her head, considers how to answer…

\- I don’t think it’s the same - she finally sighs out. - Your situation and mine, I mean. I started my last project for all the wrong reasons, so its very essence was wrong.

She stops talking and waits for a reaction. However, Andrea just frowns in confusion, like she has no idea as to what Lena is insinuating.

\- What are you trying to say?

Lena doesn’t know what reaction she expected, but confusion was definitely not it. She starts moving her hands in front of her body, just as she always does when she’s nervous.

\- The whole point of working for my family’s company was so I could have a larger impact on people’s lives, so I could help make the world better. But my projects are always doing the exact opposite.

\- That’s not true - Andrea states.

\- Well, it’s how I feel either way.

There is a silent pause as they both finish their drinks. 

Andrea purses her lips thoughtfully, waiting for Lena to set her own glass down.

\- Lena, you’ve found the cure to dozens of rare diseases - she starts again. - You made it possible for our lenses to reproduce all sensations, including scents; and, since you took over as CEO, Luthor Corp has tripled its charity contributions while also being one of the most profitable tech companies in the whole world. Not to mention that you guys have the best career programs in the country and the best policies for employees’ wellbeing. How are you  _ not  _ making the world a better place?

Part of Lena wants to counter that none of those things are actually her merit, that the company she had built was destroyed by an antimatter wave months ago and all she has now are the scraps of Lex’s goodwill.

But she manages to stay quiet because Andrea is fierce in her convictions and her intense stare makes clear how much she believes in Lena’s work.

_ To think the reassurance would come from her of all people. _

\- You’ve done an awful lot of research - Lena teases quietly.

\- I’m a businesswoman myself. Need to keep informed.

But Lena notices the way she pulls a lock of brown hair behind her ear, exactly like she used to do when they lied to the coordinator at boarding school.

Still, Lena doesn’t call her out on it. She’s too warm by the thought of Andrea caring so much about her even when they weren’t speaking to each other; so she just smiles and offers to pour them a second glass of Van Horne.

Andrea takes the offer and they sit in silence for the next twenty minutes or so, each one lost in their own thoughts. It’s peaceful and calming like Lena would have never guessed it could be, and it helps her absorb Andrea’s words, helps her believe that she’s still worth existing.

Kara came over earlier; now Andrea is here. 

For the first time in months, Lena can think of her existence as something in and of itself rather than a necessary opposite to Lex’s presence in the world. The realization is just as welcoming as it is challenging; she’s been working on righting her brother’s mistakes for so long now, she’s not sure what else she could offer.

After finishing the second drink, Andrea stands up to leave. Lena thanks her again for stopping by and for listening to her worries, and, before Andrea goes, they make plans to meet for coffee a few days later.

***

They all meet at Jonn’s that night for drinks and pizza, in some kind of improvised welcome party for Brainy.

Although everyone had agreed that this seemed like a nice idea mere days ago, Kara can tell the atmosphere is tense before she even enters the silent room. As soon as she does, with Nia following right behind her, Alex throws a million questions at her about the cyberattack to Luthor Corp, and where Kara was when it happened, and if Lena is ok…

\- Everything is fine - Kara repeats for the hundredth time, seating down on an armchair next to Nia. - I got stuck there for a few hours because the whole building was on lockdown, but their IT team handled everything and no one got hurt. Oh, also - she fumbles in the pocket of her jeans and picks up a small device. - She said to give you this, Brainy.

From his seat in the far corner of the couch, Brainy looks her way, frowning at the device on Kara’s palm.

\- The image inducer - he murmurs, already walking to Kara and grabbing it. - She really altered it?

\- Yeah, she said you can have over a thousand different appearances using this, so it should be easy to keep Lex away even if you make a few excursions outside. Oh, Lena also apologized for not coming over tonight, but she’s working late to deal with the cyberattack and all of that.

It’s weird to talk about Lena like this, bringing messages from her and sharing some insight into her day, like Kara used to do before their fall out.

Brainy, however, seems indifferent. He just nods and examines the small device in his hand for a long time, frowning at it. Everyone watches him without saying a word, until Alex prompts:

\- You ok there, bud?

Brainy returns her look, shakes his head.

\- Maybe I should go back to the DEO - he sputters.

Everyone else blinks in shock. Alex recovers first.

\- What? - she chokes out. - Why?

\- We need someone to stop Lex from interfering too much with the agency - he argues. - And I am certain that I could be way more useful in the field than locked up in here.

\- No one is locking you up - J’onn remarks. - But we all agreed that you need to lay low until we have a plan.

And it’s true. They all had a meeting a week before Brainy’s discharge and agreed to keep his survival a secret from Lex. Lena herself had emphasized that the best leverage anyone could have on her brother was to keep something out of his knowledge, and Brainy had agreed with her then, so Kara is not sure why he seems so distressed about the plan now. 

\- It’s a strategic choice - M’gann adds from her place next to J’onn. - Believe me, I’ve been the one hiding… it’s tough but it’s necessary.

\- I know I’m not as resourceful as I used to be - Brainy counters, puffing his chest with pride. - But I can still be an asset. I won’t let you take all the risks while I hide.

\- Brainy - Kara finally joins the discussion. - We all discussed this last week, remember?

\- Besides, your treatment is not over yet - Alex remarks. - Dr King will continue to see you twice a week until your AI abilities are fully restored.

Brainy snorts, shaking his head.

\- Like that’s even possible.

\- It  _ is _ possible - she bites back. - We’re doing everything we can, and, thanks to Lena’s spy virus, we have access to the DEO’s information on your species. It may still take some time, but…

\- Why are you even doing this?! - Brainy snaps, his eyes gleaming with tears. - I know I hurt you all, and I know you still see what I did as a betrayal…

\- Well, how else would you call it?!

Nia’s voice echoes inside the room, and they all turn to her. She’s standing up now, fisting both hands beside her body. Her eyes are wet with tears, but they're also furious as she stares at Brainy.

\- We all know that you screwed up, Brainy, but we still need your help. Besides, you said you did it to protect us, right? So help us now!

\-  _ Help you _ ?! - he echoes, baffled. - I can’t run any simulations, or access the Big Brain... I can’t even interact with a smartphone! I have nothing left to give you!

The room is suddenly quiet and Brainy’s cheeks are flushed and stained with tears, even though he keeps a stern face. 

Kara wants to tell him just how wrong he is, but she’d be lying if she said that same thought hadn’t crossed her mind since those moments locked inside the servers’ room with Lena.

She had always thought of herself as Lena’s protector, someone who would make sure that she never felt completely alone and hopeless like Kara had felt during her first years on Earth. She used to see her own traumas and fears written all over Lena’s face, lacing her voice every time she talked about her past or about the burden of being the last free Luthor.

But now Lena has seen Kara’s fears first hand. She witnessed as Kara panted and whimpered and she brought Kara back to reality with soft words and warm hands and a kind, loving look.

And Kara has no idea how to feel about all of it.

Being Lena’s protector, her hero even, gave her a purpose, a motive to be near Lena. It was proof that she had something to offer and that she could prevent other people from going through the same difficulties she had. And sure, Lena had already saved her countless times before knowing about Supergirl’s identity, but will she be able to reconcile her cheery friend with the city’s superhero  _ and _ with the woman who had a panic attack inside the mainframe room?

Will she want to?

The way Kara sees it, one of the greatest things about their friendship had always been its lightness. Being friends with Lena was easy, because they got along so well and so naturally, and it didn’t seem to be very demanding. Sure, Lena had to constantly find the time for weekday lunches, and Sunday brunches, and game nights… But she had never had to deal with Kara’s baggage directly until today.

\- Well, that’s not true - Kara hears her own voice replying to Brainy’s words, and she hopes Lena will come to the same conclusion about her. - You may not have powers right now, but you still have knowledge. You’ve regained most of your memories and you’re still better than anyone we know with computers.

Brainy is shaking his head, clearly upset, but Kara goes on.

\- Even if that weren’t true, we’d still take you in, Brainy, because that’s what family does.

It takes a huge weight from upon her shoulders, one she hadn’t even noticed she’d been carrying. 

When they realized Brainy had been helping Lex, Kara felt like that was too devastating to be true. She could still hear his voice telling her about the inhibitors and why he’d been so afraid to take them off, and so she couldn’t fathom how her friend would ever believe in any of the things that Lex stood for.

But before she even had the time to process, Brainy almost died to save them all, and she’s been forced ever since to face the fact that he meant well. Sure, his methods had been terrible, but he did believe his sacrifice to be genuine.

He’s still the Brainy Kara has always thought he was.

\- When you told us what happened - says Alex -, we all agreed that we’d do this together or we wouldn’t do it at all, and that promise stands, Brainy.

\- You can’t keep choosing for us - Nia adds, her voice is now raspy but firm. - And we are choosing to let you back in, so deal with it.

Brainy looks from Nia to Kara, then to Alex, his eyes pleading with them, begging them to understand Rao knows what. 

Somehow Kelly is the one who seems to read him best this time.

\- It’s ok to be overwhelmed, Brainy - she tries. - But Nia has a point. Whether we want to help you or not is  _ not your _ choice to make. What you  _ can _ choose though is whether or not you want to have us around.

Brainy ducks his head, staring at the image inducer that Lena adjusted for him like it holds all the answers to the universe.

Kara wants to hug him. She wants to say that he doesn’t need to feel so alone and unworthy, but she’s also afraid of scaring him off.

\- If you’ll excuse me - Brainy finally says, drying away his tears with the sleeve of his sweater. - I need some time.

Nobody says anything in response or tries to stop him when he makes his way upstairs to J’onn’s spare room. In fact, the silence remains for many seconds even after Brainy has disappeared from sight.

\- He’s been through a lot - J’onn comments, breaking the quiet. - We’ll need to be patient.

Kara risks a side glance at Nia, who’s still wiping tears and shaking a little. She knows how hard it was for Nia to come over tonight, so she tries:

\- You ok?

\- I hate seeing him like this - Nia murmurs, shaking her head. - I’m sorry, guys, I’ll just… I need some time as well.

Kara offers to walk her home, but Nia insists on being alone, so she lets her go. After that, J’onn, M’gann, Alex and Kelly start talking about M’gann’s return to Al’s bar, but Kara doesn’t join the conversation.

Her mind is racing with concern for Brainy and Nia, plus her ever growing confusion about Lena. She considers telling Alex about the claustrophobic attack and about the Acrata tale, and how she now has reasons to believe that Lena is willing to fight for what they have as well… but she can’t bring herself to do it.

It just feels too… intimate. Some selfish part of Kara even argues that this is her newest chance to share something with Lena, something that belongs only to the two of them, and therefore no one else should ever find out what happened inside the mainframe room.

\- You ok? - Alex asks her minutes later, when Kara doesn’t fight her for the last slice of pizza.

\- Yeah… - Kara sighs out. - It’s been an intense day, is all. Lockdown with Lena, now this…

She trails off and Alex rubs her back in a comforting gesture.

From across the room, Kelly’s heard them, so she prompts:

\- Speaking of which, how was the interview?

\- Actually, it was great. We always had this habit of going full on professional when the tape recorder is on, and this time was no different, so things didn’t get awkward. 

Alex sounds confused as she queries:

\- Weren’t you upset because Lena has been  _ too _ professional, though? 

Kara just shrugs, pushing her glasses up her nose.

\- I guess it just felt familiar.

And that’s true. She did feel close to Lena during the interview. It even reminded her of why she ever believed Lena was well-meaning in the first place.

\- Well, that’s good, right? - says Alex, taking a bite off her pizza slice. 

\- Yeah - Kara mindlessly agrees. - What about you? You took the job, right? When does it start?

This time, Alex smiles, her cheeks flushing with enthusiasm.

\- Monday morning - she informs.

\- Dr King seemed really pleased to have you on his team - J’onn comments, smiling proudly at Alex.

Beside him, M’gann is smiling too.

\- Congratulations, Alex! - she offers. 

For the first time, Kara notices how J’onn and M’gann are holding hands, how they sit closer to each other than friends would usually do, and she wonders if they have finally worked things out.

While M’gann invites everyone to the bar that weekend to celebrate Alex’s new job and promises to make them some of the new cocktails she’s been learning how to prepare, Kara remembers a time when Lena would sit just as close to her as J’onn is sitting to M’gann, and how their casual touches would linger a bit longer than necessary.

As if summoned by Kara’s thoughts, her phone vibrates with a new text.

_**Lena: Hi. I just wanted to make sure you were ok… Hope you’re having a nice time tonight. =)** _

Kara’s heart clenches painfully, even as she smiles with hope while typing a response. 

Lena is fighting too.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this one took longer than unusual, but hopefully, it'll be worth the wait! =D

_ “In between the lines _

_ Is the only place you'll find _

_ What you're missing _

_ That you didn't know was there _

_ So when I say goodbye _

_ You must do your best to try _

_ And forgive me this weakness” _

_ Next year, by Two Door Cinema Club _

* * *

The next night, Lena stops by the Tower in hopes that she’ll discuss a few new softwares with Brainy, but he’s nowhere to be seen. Thankfully, J’onn shows up just before she gives up and shows her the way to the room Brainy’s staying in.

\- He hasn’t left all day - J’onn informs. - But maybe he’ll listen to you.

\- You really think so?

He gives her that small confident smile that he only wears when he’s not at all uncertain about his answer.

\- You know you’re the only one he actually asked for during his time at the clinic, right?

Lena’s face warms up at that.

\- Well… We didn’t even talk so much…

\- Just go in there - he cuts in, nodding towards the room. - He needs a new perspective to all of this.

She takes a deep breath before walking to the door and knocking. Brainy’s response is muffled, but she hears as he grumbles “enter”.

When Lena does enter, Brainy is sitting on a window sill, looking down at the street. He looks her way when she closes the door, and his eyes widen with surprise.

\- Lena - is all he says.

\- Hey. You have a minute?

Brainy doesn’t answer right away. His face is a little contorted, like he’s torn by all the possible answers, and the sight makes Lena more nervous. She’s never been especially good at calming people down.

\- Can I help you with anything? - he finally says.

\- Yes. I want to set up some scans so we can pick up any energy signatures in case Lex releases Leviathan from the bottle in any way.

There’s silence for a moment.

\- You don’t need my help for that - Brainy responds quietly.

Lena is not surprised, though, so she calmly replies:

\- Of course I do. I don’t know anything about the technique of bottling worlds and I have no clue as to Leviathan’s heat signature or anything useful really.

Brainy looks out the window again, his shoulders tense up.

\- Did the others send you here?

\- I asked Kara about last night - she admits. - But I came because I wanted to see you and to ask for your help.

\- I can’t help anymore.

_ Alright, Lena. Be calm. Be sensitive. You can help him. _

She tries taking a couple of steps towards Brainy, rounding his bed.

\- You can’t or you won’t? - she softly questions.

Brainy throws her an offended look.

\- You know that I can’t - he chokes out. - I’m not functional.

\- Brainy, you’re standing here, talking to me. You’re functional enough.

He shakes his head dismissively, and Lena’s heart aches for him. How many times didn’t she feel just as powerless? How many times didn’t she sit by a failed experiment and wondered how she was ever capable of finishing a project in the first place? 

\- Why don’t you talk to me? - she tries. - Tell me why you think you can’t help me.

Brainy’s eyes are angry when he stares at her.

\- There’s something wrong with me - he states, standing up from his perch on the window sill. - There has always been. At first, I thought the inhibitors were slowing me down, but I still made the ludicrous choice of working with Lex after I took them off, so the problem  _ has got to be deeper. _

Lena blinks a few times, trying unsuccessfully to follow his explanation.

\- I still don’t understand - she finally admits.

\- Coluans are rational above all else - Brainy’s voice is calmer now, though his face seems conflicted. - That’s the whole point of having a brilliant intellect and having access to all information in the universe. But, I’m too… - he winces, his shoulders hunching over in defeat. - I’m too emotional for that, which compromises my performance and puts everyone who depends on it in risk.

He seems so small now, so sad. Lena can’t help her next words from slipping out:

\- I know what that feels like.

Brainy scoffs, shakes his head like he’s ready to argue, but Lena beats him to it.

\- I may not be a computer, but I grew up with some of the most perceptive and most evil people in the world. Since I was four years old, the Luthors trained me to be extremely perceptive to other people's emotions so I could manipulate them to my advantage, while also getting completely detached from my own feelings. For as long as I can remember, Lex and Lilian have been telling me that my greatest problem is that I feel too much and get too lost inside my own head - she huffs in frustration. - God knows how many times I’ve believed they were right.

\- That’s not what I’m talking about - Brainy counters, frowning at her. - I chose to work with Lex because it was logical, and I ran all the possible simulations to make sure of that. But, as time passed, he manipulated me over and over and I let him! - his voice falters at the end. - I let him know all along that my friends were my priority, therefore making myself vulnerable to his mind games, and I still worked with him even when I realized his plan was even worse than I had imagined.

Lena shrugs.

\- You were afraid.

\- Of course I was!

She doesn’t say anything, because Brainy’s eyes are wet now and his chest is rising and falling really fast.

\- All the calculations I did were to protect the most precious parts of my life - he goes on with a small, shaky voice. - And look what happened!

\- You’re ignoring a very important variant - Lena points out, crossing both arms across her chest.

\- What?

\- Alex told me that you didn’t want her to upload any information about Coluan health to the DEO servers because you thought this planet wasn’t worth worrying so much - she goes on, smiling softly at him. - And you’re once again underestimating Earth’s influence on your life.

Brainy ponders her words for a minute, then admits:

\- I don’t see how any of these things could be related.

The confession makes Lena smile more.

\- It’s the culture, Brainy. Earth’s culture is centered on emotions. You can say it’s all an inheritance of the bourgeois Romantics, but it’s still how it works. People build their lives around the people and things that they love, and that’s what you did when you chose to work with Lex, and again when you stayed with him so you could protect your friends better.

Brainy looks so pained right now Lena considers reaching out to at least hold his hand, but she doesn’t want him to feel overwhelmed, so she just stands unmoving, waiting for his reaction.

\- How do humans survive this chaos?! - he asks weakly.

Lena chuckles.

\- We all have different strategies. People feel things different, it’s normal.

There is silence then, as Brainy looks at her with a stern face.

\- I broke their trust - he finally says. - They should never forgive me.

Lena’s throat closes, but she forces the words out either way:

\- I broke their trust too, and I may never earn their forgiveness, but I know I have to help them in any way I can, no matter how small.

Brainy ducks his head.

\- At least you can trust yourself and your abilities - he sighs out.

\- You know what else I trust?

Brainy just looks up at her, waiting for the answer, and she steps closer to him, throwing her most certain look his way.

\- I trust that you’re still the best programmer I’ve ever seen and a twelfth level intellect that can help me equip the Tower to the best of its capacity.

Brainy looks away again, but Lena can sense his resistance is weakening.

\- Just think about it - she says, standing up again. - It could help you feel useful again and I’ll be right next to you if you need any help as well.

She hesitates for a second, then throws caution to the wind and puts a warm hand on Brainy’s shoulder. He looks up at her, surprised and wordless.

\- Just think about it - Lena repeats gently.

She squeezes his shoulder before turning on her heels and leaving. Just as she’s opening the door, she hears Brainy mumbling:

\- I will.

She takes it as a victory.

***

On Earth Prime, there have been numerous conspiracy theories regarding Supergirl and her alleged interest in ruling the planet.

It all started right after the Worldkillers disaster, with Ben Lockwood and his followers attacking the hero’s image mercilessly, claiming she was the main symbol of an incoming alien-supremacist society.

In this world, the Children of Liberty had been a more organized network, so they managed to reveal President Marsdin’s alien nature whilst also promoting a series of violent acts and terrorist attacks in National City and some neighbouring cities. 

Their actions and the revelation about the president fueled anti-alien supporters to an unbearable level that resulted in Marsdin resigning from office and Baker taking over. 

Meanwhile, across the globe from National City, the Kaznian government used Red Daughter as a weapon to take control of some Kazakhstan uranium mines.

And that’s when Supergirl’s image suffered the most; extremists immediately claimed she had partnered with the Kaznian government to enforce the country’s war policy. 

Once it was confirmed that Red Daughter and Supergirl had opposite powers, though, several other theories popped up, claiming the Kaznians had made their very own kryptonian-like biological weapon.

Both suggestions fueled Lockwood’s hate speech and helped increase the distrust towards Supergirl amongst conservative and extremist groups. Leading his racist TV show, Lockwood exerced quite some pressure on the DEO regarding Supergirl’s immediate dismissal or, at the very least, the revelation of her secret identity to the public. 

But Lex defended her.

Whereas Lockwood was invited by some more conservative politicians to voice his concerns in Congress, Lex was invited by the liberals to give his insight on the benefits of allying with aliens. In response, however, the Children of Liberty became more violent, with an even more radical rhetoric, if that was even possible. 

The chaos raged on for months, until, eventually, Supergirl dismantled the Children of Liberty’s arms trafficking scheme and exposed Lockwood as Agent Liberty. Lex, who at some point publicly called Lockwood a criminal, somehow got part of the credit for his defeat, as he was considered a major voice of the pro-alien moviments.

If that was not enough, Lex had also played a major role in helping international forces defeat Red Daughter and end the conflict between Kaznia and Kazakhstan. At the time, there was a general concern that the Kaznians could use all the uranium to build an atomic bomb or something of sorts, and, since Red Daughter clearly had some similarities to a kryptonian, Lex Luthor was called in to help. 

In a matter of days, he was all over the news, working beside the UN and its forces as his brand new lexosuits flew over the Kaznia-Kazakhstan border, forcing the Kaznian troops to retreat. The official version never said in detail how the international troops were able to defeat Red Daughter, but there was intense chatter in the backstage about some kryptonite beam killing her before she could offer any barrier to the lexosuits.

Obviously enough, Lex would never allow his name to be forever associated with killing Supergirl’s doppelganger, so he announced a multimillionaire project for rebuilding Kaznia and Kazakhstan after the war. 

With the UN’s intervention, the previous autocrat Kaznian government was replaced by a transition one and philanthropists from all over the world announced their intentions to rebuild the country from its ashes.

No need to say Lex was the first.

So that’s how he paraded an army in front of the Kaznian people after defeating their soldiers. The parade was supposed to show the world that Kaznia was now safe and ready to build a strong democracy with the UN and Lex Luthor’s help. The problem, though, is that the Kaznian population wasn’t at all excited about the international intervention. Even some important media outlets had condemned Lex’s parade. As a matter of fact, in his article for the Times, William called the event “an exaggerated exhibition of power with the sole purpose of reminding the Kaznian people that they’re still not in charge of their own country”.

\- I don’t even know what to tell you - Nia murmurs to Kara as they discuss the topic while watching over an event in front of the City Hall.

In fact, Lex Luthor himself is about to be awarded with the keys to National City, as an acknowledgement for his “remarkable contribution to the city in the past ten years”, and Supergirl and Dreamer are following the ceremony from the roof of a nearby building, to make sure everyone at the event is safe.

Sadly, this is a pressing concern, because Lex has become both a symbol of the alliance between humans and aliens; and an inspiration for human-supremacist groups, who see him as the last human hero (on Earth Prime, even though Lockwood has been in jail since his organization was shut down, his ideals made it through, so the anti-alien speech is much stronger than it had been on Earth-38 post Agent Liberty’s defeat). In the end, this means that every event in Lex’s honor brings to the front strong feelings from both sides. 

\- I can’t even think about it anymore, it makes me sick - Kara shakes her head impatiently. - But I have to read all about it as research for my articles on the Nobel Prize, because the first one comes out next week.

Nia scrunches up her nose.

\- I’d completely forgotten about the Nobel series - she admits. - It’s supposed to be a reporter’s dream, right?! But there he is, fucking Lex.

\- Yeah - Kara sighs out. - On the bright side, I spoke to William the other day and he said that, back at the Times, there were these rumours about Lex being interested in revolutionizing the military industry and having some important connections inside the US Congress… I’ll definitely look into it.

\- Let me know if I can help you.

Kara nods and there is silence for a minute, then…

\- So you’ve been talking to William as just… friends?

Kara feels her face warming up. She has actually appreciated the lack of questions about her love life for the past couple of months. Sure, she went on one date with William months ago and they got along great, but… she just can’t see herself starting anything like that at this point.

It’s been almost three months since Leviathan’s defeat and they still have no clue about Lex’s plan. Besides, she has come to know William better, they are good friends, but she can’t picture them as anything more. It’s weird, of course, because she knows William is still interested (he’s mentioned more than a few times that they should have that second date sometime) and she finds him handsome and smart and all the nice things she’s always looked for in a partner. Objectively, she knows he’s great.

But she’s not compelled to learn more about his early years, or about his deepest feelings or to even share a proper routine with him. Obviously, she cares about him, but he hasn’t become one of her favorite people and he definitely doesn’t have enough pop culture references from the early 2,000’s. 

\- We’re just friends - Kara finally breathes out, avoiding Nia’s look.

\- Yeah, I know - she raises her hand in surrender. - I just see you guys together a lot. He’s even come to have lunch with us a few times.

Kara can sense Nia’s intense stare, but she can’t bring herself to look back. Instead, she bites her bottom lip and pretends to be very focused on the crowd watching as the mayor gives a flattering speech about Lex.

\- You should tell him - says Nia.

Kara considers deflecting, but she knows Nia is right. Alex may have stopped asking her about William, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t give Kara these harsh looks whenever his name comes up in conversation.

\- It’s ok if you don’t like him the same - Alex had said a few days ago. - All I’m saying is that you should make it clear to him.

Kara lets out a long sigh.

\- I know he took rejection well the first time - she finally says -, but I feel guilty… I guess.

\- Guilty for what?

\- For wasting his time… - she risks a glance at Nia, trying to make clear just how embarrassing this whole situation is. - I do like him, but… as a friend.

\- Well, he keeps saying you guys should go out again… Does he know it would be just friendly?

Kara shrugs.

\- Rao, I hope so.

Nia is chuckling now, and Kara turns to her with an indignant face.

\- What you’re laughing at?! - she demands.

\- Oh, c’mon! You’re talking like you have this huge problem, but all you need to do is communicate with him!

\- I feel bad - she murmurs miserably. - I mean, everyone was so excited when William showed up… even  _ Alex _ ! And she’s  _ always _ been suspicious of any guy that hits on me!

Nia frowns at that.

\- But that’s not your fault - she argues. - It’s not even a problem to begin with.

\- Look, the last two times I rejected a close friend, Winn spent weeks without talking to me, and I broke James’s heart after months of mutual pining. I’m simply bad at this!

\- No, you’re not.

Nia’s voice is soft, but it’s also firm enough to stop Kara’s incoming ramble. 

\- If you don’t have romantic feelings for him, that’s nothing to be ashamed of or to feel guilty for. And it definitely doesn’t mean that you’ll break his heart. I mean, have you seen the guy?! He might suffer way less than you imagine, give him some credit!

Kara grimaces.

\- I’m sorry, who is this pep talk really for?!

\- All I’m saying is that, when you meet someone you like, it won’t matter how bad you think you are at this, because it won’t bother them. Isn’t that the whole point? Finding someone who appreciates your awkwardness and makes you feel comfortable about it?

Kara snorts.

\- Maybe I should just marry Alex, then.

That earns her a loud laugh from Nia, and Kara immediately smiles back, feeling a bit more at ease with herself.

\- I know you’re right - she says after a while. - I’m just tired of breaking other people’s trust. Plus I hate making things weird…

Nia studies her features for a second before asking:

\- What are you so afraid of? For real?

The answer to that is something Kara avoids constantly, because she hates that she’s even capable of thinking about it. She does have an answer, though.

\- I guess I just… - she winces, looks away at the stage, where the mayor is finally finishing his speech, and says: - I’ve been feeling alone, but being friends with William takes my mind off of it. I don’t want to push him away and feel even worse.

She knows that’s unfair of her, but she can’t help it. Although nothing especially bad has happened, she hates most things about this new reality. 

She hates reporting to the DEO every morning only to find out that Lex has tasked her with guarding prisoners in transfer or flying heavy objects from the desert facility to the site where the headquarters are being built again.

She hates working for Andrea, especially when that means researching about Lex’s star reputation and writing about it.

She hates having no idea about Lex’s masterplan, no matter how much Lena and Brainy comb through the DEO mainframe and the Luthor Corp’s files.

She hates feeling powerless, forced into a defensive position; and how her nightmares have become more frequent, as if to remind her that she could still lose everything for the thousandth time.

But most of all, Kara hates having no one to talk about it.

Alex started her new job a couple of weeks ago and she’s loving it so far, so their time together has been cut short. J’onn is officially dating M’gann and hosting Brainy, so his free time has also been reduced; and Nia has worked more than ever while also finding the time to talk to Brainy again.

Normally, Kara would still have had Lena, but things remain a bit stilted between the two of them. They’ve been texting since the lockdown episode, and even had brunch together a few days back, but Lena is a very busy woman and she has dedicated a lot of her time outside of the office to equipping the Tower and developing new softwares with Brainy. She’s in fact the main responsible for Brainy having agreed to work with computers again, which has helped him recover some of his AI abilities.

So, call it selfish, but Kara is tired and she misses her support system.

\- Kara - Nia calls gently, touching her arm. - All you have to do if you need us is tell us.

\- It’s not like that… Everyone has moved on, and I don’t want to get in their way…

\- And you seriously think that any of us would agree with that?!

Kara risks a small smile, comforted by how Nia is rubbing her back and eyeing her with care. 

\- I’m just so terrified of what comes next - she admits. - Sometimes I just feel like I’m frozen and can’t do anything at all.

\- Well, that’s it then - Nia announces, ignoring the shouts and the clapping from the City Hall, as Lex receives his award. - We’re having a girls’ night tomorrow.

Kara scoffs, rolls her eyes.

\- I told you we don’t need…

\- I don’t wanna hear it! - Nia crosses both arms across her chest, even as her lips are still tugged up in a smile. - It’s been too long since we had a proper get-together and, even if you don’t feel much like it, I could definitely use a little wine and some wise advice from my favorite ladies, so! It’s happening.

At this point, Kara doesn’t need any more convincing.

\- Ok - she relents, laughing. - We can use my place.

\- Great! I’ll call the girls - Nia hesitates for a second, then asks: - Should I invite Lena?

It’s a fair question and part of Kara desperately wants to say yes, but she’s also afraid of Lena’s presence making things weird in any way and ruining their fun…

Before she can answer, though, the sound of sirens startles her. She focuses her hearing to make out the police radio chatter.

\- Of course someone is robbing a bank at the same time of the stupid ceremony - Kara grumbles, before looking at Nia again. - You’ll watch things here?

\- Yeah, I got it. You go get your thieves.

She barely registers Nia’s smile before flying away.


	13. Chapter 13

_ “ _ _ There's a humming in the restless summer air _

_ And we're slipping off the course that we prepared _ _ ” _

_ Glory and Gore, by Lorde _

* * *

When Kara arrives at the bank, the police are still on their way, but five masked men are already leaving the scene through the building’s back door and towards some unbusy alley, throwing sacks of money in the back of a white van.

Kara lands right next to the car, making sure to cause a loud thump with her boots.

\- You guys should really leave all this money where it belongs - she absently suggests. - Come on, we don’t have to do things the hard way, do we?

One of the men, the tallest, turns to her with a large gun in his hands and provokes:

\- You think you’re so invincible, don’t you, Supergirl?

Kara’s about to give him a witty response when he shoots a green beam that throws her a good few meters away. She collides with a big trash dumpster then falls with her face on the ground. Her body’s tingling in a terrible way as she tries to catch her breath and stand up.

\- Where did you get this? - Kara demands, already on her feet and ignoring the nausea.

\- That’s none of your business - the man retorts, taking aim again.

This time, when he shoots, Kara is able to divert it and superspeed towards him. The other thieves are already inside the van, though, and right when Kara manages to take the gun away from the first guy, the one sitting on the driver’s seat shoots some kind of handgun and Kara is suddenly screaming in pain.

The thief in front of her takes the opportunity and punches her hard on the chest. 

Kara falls again and, this time, a trail of fire rising up her spine prevents her from standing up. Somehow, she gets on her knees to find out the first man has retrieved the big gun.

\- Stop! - Kara cries out. - You don’t have to do this!

Even through the mask she knows he’s smirking.

\- It musa suco to have your ass kicked - he casually replies. - Just stay out of our way and everything will be fine with you.

A second later, he jumps in the back of the van and the car starts with a loud sound.

Kara makes to stand up, but the pain coming from where the second shot hit her back aches too much and she’s with her face against the floor again.

She’s only vaguely aware of the sound of sirens approaching before she passes out.

***

When Lena arrives five minutes earlier than the scheduled time, Andrea is already waiting for her on CatCo’s balcony, with a huge takeout bag from Lena’s favorite salad place resting upon the table.

\- There you are! - Andrea greets, smiling as Lena takes a seat across the table from her. - Please, say you’re hungry. I can’t wait much longer.

Lena nods at her, chuckling, and Andrea promptly unpacks the food as she thanks Lena for coming over.

\- I know I invited you to a nice Michelin place, but things are kind of crazy at Obsidian today - she explains.

\- I don’t mind. I actually miss coming here at times.

And that’s true. Her office at Luthor Corp is comfortable and has a great view, but CatCo will always remind her of Kara and the feeling of finally being appreciated at work.

The balcony reminds her of countless lunches on busy weekdays and the moment when she finally confessed to Kara about Lex’s escape with the Harun El. Sometimes, when looking at the railing, Lena can practically feel the way Kara’s arms wrapped around her, how Kara made her feel perfectly safe even as she apologized and asked for another chance.

\- I’m a bit surprised though - says Andrea. - Thought you’d be at the City Hall, joining Lex’s ceremony. You know, since he’s announcing Shelley Island today.

After years of speculation, Lex’s revolutionary project of using refined alien technology as a source of clean energy is finally ready for launch and it should turn Shelley Island, the same site where the Children of Liberty almost forced James to commit an act of domestic terrorism about a year ago; into a huge power plant.

\- He is - Lena confirms. - Technically, he’s not ahead of the project anymore, as the DEO takes most of his time, but he’s still very much involved with everything.

\- Talk about world domination - Andrea jokes, chuckling weakly.

They eat in silence for a while. Unlike old times, a lot of their time together is now spent like this, familiarizing themselves with each other’s company and making brief conversations that mix business and personal topics.

At first, Lena was worried that maybe their plan to rebuild mutual trust was bound to fail. But sitting in silence with Andrea has become easy and comforting; they both seem unwilling to talk a lot but still appreciate knowing that they're not alone.

Sometimes they mention old stories, or just talk about how much they hate most old men in their companies' board, but it's been enough for Lena to regain some confidence that they can work things out.

Also, over the few times they’ve met, Andrea has given her a lot of information about Gemma Cooper and Lena couldn't help but mention her own bad experiences with mentors and work partners in general, which seems to have strengthened their trust in each other. 

_ Nothing like having the same kind of trauma. _

The sound of Andrea clearing her throat interrupts Lena’s thoughts.

\- Speaking of world domination - she starts again. - Are you sure Leviathan's gone?

Lena frowns at her, confused.

\- Well, I told you everything that I know.

And she did indeed. She even told Andrea about the several programs that she and Brainy installed on the Tower’s computers so they'd be able to find an energy signature in case Lex tried to release Leviathan from the bottle.

The downside is that the computers have been dead quiet for weeks.

\- So Supergirl and her allies are still looking for them? - Andrea tries again.

She takes a forkful of salad into her mouth as she waits for Lena's response, but it's a very poor attempt of hiding her nervousness.

\- You know we are - says Lena. - Has something happened, Andrea?

Andrea chews her salad for a long moment, then she lets out a tired sigh and says:

\- I promised to help you and I've been doing it. All I ask in return is for you to keep my name out of this.

And  _ that _ is their greatest problem at the moment.

For as long as Andrea refuses to work with Supergirl directly, Lena is forced to hide things from Kara and her both. The worst part, of course, is the kryptonite dagger that she has kept inside her bedroom vault for months now, praying to every deity out there that neither Lex nor Kara will ever find out about it.

\- I’ll try - Lena carefully replies.

\- Look, it's probably nothing - Andrea shifts nervously on her seat. - Just something weird that happened the other day.

Lena narrows her eyes, suddenly suspicious.

\- Did anyone look for you?

Andrea almost jumps to her feet at the question.

\- No! - she sputters. - Of course not! Like I told you before, Gemma just vanished and I didn't know any other members.

\- So what’s got you so nervous?

She seems torn for a minute, but then she starts explaining:

\- A couple of days ago, I went home really late and forgot my wallet here. Obviously, I didn’t want to drive all the way back, but then… - Andrea looks around to make sure no one else can hear them, then lowers her voice: - I moved through the shadows and got to the office in a second.

Lena gulps, her heart beating erratically.

\- So your powers are back? - she whispers urgently, and Andrea shudders at the question.

\- No! Whatever happened, I used the powers to go back home but they were gone shortly after.

Lena closes her eyes in a mix of frustration and relief and drops her fork beside her plate so her newly free hand can rub one of her temples.

\- I'll look over the scans - she says, because that's all she can offer right now. - And I'll tell you if I find anything new.

Andrea nods, but Lena sees when she gulps anxiously.

\- Do you think they’re back? 

\- I don’t know - Lena admits. 

This time, the silence that envelops them feels uneasy, but Lena can't really focus on it. Her mind is racing with countless worries.

\- I've barely slept these days - Andrea murmurs, interrupting her thoughts. - God, I really need this to be over.

Lena nods somberly.

\- We all do.

She pauses for a second, ponders her next words.

_ Just say it nicely. _

\- And that’s why I think you should consider telling Supergirl everything.

Andrea looks at her like she's grown two heads, but Lena still manages to look back with a stern, calm face.

\- She’s your best choice if Leviathan ever surfaces again - she insists. - Or even in case that Lex comes after you as well.

Andrea leans back on her chair, pursing her lips in displeasure. It’s her usual tell for when she’s heard enough, but the weight of these bad possibilities has fallen upon Lena as she spoke, and now she’s too concerned about her friend’s safety to stop pushing.

\- I know how much you want this to be over - she tries in a soothing voice -, but you already  _ are _ involved, Andrea. At least Supergirl can protect you.

Andrea snorts at the last part.

\- Would  _ you  _ protect someone who tried to kill you?! - she whispers angrily. - ‘Cause God knows I wouldn’t!

Lena is unaffected. She knows that, in spite of her strong facade, Andrea still blames herself for ever showing up in Lena’s lab with the kryptonite dagger. Andrea may act angry and indignant whenever the subject is mentioned, but the truth is that she’s still terrified of her own capacity to hurt someone, and she’s said this much before.

\- You never got that far and we both know that - Lena states firmly. 

Andrea shakes her head, and Lena can see the fear in her eyes as she speaks:

\- You don’t understand, Lena. If Leviathan were to come back and find me working with Supergirl, then who knows what they’d do to my father? They’ve infiltrated Obsidian once, who’s to say they can’t do it again?! And I’d put it all on the line for someone who has no reason at all to trust me?!

Lena is about to argue that Supergirl has a tendency to forgive people and put aside any personal differences in favor of the greater good, but her phone suddenly starts ringing, Alex’s name shining on the screen.

\- Sorry - she murmurs apologetically, already standing up to excuse herself. - I have to take this.

Andrea throws her an indignant look, even opens her mouth to protest, like she's insulted that Lena would interrupt their conversation at such a crucial point, but then she just slumps down in her own chair and lets out a resigned sigh.

Lena has to ignore the uncomfortable guilt clawing the back of her mind so she can answer the phone.

She knows she’s supposed to help Andrea deal with all the guilt and confusion that has been following her for months now, just as she’d promised that night in the lab; but, right now, helping Kara has to be her top priority.

\- Alex, is everything ok?

\- Thank God you picked up! - Alex breathlessly responds. - Can you go to the DEO right now? To the desert facility?

Lena shakes her head, utterly confused.

\- What happened? 

She’s pretty sure she can hear Alex gulping on the other side of the line.

\- Supergirl’s hurt. 

***

Kara can’t move. 

She’s not sure why or how, but everything is horribly silent and her body refuses to move. 

She closes her eyes and takes deep breaths, calming herself.

When her eyelids open again, she can tell she’s in space, and there are derelicts falling all over her pod like a summer rain…

Her pod.

She tries to scream, but no sound comes out. Then she sees it. 

The blue circle she’s learned to call home is falling apart, another piece disappearing by the second as it is touched by the antimatter wave. And someone is flying from Earth towards Kara.

In a lexosuit.

When the person is close enough to see Kara’s face clearly, the helmet retracts and Lex smiles at her, gesturing between Kara’s pod and the literal end of the world.

He shrugs carelessly before turning around to watch it for himself, but his voice is inside Kara’s head, clear and piercing and madenning.

\- Oh, here you are again, safe and sound as your world ends.

\- NO!

\- It’s ok, Supergirl, it’s ok!

Kara wakes up abruptly, her eyes snapping open to search for a way out of the pod, but there is a bright yellow lamp shining from the ceiling and someone is touching her arm with a soft hand, urging her not to move.

\- You’re safe now.

She blinks a few times, adjusting to the light, then tries to look up again. Agent Vasquez is looking back at her, offering a reassuring smile.

\- Vasquez - Kara breathes out. - What…?

\- You were hurt this morning - the agent clarifies before she can even complete the question. - But you’re ok now. Director Luthor has removed the bullet and…

\- Excuse me?!

She’s sitting up now, ignoring the pain in her back and the plea in Vasquez’s eyes.

\- Good, you’re up.

Kara can barely stop herself from throwing a heat beam towards the medbay’s door when she hears Lex’s voice. Her body is still shaking uncontrollably from the terror of being back at the phantom zone with Krypton's rubble falling all around as she watched Earth disappear.

And the entire time, she couldn’t move. 

\- What happened? - she demands, glaring at him.

\- You were hurt by a group of high profile thieves - Lex calmly replies. - But don’t worry! We got you here in time.

The memories are back now and Kara simply feels too agitated to lay down. 

\- You should lay on the sunbed for a while - Vasquez suggests once Kara is already getting to her feet. - You’re still weak from the kryptonite.

\- Vasquez, thank you for everything. Can I have a moment with Mr. Luthor, please?

The agent just nods respectfully before leaving the room.

\- That’s new - Lex starts, walking closer to Kara. - Are we friends now?

\- How can a bunch of robbers have kryptonite-powered weapons?! - Kara demands.

Lex frowns at her, like she’s just grown a second head.

\- I don’t know, Supergirl! - he throws his arms up, mocking a surrender. - In case you still haven’t figured it out, I was called here at the last minute, and abandoned my own award ceremony, to _ rid you _ from that kryptonite bullet that they put on your back.

\- Oh. So you saved my life?! - she folds her arms in front of her chest, challenging him to respond.

\- Yes. That’s exactly what I did.

Kara marches towards him. Her legs are still wobbly, but she wears a perfectly serious and confident expression:

\- You gave kryptonite to Leviathan - she hisses, glaring at Lex. - And I’m pretty sure you’re the gang’s supplier as well.

\- You keep accusing me of these terrible things I had nothing to do with - Lex counters with an almost offended voice. - As I recall it,  _ Leviathan _ destroyed the DEO headquarters and stole our kryptonite because  _ you _ insisted on not listening to me and let them get too strong.

Kara’s mind immediately comes up with a million deadly responses, but she bites them back and merely stares back at Lex for a minute.

\- Alright - she concedes, trying to regain control of herself. - Then do we have anything on the thieves? Or about the weapons?

Lex frowns at her.

\- No, we don’t. NCPD is handling it.

Kara scoffs angrily at him.

\- They have kryptonite! - she bites back. - It’s an alien material and the DEO has more expertise on it than any other institution on the planet!

Lex’s eyes sparkle with mischief, even as he keeps an unimpressed face.

\- They are free to ask for our help - he calmly replies. - But this is not DEO jurisdiction. As far as we can tell, it’s an ordinary burglary with illegal guns. Nothing new there.

Kara’s mouth falls open, but she can’t formulate anything to say in response.

That’s when a third voice fills the room:

\- Am I interrupting something?

They both turn to see who’s calling from the door.

\- Lena?! - Kara chokes out, blinking in confusion. 

And she’s not the only one.

\- Thought the DEO was my business, sis - Lex says coldly.

Lena merely quirks an eyebrow at him.

\- If I run a load of tests and scans on Supergirl right now, will I find out you poisoned her or did anything else that we might find troubling?

Lex scoffs in response.

\- Why don’t you see it for yourself? - he prompts, pointing to the nearest desk. - You’ll find her full medical report in that tablet over there.

Lex stares at his sister for a moment. Then he turns to Kara with a blank expression and starts walking out of the room, his eyes back on Lena.

And, judging by the way Lena is clenching her jaw and keeping eye contact while Lex walks out of the room, Kara knows he had to be threatening her with his look

The thought gives her chills.

\- I won’t just check the report he wrote himself - says Lena. - You lay back down and I’ll get someone to help with the tests.

She’s already turning on her heels when Kara manages to call:

\- Lena, wait!

Lena promptly turns back, eyeing her with concern.

\- Just… Can you just stay here a minute?

Kara winces as she speaks. The world around her spins and she fights for a second to keep balance, but then Lena is suddenly beside her, guiding her back to the sunbed.

\- You need to rest some more under the sunlamps - she states, helping Kara climb on the bed.

The encounter with Lex has left Kara too wired to relax, though, so she just ignores Lena’s advice and starts:

\- There was a robbery and the criminals had these kryptonite-powered weapons…

\- It’s all over the news - Lena cuts in. - Turns out some news helicopter filmed the whole fight - she huffs. - I’m still not over the fact that they made that last shot. Thought your cape was indestructible or something.

\- It is - Kara confirms, disappointed. - But it must have moved aside or something…

\- Well, the others are already looking at the footage. We’ll come up with a way to disable those guns.

Kara wants to offer her a practical response, but she’s finally understanding that this is the first time she’s been hurt in combat and Alex is nowhere to be found.

But Lena is here, and she’s just as determined to fix everything as Alex has always been.

\- Where is Alex? - Kara hears herself asking.

\- She called me and asked me to check on you. You know, since she can’t walk in here anymore…

Of course Alex did that.

\- Thanks for coming to see me - Kara whispers shyly.

Lena chuckles softly at her, squeezing her shoulder to offer support.

\- Let’s run those tests and get you out of here. You can rest more in my lab. I’ve made you a sunbed for times like these.

***

\- Mother!

Lex marches inside his lab, fisting his hands to control his rage.

\- Mother!

\- I’m right here, dear - Lilian’s voice comes from a table to his left. She’s sitting on a stool, examining something with a microscope. - No need to scream twice.

\- Are you finished with the bottle?! - he demands, fixing his tie to cover his agitation.

\- It’s not that easy, dear. But I do believe I’ve made some impressive progress.

\- You’re not progressing fast enough! - Lex hisses through gritted teeth.

Lilian finally looks away from her microscope and returns his stare.

\- What on Earth happened to make you so unstable? - she calmly asks.

Lex huffs angrily.

\- Supergirl - he grunts. 

\- I saw the news. She got hurt, right? And now you're the hero who saved her life from her only vulnerability. Isn’t that why you wanted to implant kryptonite in the illegal market?

\- Yes, Supergirl got hurt - he huffs. - And now, Lena is babysitting her at the DEO. I should have let that stupid alien  _ die _ today!

Lilian lets out a long, tired sigh.

\- You have to let it go - she says sternly. - Either let your sister be or kill her.

\- Kill her?! - Lex echoes, incredulous. - And what good would it do?

\- It would make you focus on what really matters! - she scolds. - We’re playing the long game here, Lex. We don’t have time for Lena’s morals or any other childish concerns of hers.

\- She can’t keep working with Supergirl! - he counters. - And they definitely  _ can’t _ go back to being friends! She’s too good an asset. 

\- Better than me?

They stare at each other for a moment, then Lilian speaks again:

\- If Lena forgave the alien for lying and backstabbing her for years… I don’t really see what else you can do about it. Lena’s feelings have always been her greatest weakness.

Lex mindlessly nods in response, his mind running a million miles per second.

\- I’ll think of something - he mutters under his breath.

Beside him, Lilian just rolls her eyes. He knows his mother will never understand how utterly incompatible their very existence is to Supergirl’s, do he doesn't bother with an explanatiexplanam

\- Are you ready to see the progress I’ve made now? - Lilian tries after a silent moment. - Things will be ready in time for your Nobel lecture, just as you wanted.

The last bit makes Lex feel in control again. He breathes in deeply and straightens his posture before responding with his calmest and most natural voice:

\- I’d like nothing more.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys!
> 
> I hope you don't mind it, but, as the plot thickens, we'll probably have longer chapters like this one. Also, I'm sorry the updates have become kinda irregular. Life's pretty crazy for me right now, so it can take a lot of time to properly write and review these chapters, but I promise I'll keep them coming!
> 
> Hope you're enjoying the story! As always, I look forward to your comments! ;)

_ “Perching up alive by the seams _

_ It won't break me, it won't break me _

_ I'm just faking oh let's believe _

_ It's just a long, long, long way to go to die” _

_ Long way to go to die, by LP _

* * *

Alex is not sure why she didn’t protest when Kara turned the TV on. They arrived at her loft a few minutes before and, as soon as she showered and put on some fresh clothes, Kara went straight to the couch and turned on the news.

It’s a terrible idea, of course, because every news channel is showing the footage of Supergirl losing the fight against the bank robbers non-stop, and Alex knows how hard it is for her sister to deal with failure and criticism.

Still, she busies herself in the kitchen for a while, searching for some nice wine while trying to ignore the female voice coming from the TV:

\- No, I’m not saying Supergirl means harm or anything… But we have to agree that she has caused some damage. Sure, she’s helped a lot too, but it really seems like all that power got to her head! Supergirl should not be an ordinary tool… she should be an exception! She’s more powerful than most armies in the world! You don’t see governments using their military forces to stop some burglary, do you?

Alex risks a glance just in time to see the image changing from Kara being defeated a few hours earlier to show three people sitting at a round table. The host sits in the middle, nodding to the woman to his right:

\- You don’t think the world needs superheroes? - he inquiries.

Kara shifts on the couch, visibly expectant.

\- Of course we need them. But do we really need them to stop every minor problem that comes along? I mean, we’ve seen Supergirl expose arms trafficking only to rescue kittens the next day.

\- Criminality has dropped though - the man sitting to the host’s left points out. - The rates don’t lie. Supergirl has been a major enforcement to our public security. And she does work for a security agency...

\- Which isn’t even a government agency anymore! - the woman cuts in. - Come on, Carl, we don’t see Superman meddling with things outside of the DEO’s jurisdiction.

\- And he too works for the DEO - the host remarks.

\- Kara - Alex tries, but Kara doesn’t even move.

On the TV, Carl pushes his glasses up his nose and speaks again. 

\- While it is true that Superman has stepped back over the last few years, that doesn’t mean Supergirl should do the exact same thing. For starters, National City and Metropolis are completely different places, with completely different needs… And we can’t just demand Supergirl quits because she got defeated once.

\- Well - the woman retorts. - Last time she took a beating like that, her fall left a crater in the middle of downtown for days. It’s bad enough that we have villains like Reign to deal with, in which cases we  _ do need _ Supergirl’s help. But do we really want every small criminal to go find themselves kryptonite-powered weapons? Because they will if they have to.

And that's it for Alex. 

She strides to the coffee table as quietly as she can, grabs the remote and turns the TV off without a second thought. Beside her, Kara lets out a defeated sigh.

\- I thought we were doing movie night - Alex prompts, joining her sister on the couch. - What do you wanna see today?

Kara doesn’t answer right away. Instead, she holds her legs closer to her chest and throws a worried look at Alex.

\- Maybe we should go to the Tower - she says. - Brainy and Lena are trying to find the guys and to adapt my anti-kryptonite suit to the same nanotech that powers the regular one. We should be there to help.

\- You need to rest, Kara.

\- I already spent hours on that sunbed, Alex. I feel fine!

They stare at each other for a second, until Kara grunts in frustration and hides her face inside her hands.

\- You were caught off guard - says Alex. - It won’t happen again.

\- Kryptonite guns?! - Kara uncovers her face, fists both hands to contain her anger. - This feels personal, Alex.

Part of Alex agrees, but a bigger part of her just wants Kara to calm down and focus on resting for the rest of the night, so she doesn’t say anything.

\- It’s Lex - Kara scoffs. - It  _ has _ to be him. 

Alex runs a hand through her own hair.

\- Look, I hate this just as much - she sighs out. - Believe me, watching you be knocked out like that… - her body shudders from the simple memory and Kara’s face immediately softens.

\- It was really scary to wake up and not have you around - Kara gulps before adding: - But thanks for sending Lena to help me.

Alex smiles a little at that, squeezes Kara’s hand affectionately.

\- You do know I’ll always find a way to come and get you, right? 

That makes Kara smile back.

\- Yeah, I do.

\- We’ll catch whoever is behind this - Alex goes on, trying to make the most of Kara’s current calmness. - But we need you at your full strength for that, so you have to lay low for tonight, ok? J’onn and Nia are out there patrolling the city, they’ll call if anything happens.

\- But we still have no clue on the guys - Kara whines.

\- We don’t. Their stupid masks made it impossible to run facial recognition, but Lena is trying everything: from tracking their van to hacking the NCPD system. We’ll find them.

She can see the doubt that still plagues Kara even as she listens quietly to Alex’s words. 

\- I’m so sorry you had to leave work early - Kara murmurs. - I know you’re still new on the job and I don’t mean to make things more complicated…

\- Hey.

Alex holds both of Kara’s hands within her own, looks her right in the eye.

\- You have nothing to apologize for. My new job is fine and you’re here with me. That’s all that matters.

Kara tries to smile, but it looks more like a grimace.

\- Don’t you hate the irony though? - she quietly asks. - While Lex was receiving an award for his great contributions to National City, I was getting my ass kicked by a bunch of high-tech thieves - she rolls her eyes. - And now the world is discussing whether or not my help is needed while adoring Lex for saving my life.

Kara shakes her head, confused, and when she looks back at Alex, she looks like she’s about to stand up and pace the living room.

\- Why didn’t he let me die?! 

Alex has to admit that she too finds that last part especially torturing. A human saving Supergirl's life is both a huge demonstration of power to the human supremacists and a great display of cooperation and goodwill to the progressive groups, and considering how Lex has cautiously built his image on Earth Prime as a role model for both sides of this discussion, saving Kara's life sends the kind of double-meaning message that keeps a figure like him in power.

\- You heard Lena earlier - says Alex. - Lex needs to keep the appearances, and that's the perfect move to keep him on top as both an anti-alien hero and a great advocate of human and alien cooperation - she snorts quietly. - Plus, I bet he loves knowing how much helping you today must have pissed you off. 

Before anyone can add anything, there is a loud knock on the door. 

Kara stands up with a disgruntled face and walks to pick up the four large pizzas that Alex ordered on their way home from Lena’s lab.

\- You win - she sighs out, dropping the pizzas on the coffee table as she sits on the floor to eat. - I’ll just keep myself busy with my two Hawaian pizzas and whatever other flavour you ordered and then I’ll force myself to sleep.

Alex smiles in return, already holding a slice for herself.

\- Sounds like a plan, but I’ll still sleep over so you won’t get any ideas.

She tries to keep a tough face, but Kara’s smirk is proof that it didn’t work; not that Alex minds it. Deep down, they both know why she is really staying and why Kara won’t protest about it: they need to be close to each other tonight, if only to remind themselves that they’re still together, they still catch each other every time even if they can’t work together on every mission anymore.

By the end of the night, Alex is so comforted by her sister's presence and by their glorious time together she has almost forgiven herself for not being there to save Kara after the fight.

***

The next morning, Kara wakes up earlier than usual, gasping and panting after the most disturbing dream she’s had in years. 

In her nightmare, she was lying down on her stomach on some kind of operating table, inside a room that was bathed in the glowing green of kryptonite emitors. 

She could hear Lex’s voice coming from behind as he performed some kind of surgery on her back. She could also hear his threats and his sickening laugh; could even feel the scalpel cutting through her tissues and the tweezers fumbling inside her muscles, but her body was incapable of moving, so she just stayed paralyzed and waited in horror for the moment to be over. 

Now, even after waking up, she’s still sweaty and her back is itching at the exact same point where she once felt the scalpel, and that realization helps her understand just how desperately she needs to regain some control.

With that certainty in mind, she stops by the Tower even before reporting to the DEO. Alex goes with her, reminding her the whole time that she still needs to rest and that Brainy will contact them as soon as he finds anything, but it’s pointless.

Alex may still be a bit more protective than usual, but they both know Kara won’t be able to rest properly until the “green gang” with the “green guns”, as the media has decided to call them, has been dealt with. Besides, Supergirl may not be the beloved hero that she once was on Earth-38, but she still is National City’s official superhero rather than a clumsy helper and it seems like a considerable part of the local society needs to remember that.

Once they arrive, Kara is mildly surprised to find Lena standing beside Brainy as he types. She should have known Lena would be here because she knew the other woman had been working tirelessly on the case since she brought Kara back from the DEO; but it’s still an unfamiliar sight.

There was a time when Kara dreamed of working with Lena like this; she used to imagine what it would be like for them to discuss Supergirl strategies while she wore civilian clothes, what it would be like to have Lena on her team, fully aware of everything and certain of her trust in her.

As it turns out though, Kara can’t help a small shock everytime she finds Lena walking comfortably around the Tower. The first few times she came over, she seemed shy and small, only speaking when prompted and looking around with measured interest.

But now, as Lena turns to look at the newcomers, Kara realizes how that behaviour has changed over the months. Lena is not even in that Luthor-pose that makes her look like she owns the place. Instead she shows confidence in her movements and ease in her demeanour, as if this place feels just as familiar as her own lab.

It’s not a bad surprise, of course. It just makes Kara wonder how they came to this after all the pain and all the fighting of the last year.

\- So Kara is hurt that you guys didn’t call or text us about the thieves’ location yet - Alex mumbles, crossing her arms. 

Lena doesn’t seem to mind her greeting, merely arching an eyebrow in response, but Brainy turns around in his chair and eyes Kara with confusion.

\- Why would you think that?

\- I don’t - she sighs out. - Alex is just being stupid. So, where are we at finding them?

\- Well, so far we have no faces, no prints and no names - Brainy informs, rising to his feet. - We tried to locate their van, but that was a dead end as well. 

Lena nods as she adds:

\- And the NCPD knows even less apparently, so...

\- So we got nothing?! - Kara splutters, sounding way more upset than she intended to.

Lena ducks her head a little, gulping, and exchanges a glance with Brainy. 

\- I'm afraid so.

Kara knows that her friends, unlike the DEO, have limited resources even as they have every intention to help, but that doesn’t mean she can hide her disappointment.

\- That’s ok - Alex offers. - Guys like these usually get over excited about big guns, so they should strike again real soon.

Kara and the others mutter something in agreement.

It’s not the ideal plan she'd hoped for, but Alex is right about the probability of a second attack happening soon, and Kara can take some comfort from that. At least she’ll get a chance to kick their asses in the near future.

Lena clears her throat.

\- The good news is that I was able to bring the bullet that hit you from the DEO - she says. - We took a look at it and it turns out it's not entirely made of kryptonite, but rather a regular bullet wrapped in a thin layer of it. 

\- However, it could poison you if it stays inside your body for too long - Brainy adds. Beside Kara, Alex’s body tenses up. - Thankfully, Lena and I checked the bloodwork you had after the surgery and everything seems fine. 

\- Exactly - Lena agrees. - Also, the bullet didn't hit any organs, so you should be safe.

\- I feel great! - Kara promptly replies. She holds up a hand before Alex can cut her short. - I just need to keep alert and carry my special suit with me at all times so I’ll be ready when they attack again.

\- You really don't need to - Alex tries. - J'onn and Nia…

\- If these guys came with kryptonite guns, then I'm the one they're after - Kara interrupts. - And I won't hide.

She stares back at her sister for a while, but then Alex's phone starts vibrating and she excuses herself to answer a call from work.

Kara watches her walk away, breathes in deeply before turning to the others again.

\- Maybe we could locate the gang before another attack happens - Lena starts, fidgeting with her hands as she looks at Kara. - If they’re hiding several guns at the same place, it should emit a considerable amount of radiation, so we could try to trace the kryptonite radioactive signature.

Kara's eyes sparkle with hope; she snaps her fingers excitedly.

\- Yes! Can you guys do that?

\- Well…

Lena and Brainy exchange another look.

Somewhere deep in her chest, Kara finds their synchrony amusing, but right now she’s mostly worried that she can’t quite read their expressions.

What an enigmatic duo they make.

\- We don’t have access to enough satellites from here - says Brainy. - And, despite Lena’s virus being impressive, we can’t use it to program such a large search through the DEO computers without everybody there realizing they have been hacked.

Kara blinks a few times, shakes her head in confusion.

\- But there is another way - Lena promptly continues. - Some tech companies have plenty of satellites on orbit. We could use them.

\- And wouldn’t Lex have access as well? - Kara asks.

She can hear Lena’s heart skipping a beat as her friend purses her lips and answers:

\- Not if we don’t use Luthor Corp.

Before she can elaborate though, Alex is back and speaking in a rush:

\- Guys, I need to go! - she holds Kara by the shoulders and throws her a stern look. - Behave yourself, ok? And call me if you need anything.

They hug, Kara mumbling reassurances to her sister, then mere seconds later, Alex is gone.

Kara turns to Lena again.

\- I’m a little confused. How would we do this without Luthor Corp?

She can see the way Lena’s jaw clenches before she answers:

\- I can talk to Andrea. We are old friends, I could ask her to grant me access to Obsidian’s satellites for a couple of days.

Kara’s response comes out before she even thinks about it.

\- I don’t like that.

Lena doesn’t seem surprised in the slightest.

\- Look, I know you and Andrea have your differences, but she knows that I don’t trust Lex and neither does she. She can help us, Kara.

Something about the certainty in Lena’s voice when she defends Andrea sounds wrong, almost painful. And how much exactly does Andrea know about Lex?

\- Lena is right - Brainy says, bringing Kara back from her thoughts. - There could be more of these weapons than we know about. We need the satellites.

Kara bites her bottom lip, rubs her neck.

\- I just don’t trust Andrea - she insists. - Why don’t we talk to Kelly?

Brainy frowns at her as he answers:

\- I don’t think the company doctors have access to the satellites. 

\- Exactly - Lena remarks. - And if Kelly goes behind Andrea’s back to get it, she’ll put her job in jeopardy.

In her life as a superhero, Kara has accepted help from the most unexpected places, but there is something different about this. Asking Andrea for help feels almost humiliating. After the Unity Festival, she’s been one of the most interested people in seeing Supergirl’s image suffer; not to mention how she makes Kara’s job at CatCo an arduous task on a daily basis.

\- I don’t know… - Kara murmurs, grimacing. - Maybe we…

\- Supergirl, are you there?

It takes her a second to recognize Lex’s voice over the comms. Then another to reply in a professional tone:

\- Right here!

\- We have a suspicious vehicle trying to escape town through the main road. Can you get there and help our team?

Kara throws an apologetic look towards Lena and Brainy, mouths “DEO”, then starts walking away as she takes her glasses off.

\- Send me the coordinates - she instructs, already on the balcony. - I’m leaving right now.

***

Kara only needs two minutes to catch up with the car chase and stop the so-called suspicious vehicle without damaging any civilian cars in the process. She helps some DEO agents capture the two aliens and the human woman who were inside of it, then joins Vasquez and a few other agents as they sweep the back of the truck, using her X-ray vision to assist them in the task.

Being back in the field makes her feel slightly better, more useful and more confident in her abilities. It’s a welcome contrast to the disconcerting frustration of watching herself lose an unfair fight, as well as to the panic of feeling powerless against Lex’s actions, even if in her dreams.

On the other hand, when she's finally satisfied with her contribution and feeling somewhat motivated about her superhero job for the first time in months, she's terribly late for CatCo.

She flies there as soon as she learns what time it is already, praying to Rao that Andrea is too busy at Obsidian to notice her delay.

Or to remember that Kara still hasn’t sent her the first article for the Nobel series.

But of course Kara’s wish is not granted.

\- Not even a draft?! - Andrea exclaims indignantly, as soon as Kara settles behind her own desk. - Your deadline is tomorrow, Kara!

\- It’s almost ready - Kara grumbles for the tenth time, barely looking at her boss as she turns her computer on.

\- Is that why you’re late? - Andrea provokes, arms crossed in front of her chest in a power pose. - You were  _ almost _ finishing the draft?

\- I had an incident on my way over, but everything’s under control now.

There is no verbal response, but Kara can sense Andrea’s eyes on her, intense and demanding. She takes a steading breath before looking back at her boss.

\- Have you at least chosen what each article will be about?

Kara tried to, she really did. She just couldn’t come up with any ideas that didn’t involve exposing Lex as the cold, ruthless villain he truly is.

\- The first one is a short biography of Lex - she splutters, because that’s as far as her impartiality about the topic can go.

Andrea quirks a skeptical eyebrow:

\- Sounds dull. Unless you’ve had an interview with him that I don’t know about?

Kara pushes her glasses up her nose, her cheeks burn from the embarrassment. Andrea, however, just sighs. When she speaks again, her tone is much softer, even as it still sounds dangerous.

\- Kara, do you know why I put you on the Nobel?

Kara shakes her head slightly, suddenly embarrassed.

\- I did it because you’re a great writer and CatCo’s star reporter - says Andrea. - I’m also well aware that you don’t like my ways, so I gave you complete freedom to write this series as a peace offer - she looks Kara dead in the eyes as she finishes: - Don’t make me regret it.

She leaves without waiting for a response and Kara just sits there, fisting her hands as tightly as she can to prevent them from breaking anything.

She has considered giving the task to someone else, but she couldn't come up with a convincing excuse to offer Andrea, neither does she want to take the risk of giving the series to someone who will make it all about Lex's greatness.

\- That seemed intense.

Kara looks up to see William standing in front of her, offering a sympathetic smile.

\- Anything I can do to help you? - he tries.

\- No - Kara sighs out, exhausted. - Can’t believe I’m about to say this, but Andrea is totally right. I messed up.

She feels wronged nevertheless. It’s unfair that some stupid gang of burglars decided to use kryptonite weapons right when Supergirl’s image is suffering. It’s unfair that the Super Friends don’t have the necessary resources to actually find said gang and stop it before another attack happens. And, if Lena is right about Andrea and she really doesn’t trust Lex, then it’s also unfair that she’s still pressuring Kara to write about his great contributions to humanity.

It all makes Kara feel ridiculous though. How did she allow things to get so messy?!

Thankfully, William’s voice brings her back to the present before she can spiral much more.

\- Well, if writing about Lex is so hard for you… then maybe you could write about Kaznia.

Kara frowns at him, completely confused.

\- Kaznia is the reason behind Lex’s nomination to the Nobel - William goes on. - And Andrea wants the series to focus on technology and its contributions, right? So why don’t you write about the country’s situation first, then about all the projects currently in place there? You could compare Lex’s initiatives to other projects as well, maybe hear a few experts’ opinions about what makes these new technologies so groundbreaking, or compare them to Lex’s previous works… 

There is silence for a moment, while Kara considers the suggestion. William’s idea is mostly impartial and wouldn’t require any praising towards Lex. Plus, Kara has already done quite some research about Kaznia and most of the reconstruction initiatives acting there anyway...

\- You’re a lifesaver - she breathes out with a small smile. - Thanks, William.

He smiles brightly back at her, winking.

\- Don’t worry so much about it. You’ll do great.

Kara doesn’t think she’ll do so great, but she still allows herself to feel a tiny bit more excited about the assignment.

***

Things are absolutely crazy right now and working at a lab has become Alex's daily therapy session.

She likes the quiet of the room and how time seems to pass much faster when she's concentrated on some complicated research. She also likes her new colleagues and the fact that her new job has given her plenty of talking points to discuss with Eliza over the phone.

She doesn't feel as empowered as she used to back at the DEO, but she feels intellectually stimulated and some part of her feels relieved that she's found a safe, heartwarming job for a change.

Today, however, her worried thoughts keep running back to Kara, so she goes for a walk only two hours after getting in, hoping to return minutes later with a fresh mind.

She's passing by the alley near the corner when her military training kicks in.

Someone is screaming in pain and Alex reacts quickly, her eyes finding the two human forms by the closest dumpster.

\- Shut up! - a rough voice demands. - I told you to get me the money!

The other person tries to escape then, but the first one, a short man with disheveled hair, grabs them back and shoves them against the dumpster.

This time Alex can see it clearly; an adult man is trapping a teenage boy against the dumpster.

\- Hey!

She probably should have thought this through, but she's already walking into the alley, acting as tough as a heavily armed soldier.

\- What's going on here?

The man turns around to face her.

\- Who the hell are you?

He looks drunk and his eyes are incredibly red, so he's really not as intimidating as he'd like to think.

\- Let the kid go - says Alex.

The man frowns at her, one of his hands still tightly wrapped in the boy's collar.

\- Why the hell do you care?! - he growls.

\- I hate bullies - she steps close enough to smell the alcohol in his breath. - And I bet the cops won't be happy to know you're beating up kids for money.

She discreetly moves a hand behind her back, ready to shapeshift her hand of the soldier into a gun or a stick if necessary.

The man stares at her for a while, like he's weighing the options, then he huffs angrily, shoves the boy against the dumpster one last time and starts moving away.

Alex waits until she's sure he won't come back and turns to the teenager. He looks younger than she'd thought at first, and there is an ugly bruise on his bottom lip.

\- Are you alright? - she rushes to his side, but the boy just steps away.

\- Fine - he mumbles. - Thanks.

\- Let me help you with that bruise. I'm almost a doctor.

He shakes his head then picks up a cap from the ground and uses it to cover most of his face. 

Alex catches a glimpse of pointy, alien-like ears before he hides them under the cap, but she doesn't comment on it.

\- Maybe I can call someone for you?

The boy seems angry at that.

\- I'm fine, lady.

He walks past her, towards a forgotten backpack that is laying on the floor by the entrance of the alley.

Alex merely watches as the boy checks everything inside his bag and then…

He grabs a plastic container full of cinnamon rolls.

\- Oh my God! - Alex murmurs under her breath. - You're Greg, aren't you? The boy that sells brownies and cinnamon rolls!

He throws her a look that is both scared and suspicious.

\- Everyone at work loves your goods - she explains. - I tried one last week, but you didn't show up after.

Greg doesn't respond. Instead, he shoves the container back inside his bag and throws it over his shoulders, ready to walk away.

Some weird alarm goes off in Alex's head. The impulse to protect this kid surges through her veins in full force.

\- How much for them?

Greg turns back to her, frowning.

\- What?

\- I said how much for all those cinnamon rolls?

The boy snorts.

\- Very funny.

\- I mean it.

\- What the hell you want?

Alex just shrugs. She knows kids like Greg are normally used to doing things their own way, so she avoids the word "help".

\- My sister loves these things and she eats like a monster so… how much?

She can't quite say why, but she really wants Greg to trust her.

And it seems like her plan is working, because after a long moment of thought, the boy says, still sounding a bit unsure:

\- Fifty bucks.

Alex fumbles in her back pocket, finds a fifty-dollar bill inside her wallet and hands it to him.

Greg looks at the money for a long time, as if waiting for it to disappear or for Alex to announce some kind of prank.

But nothing happens, so he takes the bill and gives Alex the plastic container with the pastries.

\- You can keep the box - he says, blushing.

\- Thank you. If you meet me here tomorrow at this same time, I can return it.

\- You really don't need to.

\- Well, this is a returnable container and I really don't mind. Plus my lab partner has been crying for days now, craving those brownies of yours, so I could get him some.

The boy tenses. When he speaks again, his voice is cold and stern:

\- I don't sell brownies anymore.

\- That's ok. We all still love cinnamon rolls. 

They stare at each other for a minute, then:

\- Tomorrow at eleven, then?

Alex smiles at him.

\- I'll be waiting right here.


End file.
